Josh and I are going to have a cry-fest...
It seems like no matter where you are or where you go in life, there is always someone there to bring you down.
I am in quite the depressing mood right now if you couldn't tell. No matter what there is always someone after you. But then again, there is always someone to pick you back up again. There is nothing better than to have someone with you when you fall.
I've been feeling lonely lately. Even though there are people all around. I guess it's a different kind of lonely. Some might understand. But somehow I think it would be a little too deep and too complex for others.
Once again the histrionics have joined us again. There is no getting away from it in life I am afraid. If only you people could find some kind of way to express yourselves to one another in a personal and private manner. Perhaps face to face. You have to deal with it sometime. Not all of your conversations in life can take place on line.
I apologize to anyone I offended. You see, I see this journal as a place where I can express my thoughts. However, using it to tear someone else down is not what I have in mind.
The thoughts in my head are fighting me. For some reason they plague me over and over, yet they will not exit in a manner I would like them to. In this case it requires critical thinking on my part. Some real thinking and wondering on my own.
Tonight I figured out that some of my best times are when I am writing. Expressing my thoughts on paper. My real journal is nothing like this. There is no need to filter what I have to say. It's a place where I can really and truly express myself. Thoughts, poems, lyrics. All of it takes me away to a place so much better than this. Even though I am miles apart from somewhere I can truly be myself, for just a short time I can imagine it all.
For some time now I have been seeing people in a different light. People change when they are around others. It doesn't mean it is a bad thing and I am not talking about anyone specific. To me it would just make so much more sense if we could all be ourselves with everyone. Nothing to hide, no shame, no regrets.
Why is it that guys have such a hard time being alone, single? Don't get me wrong, girls long for a relationship as well. But for some reason it seems girls are more independent than guys. But once we get into a relationship, that is our downfall. No more independence. That relationship consumes us. Even if it is not what we think it is, just a hope and a dream.
I believe love is something that most of us long for the most. The love of the person that we are meant to be with for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately many people go searching for it. Not knowing that it will come to you if it is meant to be. Through their search they find all kinds of love, but never the perfect love they long for. Just an excuse for their pitiful search, just temporary satisfaction. Never the real thing.
Sometimes I doubt I will ever find the right person. Don't get me wrong, I realize I have a long time to go before I am considered old and single. It would all be so much easier if we all just knew who was meant for who. Wasting time, wasting love, wasting the act that everyone puts on before they find out who you really are, none of that would be needed.
Simplicity is what I long for.
One last thought...why does no one comment?