Two in One Topic.
Lately it`s been one ride after another. All the ups and downs of life hit me all at once. As many recall, I sustained an injury three weeks ago. Well I got my cast removed and the pain in tremendous. It`s almost worse than before I got my cast on. I can barely grip a pencil and the strength in my hand is very little. Just typing this much causes for a quick break. Don`t want to stress myself too much.
My hand is still torn up from the injuries that were hidden beneath the fiberglass shield for three weeks. The first thing I did when it was removed, even before I scrubbed, was my wrist fell and the pain was enormous. Then, I scrubbed and it was one of the hardest things I`ve ever done.
I haven`t been feeling well mentally lately. Maybe that would explain my recent chain smoking habit. It`s a shame, I was doing so well with quitting. Guess shit happens. You can`t force some one to quit something they don`t exactly want to quit to begin with. I know it`s bad for me and causes cancer, but I have no desire to better myself in that way, and for that it makes me a fool. I should be working towards bettering myself and improving my life, but I haven`t really been in that way.
I have put a lot of time into researching colleges, registering for the SATS, studying for the tests I`m about to take that will determine my future and trying to find a place to live. I know I cannot live under my parent`s roof forever. That’s why I have been thinking about where I`m going to go to college and where I`m going to live. Lucky for me, my dearest Steven has been so kind in offering me a place to stay with him in Philadelphia, and more likely than not I`m going to take that chance. I want to leave as early as July, so I can get settled, start a job and prepare for college. It won`t be easy preparing for the spring of fall semester if I don`t have money in my pocket and only settle a week or two before I start school. I need time to learn the ways of the city, find where the transportation takes me and learn the streets and best restaurants and all that stuff.
I am very well looking forward to my future ahead, it seems to bright now, when only a year ago, it seemed so bleak and dim. I am proud of myself for what I`ve accomplished in just a lowly year. It pleases me greatly that I have so much to look forward to in my future.
< New Topic >
Could I be moving forward?
I`ve written many times about my heart throb, the one person that with a single word can lift me up or tear my world apart. Relationship wise he`s the only real love I`ve ever known. And when it all falls down it all seems to return to him and he makes me happier than I had previously been.
It`s been such a disappointment to see myself so miserable and dependent.
I think I might be ready to move forward with my life. The future I seem to have chosen looks very much like it might not end up involving him at all. He has always been reluctant to leave his home in Indiana, he`s always wanted me to go to him. And for the longest time I`ve taken this into consideration. We would always talk about when we graduated high school that we`d move in together and that we`d live happily ever after. But the more I plan for my own life, the less he looks like he will be in it. I know I cannot plan my life to revolve around him and he cannot plan his life to revolve around mine. So one day, if we`re both lucky, in the future we`ll stand beside each other and not ever change our minds on our childhood relationship. But until that day, I do not think I can let my world revolve around you when you look not twice at the way life has been.
I`ve sacrificed much for you. I used to plan my life around you and do everything to please you, for I feared that if I displeased you, that you would be gone in the moment I blinked. But now I don`t think that I`m so scared to lose you.
[I think this is because I haven`t spoken to you in a bit of time and I might just be able to detach myself from you. I know to hear your voice would make me fall again back to where I started,
it`s always that way.]
[I`m just like my sister in that fashion. Her and Mat have dated for about six months, broken up twice. But no matter how much they try and detach themselves, they`ll always fall victim to each other`s charm. This is their third time dating.]
Actually come to think about it, they are almost in the same predicament I am in. On their end, both of them commit the sin of omission, sneak around and pretend everything`s alright, but by the end of the day, they`re in each other`s arms and telling the other how much they love each other. It`s disgusting. Just like me.
I love Jacob for who he is, but I hate him for who he is too. It`s just like the quotes state…
I hate you enough to want you out of my life, but I need you too much to tell you
Rachel
You lie through your teeth, you won`t let me down
My hand is still torn up from the injuries that were hidden beneath the fiberglass shield for three weeks. The first thing I did when it was removed, even before I scrubbed, was my wrist fell and the pain was enormous. Then, I scrubbed and it was one of the hardest things I`ve ever done.
I haven`t been feeling well mentally lately. Maybe that would explain my recent chain smoking habit. It`s a shame, I was doing so well with quitting. Guess shit happens. You can`t force some one to quit something they don`t exactly want to quit to begin with. I know it`s bad for me and causes cancer, but I have no desire to better myself in that way, and for that it makes me a fool. I should be working towards bettering myself and improving my life, but I haven`t really been in that way.
I have put a lot of time into researching colleges, registering for the SATS, studying for the tests I`m about to take that will determine my future and trying to find a place to live. I know I cannot live under my parent`s roof forever. That’s why I have been thinking about where I`m going to go to college and where I`m going to live. Lucky for me, my dearest Steven has been so kind in offering me a place to stay with him in Philadelphia, and more likely than not I`m going to take that chance. I want to leave as early as July, so I can get settled, start a job and prepare for college. It won`t be easy preparing for the spring of fall semester if I don`t have money in my pocket and only settle a week or two before I start school. I need time to learn the ways of the city, find where the transportation takes me and learn the streets and best restaurants and all that stuff.
I am very well looking forward to my future ahead, it seems to bright now, when only a year ago, it seemed so bleak and dim. I am proud of myself for what I`ve accomplished in just a lowly year. It pleases me greatly that I have so much to look forward to in my future.
< New Topic >
Could I be moving forward?
I`ve written many times about my heart throb, the one person that with a single word can lift me up or tear my world apart. Relationship wise he`s the only real love I`ve ever known. And when it all falls down it all seems to return to him and he makes me happier than I had previously been.
It`s been such a disappointment to see myself so miserable and dependent.
I think I might be ready to move forward with my life. The future I seem to have chosen looks very much like it might not end up involving him at all. He has always been reluctant to leave his home in Indiana, he`s always wanted me to go to him. And for the longest time I`ve taken this into consideration. We would always talk about when we graduated high school that we`d move in together and that we`d live happily ever after. But the more I plan for my own life, the less he looks like he will be in it. I know I cannot plan my life to revolve around him and he cannot plan his life to revolve around mine. So one day, if we`re both lucky, in the future we`ll stand beside each other and not ever change our minds on our childhood relationship. But until that day, I do not think I can let my world revolve around you when you look not twice at the way life has been.
I`ve sacrificed much for you. I used to plan my life around you and do everything to please you, for I feared that if I displeased you, that you would be gone in the moment I blinked. But now I don`t think that I`m so scared to lose you.
[I think this is because I haven`t spoken to you in a bit of time and I might just be able to detach myself from you. I know to hear your voice would make me fall again back to where I started,
it`s always that way.]
[I`m just like my sister in that fashion. Her and Mat have dated for about six months, broken up twice. But no matter how much they try and detach themselves, they`ll always fall victim to each other`s charm. This is their third time dating.]
Actually come to think about it, they are almost in the same predicament I am in. On their end, both of them commit the sin of omission, sneak around and pretend everything`s alright, but by the end of the day, they`re in each other`s arms and telling the other how much they love each other. It`s disgusting. Just like me.
I love Jacob for who he is, but I hate him for who he is too. It`s just like the quotes state…
I hate you enough to want you out of my life, but I need you too much to tell you
Rachel
You lie through your teeth, you won`t let me down