You kill me well...
And I think sometimes it`s forgotten that infact I am a human being too. One that comes with the default , unremovable attachments of emotion and thought. And just the same as you I actually feel. Pain seems to be the game of so many unsuitors. Lies and deceit have been broken down in to three simple words everybody uses... "I love you"... I no longer feel the backdrop of these words but sit numb and emotionless in the end. That`s the way I`ve been trained to be. All I`ve ever wanted was to be treated right and everything I`ve ever got was the sharp end of the knife through my tattered heart. It`s so damaged right now I don`t even know if it still bleeds.
There is nothing I want more than to love you and to be loved back. But it seems impossible. Why have you thrown almost six years away? I thought everything we had.. everything we`ve carried on was the truth... But now I understand and realize that I`ve been looking through a blind eye and everything died oh so long ago when I lost you at the three year mark.
Now I sit in tears at this hollow desk, the words blurred before my eyes. And I wish to be held and comforted and whispered sweet nothings and listen to sweet coo`s coming from your mouth. But I wish not to be touched. I could not stand being touched at this moment I have turned so fragile and drown in emotion that swollows me whole.
And why must this sea of emotion come crashing my way and fall upon me like a blanket of daggers. I wish they would tear me up and bring death to everything I`ve achieved and worked so hard to hold on to.
And this whole time you`ve sat and denied me. Which is alright because I`ve been denied my whole life. And if we could stand eye to eye you`d understand how much you`ve torn me apart and ripped me open. In my eyes you`d see the blood my soul bleeds in the form of water droplets on the lid of my orbital. But you`d turn your head up and walk away because my pain doesn`t affect your world. My love was never good enough for you, or even enough to make you feel. I have wasted everything I had and now I sit alone with no one to blame but myself for being so weak.
You kill me well.
RJ
There is nothing I want more than to love you and to be loved back. But it seems impossible. Why have you thrown almost six years away? I thought everything we had.. everything we`ve carried on was the truth... But now I understand and realize that I`ve been looking through a blind eye and everything died oh so long ago when I lost you at the three year mark.
Now I sit in tears at this hollow desk, the words blurred before my eyes. And I wish to be held and comforted and whispered sweet nothings and listen to sweet coo`s coming from your mouth. But I wish not to be touched. I could not stand being touched at this moment I have turned so fragile and drown in emotion that swollows me whole.
And why must this sea of emotion come crashing my way and fall upon me like a blanket of daggers. I wish they would tear me up and bring death to everything I`ve achieved and worked so hard to hold on to.
And this whole time you`ve sat and denied me. Which is alright because I`ve been denied my whole life. And if we could stand eye to eye you`d understand how much you`ve torn me apart and ripped me open. In my eyes you`d see the blood my soul bleeds in the form of water droplets on the lid of my orbital. But you`d turn your head up and walk away because my pain doesn`t affect your world. My love was never good enough for you, or even enough to make you feel. I have wasted everything I had and now I sit alone with no one to blame but myself for being so weak.
You kill me well.
RJ