Lonely enough
Well, still more that I talk about in this forum. I never expect readership and think that no one would care if they did.
Hubby is on a date and with COVID taking the world by storm so shortly after we moved here I do not know anyone. I feel isolated, depressed, lonely and even though hubby is always there for me I need more social interaction than living online and just seeing him can take. I am an introvert by nature but I do need some contact outside of work and hubby and the freaking computer. I know it is a lot to ask being in a new city and with a pandemic but it gets me down more than I feel it should. I do not trust the therapist I am stuck with for the time being and I only put up with that therapist so I can get the insomnia and antianxiety drugs I need. Once we are moved itno the new house I will be looking for a therapist I can trust, even if out of the insurance network and more aligned to my needs. Hell, this therapist isnt that comfortable withpsychodynamic, and I cannot stand CBT. I know how to fucking breathe and make lists.
It's hard not to feel lonely, it's hard not to feel like even though Hubby is with me to not feel like second best. I know what he views online and I am not young, thin or cute. I work on the latter 2 but my body will not cooperate. The first is an inevitable if I want to keep breathing and that is becoming a struggle to want. Last I look my thyroid is down again and my idiot doctors are not addressing that at all in lieu of the breast issues.
I trust hubby on his dates but I do not trust other people. After the screw ups with Spencer Pucci (you can read about him as the Mad Scientist), Jen, and Corey I am so gun shy. I am still freinds with benefits with Blood but I am now in another state. I have no one here. Perhaps on day I will unload that baggage here and I will name the names because I am tired of staying silent.
I come here to vent and funny enough I seem to do a little better but oh if hubby saw he may be disappointed. I will have to let him be. I know of the past fuckups I know of the cagy behavior when fuckups happen. I pray that it does not happen again. I don't know what I would do other than close my marriage. I know what I got into and I am poly at heart but trust is tantamount.
**Don't talk about my grammar, I know it sucks today.**