From Lori's abode
I think I figured it out.
In summary: I was playing the idea of this communal living with Lori, and at first it was a bit of a strange concept. Can I do that with a person? Can she? And there was a little internal debate here about what was going to be happening in that regard. Now a consensus has been reached.
Conclusion: I want this relationship to keep progressing, does that mean moving in with Lori? I think it does. It only makes sense; if our lives are just going to keep being entwined it only is logical and time-efficient.
Now we just have to see what she wants.
I think she is falling into envelopmental distress, which is understandable, and this explains her current behavior. I was taken aback at first, all these little things she was throwing at me, and she seemed so unaware of them (sometimes I wonder about self report and awareness; I wonder if she can see what she was doing[is this something she learned from her family?]).
I truly do take issue with feeling un-appreciated. I want to make her life better; I hope she wishes mine to be better too. Well, niet. I want her to have what she wants, and I think she wants a better, more together, calmer, and less neurotic life. I wish for her to want the same for me too, I want her to want my life bettered. Isn’t that what some of this work is all about? Making our lives better symbiotically? I want her to be aware of how some of the things she does affect me.
And now I play the waiting game.
She put perfume on. Ugh. Pretty sure this is also part of the envelopment freak-out. She knows I’m quite allergic to that, and she seems to step on that precipice anyways. That bothers me. There is a drastic difference in harming someone unintentionally, and then knowingly doing it. Is it just a pushing away behavior? So she feels safer in her own space? “Joe’s pretty much been living here, I am going to put perfume on because it is still my house” kind of thing? I don’t think she’s put perfume on for a few months now, and I feel defensive.
How far away does she want me? Since it’s supposedly my job to hold the space, am I supposed to hold it even though it’s making me suffer?
-how much is this worth? She is trying to sabotage you, us, and doing it knowingly. I am upset with her. Maybe I’m just bi-polar and hyper reactionary, but I wonder how much is she worth? I think you should pull the plug on a regular basis. And FUCK, my eyes are burning. The smell gets on everything.
It’s weird how you came to a point where some of those crazy, crazy love emotions were seeping into you, it was pretty fun too.
Yea but she keeps pushing us away, for a few days now, I don’t see her exhibiting behavior wanting us. Thoughts….
In summary: I was playing the idea of this communal living with Lori, and at first it was a bit of a strange concept. Can I do that with a person? Can she? And there was a little internal debate here about what was going to be happening in that regard. Now a consensus has been reached.
Conclusion: I want this relationship to keep progressing, does that mean moving in with Lori? I think it does. It only makes sense; if our lives are just going to keep being entwined it only is logical and time-efficient.
Now we just have to see what she wants.
I think she is falling into envelopmental distress, which is understandable, and this explains her current behavior. I was taken aback at first, all these little things she was throwing at me, and she seemed so unaware of them (sometimes I wonder about self report and awareness; I wonder if she can see what she was doing[is this something she learned from her family?]).
I truly do take issue with feeling un-appreciated. I want to make her life better; I hope she wishes mine to be better too. Well, niet. I want her to have what she wants, and I think she wants a better, more together, calmer, and less neurotic life. I wish for her to want the same for me too, I want her to want my life bettered. Isn’t that what some of this work is all about? Making our lives better symbiotically? I want her to be aware of how some of the things she does affect me.
And now I play the waiting game.
She put perfume on. Ugh. Pretty sure this is also part of the envelopment freak-out. She knows I’m quite allergic to that, and she seems to step on that precipice anyways. That bothers me. There is a drastic difference in harming someone unintentionally, and then knowingly doing it. Is it just a pushing away behavior? So she feels safer in her own space? “Joe’s pretty much been living here, I am going to put perfume on because it is still my house” kind of thing? I don’t think she’s put perfume on for a few months now, and I feel defensive.
How far away does she want me? Since it’s supposedly my job to hold the space, am I supposed to hold it even though it’s making me suffer?
-how much is this worth? She is trying to sabotage you, us, and doing it knowingly. I am upset with her. Maybe I’m just bi-polar and hyper reactionary, but I wonder how much is she worth? I think you should pull the plug on a regular basis. And FUCK, my eyes are burning. The smell gets on everything.
It’s weird how you came to a point where some of those crazy, crazy love emotions were seeping into you, it was pretty fun too.
Yea but she keeps pushing us away, for a few days now, I don’t see her exhibiting behavior wanting us. Thoughts….