(no subject)
20 Oct, 2011
Dear John,
I am still wishing that this is a bad dream and that I'll soon hear you waking me up... telling me to stop crying because it'll be fine and you'll stroke my hair til I fall asleep all over again.
It gets harder everyday knowing I'd have to go through it all without hearing from you ever again. I know you wouldn't want to see me sad, and I'm really trying so hard not to, but I guess sadness could be really overwhelming.
I know that constantly talking with you for 3 weeks and going out with you 4 times is a short time. But I will never exchange it for anything. Those chats with you were just lovely in every single way, even those parts wherein we take a pause from talking and just sit side by side. Remember, when I told you that there are people who you haven't been with for a long time but makes you feel they've known you all your life? That's how it felt like with you. It felt natural and comfortable to talk about everything, even those of which could be sometimes mundane and inane. With you it never felt like I have to try so hard, it felt like I can passionately talk about things and you'll still listen tirelessly. Your honesty was refreshing, you tell me things as you see it.
Thank you for treating me well and for always making me feel safe and comfortable when I am with you. Thank you for your warm hugs as it meant a lot and gave more meaning for those unspoken words and long pauses. Thank you for everything.
I would never know the right words to string together to say goodbye. And I guess I never will. I know you are in a better place now and you are no longer hurting. Rest well, John. Enjoy your peaceful slumber.
I will miss you dearly.
Your little monkey,
Ellie
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