(no subject)
I've had enough. Of everything.
I've had enough for my screwed up life, of everything. I hate it! I really do! All I ever wanted was a normal life. Just to be considered normal and allowed to speak my mind - which I have a habit of doing anyway.
My life has just been one screwed up mess! I just want everything to end. I want it all to stop.
I'm sixteen, and I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis! At first it was just my parents divorce, and that happened a long time ago, but it's amounted to everything! School work. Socially. Everything. And I can't stop it! It's not fair!
I see everyone around me with normal lives and I can't help but be jealous as Hell. Even my brother has a more normal life than me now. He was one person I could turn to who knew what I was going through. But he lives with my dad now and I don't have anyone.
I just want it to end. I just want my life to end. God knows the world would be a better place without me. It's not fair. I just wish it could all be replayed from the beginning, me blanked out.
This isn't just because of this thing going on between me, Jen and Emily. It's because of stress. It's because of everything.
I'm the youngest in my family, the last chance for my family to get one of their off-spring into a Uni. Do you know how hard that is? To have your parents rooting you on, and deeply disappointed when you fail. I told my dad my mock exams marks and this is what he said;
Dad: '....*long silence* I really expected better from you. From James maybe. But you, I expected nothing below a C. You've really let yourself down. Not only that, you let me and your mother down... *leaves*'
That few sentances got me into tears. And I just can't take it.
I've had enough for my screwed up life, of everything. I hate it! I really do! All I ever wanted was a normal life. Just to be considered normal and allowed to speak my mind - which I have a habit of doing anyway.
My life has just been one screwed up mess! I just want everything to end. I want it all to stop.
I'm sixteen, and I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis! At first it was just my parents divorce, and that happened a long time ago, but it's amounted to everything! School work. Socially. Everything. And I can't stop it! It's not fair!
I see everyone around me with normal lives and I can't help but be jealous as Hell. Even my brother has a more normal life than me now. He was one person I could turn to who knew what I was going through. But he lives with my dad now and I don't have anyone.
I just want it to end. I just want my life to end. God knows the world would be a better place without me. It's not fair. I just wish it could all be replayed from the beginning, me blanked out.
This isn't just because of this thing going on between me, Jen and Emily. It's because of stress. It's because of everything.
I'm the youngest in my family, the last chance for my family to get one of their off-spring into a Uni. Do you know how hard that is? To have your parents rooting you on, and deeply disappointed when you fail. I told my dad my mock exams marks and this is what he said;
Dad: '....*long silence* I really expected better from you. From James maybe. But you, I expected nothing below a C. You've really let yourself down. Not only that, you let me and your mother down... *leaves*'
That few sentances got me into tears. And I just can't take it.