Ugh
Sudden decision made by me last night.......I`m moving from NC to Colorado in a week and a half.....yes as soon as my exams are finished I`m leaving.
I can`t deal with this anymore.....it`s cruel, unjust and just plain unfair.......I don`t deserve to have to babysit my 13 year old brother because he is so irresponsible. If some one doesn`t watch him, he`ll play with fire and attempt to burn the house down (if by accident or purpose,I have no clue), he vandalizes everything, touches everything that doesn`t belong to him, goes through mine/my sister's and my parent`s rooms, steals shit, steals money, jewelry.....He`s a monster.
He sits and argues with me and Hannah until our eyes pop out or we`re so stressed from telling him no and his smart ass comments tear us down so bad that we just explode. He thinks he can touch anything he wants to....that everything belongs to him and he has the right to do anything. He treats Hannah and I like shit, let alone women in general......he has no respect for my mom.......She works SO hard, every day for about 14 hours a day managing the restaurant and he calls her every day and harasses her on the phone because he doesn`t get his way. She doesn`t deserve or need that. He harasses me and Hannah, trying to say he`ll black mail us....He reminds me every day that I`m a piece of shit. He gets violent and physical......he`s hit me a few times before. He`s pulled knives on my friends who were invited in my house because they`re 16, 17, 18 years old, he JUST turned 13 and they don`t want to hang out with him because he's too young and immature.
He used to BEG for weed EVERY day from Josh and Justin......go across the street to their house and beg, when they`d come here he would harass them......they finally gave in and let him have some......he snitched on them and now Justin has 3 misdemeanors (thank God they weren`t felonies) and Josh just hit his 3rd probation violation and is going back to Jail for 45 days. The boy[Brother] takes no remourse....no....he`s more proud of what he did......seeing as how he brags that "he`s not going to jail"......He takes pride in ruining the lives of others...thats something I could spit at.
It is also unfair of me to leave my 15 year old sister to deal with this......but she`s better suited than I am.
This boy's driven me in and out of therapy......my stress level is maxed out and over the top......I`m gunna have a heart attack by the time I`m 20 if my stress level keeps like this....
Yesterday I had an anxiety attack so bad that I stopped breathing and my face turned blue......shortly after I bowed before the porcelain God [not to mention I had not eaten for 2 days] for about 15 minutes.
We argued for a LONG time yesterday.....First off, from orders of my father, he is grounded to his room, no TV, no music, no PS 2, nothing....by himself in his room all day.....well he got suspended on Monday for fighting in school, so he`s home for 4 days (until thursday or friday)......my dad goes to work between 1:45 and 2:00 pm in the afternoon.....Hannah and I don`t get home afterschool until 2:30.....so he has 30/45 minutes to roam free.....well during this time, he takes advantage of the lack of supervision and gets on the computer or goes outside..basically he does what every the fuck he wants....Yesterday I went over to see Josh and Justin after school and didn`t go home until 3:30 (The boy standing at the window trying to snag a picture of me walking away from Josh's house....because my mom dont want me there until after court because my brother snitched.......with my mother`s $300 digital camera she has DEMANDED time and AGAIN he NOT touch....he breaks EVERYTHING)...which was fine because my sister and her friend Connor were there watching him......well when I got home, Hannah had recently left and the boy was there on his lonesome......He(13) approached me(17) and demanded to know where I was....I told him that I was out and where I was, was none of his concern....Thw phone rang and I answer and start talking to my uncle......and again the boy demands to know who I`m speaking to.....once I tell him it`s not his business who I`m speaking to, he gets angry and starts rebelling. I let my uncle go so I can deal with the problem.
I sat calm and told him that he needs to go to his room.....he tells me that he`s going to the living room to watch TV.....I retort that he is not and will be going back to his room.....he laughs insultingly and mockingly at me and tells me to "fuck off, bitch, you are not the boss of me, I can do whatever the fuck I want to do" and struts on into the living room......I`m angry so I let him do what the fuck he pleases.....he returns shortly after that and demands at me "I`m going to play the PS 2 online" and I look at him and told him "No". This angers him more, and he decides he wants to fight again...."I`m playing MY PS 2 on MY TV in THIS room RIGHT NOW ON-LINE" and I sigh...by this time steam is coming out of my ears and I retort very choppily and in a low monotoneous voice "No.....this is MY TV in this room......I allowed you to take it from MY room to play your online PS2......you are not playing PS 2.......The answer is NO".
To this he rebels......He takes his golf club outside and decides he`s gunna play golf.....all over the court......which outside is a place he`s allowed to be....so I call him inside.....to which he, with a small fight, returns to the inside.....He starts whacking his golf ball around the house......around my dad`s brand new 52" wide screen HDTV that costed him a small fortune. First off.....he`s not supposed to be playing golf in the house in the fist place, so another arguement.....he comes and sits in the chair beside me and taps the golf club against the chair.....after about 2 minutes, I`ve had enough and very nicely tell him "Clayton, stop tapping that blasted thing against the effin chair. He looks up at me, smirks, shrugs and continues tapping......this time louder..after about a minute I can`t take it and explode "BOY STOP HITTING THAT SHIT ON THE CHAIR BEFORE I BREAK THAT FUCKING CLUB" to this his face turns red.......kinda like my dad's when he gets angry, that cherry tomato red...... and he goes "Shut the FUCK UP, you even try and touch my golf club I`ll stab you!" and then he whispers "and when the cops come...I`ll tell them you tried to assault me with the golf club and it`s the only thing i could do....and they'd take you to jail".
I had had it, that was my LAST nerve and he saw it and took off into the other room where he sat in the hall, out of my sight calling my name and yelling at poor Reesey Dog for looking at his golf ball... He dialed my mother at work on the phone and tried to cry to her....to which she demanded to speak to me......the boy approached, face steamed-lobster red and slammed the phone down on my hand....her and I spoke......I appologized for the disturbance....my anxiety hitting my chest and my breathing becoming short and choppy.....and then it was I couldn`t breathe....I panicked and ran to the bathroom, my cheeks red, forehead red, purple starting to creap across my cheek bones, I ran and grabbed my inhaler and let out a breath...then ran directly to the bathroom and bowed before the God.
An hour later my mom came home.......
I decided to put new upholstry on my chair.......so I`m starting with the BADLY beaten up and ripped arms....I had cut the fabric and sewed one arm on...took a break.....returning to my work station moments later, the boy reappeared carrying the other arm fabric and proudly announced "I took the little beads off". My stress level being maxed out I cried out "WHY?! They were SUPPOSED to be there!" and he retorts in a bastard-ous tone "Because I didn`t like them".
After that I walked out.....I could NOT take it.
I told my mom shortly after that I was going to Colorado...that uncle Greg had offered to pay my ticket and she didn`t take it well....I`ve already decided I`m going......We`ll just see what falls in next.
Rachel Jones
Silence Studios
I can`t deal with this anymore.....it`s cruel, unjust and just plain unfair.......I don`t deserve to have to babysit my 13 year old brother because he is so irresponsible. If some one doesn`t watch him, he`ll play with fire and attempt to burn the house down (if by accident or purpose,I have no clue), he vandalizes everything, touches everything that doesn`t belong to him, goes through mine/my sister's and my parent`s rooms, steals shit, steals money, jewelry.....He`s a monster.
He sits and argues with me and Hannah until our eyes pop out or we`re so stressed from telling him no and his smart ass comments tear us down so bad that we just explode. He thinks he can touch anything he wants to....that everything belongs to him and he has the right to do anything. He treats Hannah and I like shit, let alone women in general......he has no respect for my mom.......She works SO hard, every day for about 14 hours a day managing the restaurant and he calls her every day and harasses her on the phone because he doesn`t get his way. She doesn`t deserve or need that. He harasses me and Hannah, trying to say he`ll black mail us....He reminds me every day that I`m a piece of shit. He gets violent and physical......he`s hit me a few times before. He`s pulled knives on my friends who were invited in my house because they`re 16, 17, 18 years old, he JUST turned 13 and they don`t want to hang out with him because he's too young and immature.
He used to BEG for weed EVERY day from Josh and Justin......go across the street to their house and beg, when they`d come here he would harass them......they finally gave in and let him have some......he snitched on them and now Justin has 3 misdemeanors (thank God they weren`t felonies) and Josh just hit his 3rd probation violation and is going back to Jail for 45 days. The boy[Brother] takes no remourse....no....he`s more proud of what he did......seeing as how he brags that "he`s not going to jail"......He takes pride in ruining the lives of others...thats something I could spit at.
It is also unfair of me to leave my 15 year old sister to deal with this......but she`s better suited than I am.
This boy's driven me in and out of therapy......my stress level is maxed out and over the top......I`m gunna have a heart attack by the time I`m 20 if my stress level keeps like this....
Yesterday I had an anxiety attack so bad that I stopped breathing and my face turned blue......shortly after I bowed before the porcelain God [not to mention I had not eaten for 2 days] for about 15 minutes.
We argued for a LONG time yesterday.....First off, from orders of my father, he is grounded to his room, no TV, no music, no PS 2, nothing....by himself in his room all day.....well he got suspended on Monday for fighting in school, so he`s home for 4 days (until thursday or friday)......my dad goes to work between 1:45 and 2:00 pm in the afternoon.....Hannah and I don`t get home afterschool until 2:30.....so he has 30/45 minutes to roam free.....well during this time, he takes advantage of the lack of supervision and gets on the computer or goes outside..basically he does what every the fuck he wants....Yesterday I went over to see Josh and Justin after school and didn`t go home until 3:30 (The boy standing at the window trying to snag a picture of me walking away from Josh's house....because my mom dont want me there until after court because my brother snitched.......with my mother`s $300 digital camera she has DEMANDED time and AGAIN he NOT touch....he breaks EVERYTHING)...which was fine because my sister and her friend Connor were there watching him......well when I got home, Hannah had recently left and the boy was there on his lonesome......He(13) approached me(17) and demanded to know where I was....I told him that I was out and where I was, was none of his concern....Thw phone rang and I answer and start talking to my uncle......and again the boy demands to know who I`m speaking to.....once I tell him it`s not his business who I`m speaking to, he gets angry and starts rebelling. I let my uncle go so I can deal with the problem.
I sat calm and told him that he needs to go to his room.....he tells me that he`s going to the living room to watch TV.....I retort that he is not and will be going back to his room.....he laughs insultingly and mockingly at me and tells me to "fuck off, bitch, you are not the boss of me, I can do whatever the fuck I want to do" and struts on into the living room......I`m angry so I let him do what the fuck he pleases.....he returns shortly after that and demands at me "I`m going to play the PS 2 online" and I look at him and told him "No". This angers him more, and he decides he wants to fight again...."I`m playing MY PS 2 on MY TV in THIS room RIGHT NOW ON-LINE" and I sigh...by this time steam is coming out of my ears and I retort very choppily and in a low monotoneous voice "No.....this is MY TV in this room......I allowed you to take it from MY room to play your online PS2......you are not playing PS 2.......The answer is NO".
To this he rebels......He takes his golf club outside and decides he`s gunna play golf.....all over the court......which outside is a place he`s allowed to be....so I call him inside.....to which he, with a small fight, returns to the inside.....He starts whacking his golf ball around the house......around my dad`s brand new 52" wide screen HDTV that costed him a small fortune. First off.....he`s not supposed to be playing golf in the house in the fist place, so another arguement.....he comes and sits in the chair beside me and taps the golf club against the chair.....after about 2 minutes, I`ve had enough and very nicely tell him "Clayton, stop tapping that blasted thing against the effin chair. He looks up at me, smirks, shrugs and continues tapping......this time louder..after about a minute I can`t take it and explode "BOY STOP HITTING THAT SHIT ON THE CHAIR BEFORE I BREAK THAT FUCKING CLUB" to this his face turns red.......kinda like my dad's when he gets angry, that cherry tomato red...... and he goes "Shut the FUCK UP, you even try and touch my golf club I`ll stab you!" and then he whispers "and when the cops come...I`ll tell them you tried to assault me with the golf club and it`s the only thing i could do....and they'd take you to jail".
I had had it, that was my LAST nerve and he saw it and took off into the other room where he sat in the hall, out of my sight calling my name and yelling at poor Reesey Dog for looking at his golf ball... He dialed my mother at work on the phone and tried to cry to her....to which she demanded to speak to me......the boy approached, face steamed-lobster red and slammed the phone down on my hand....her and I spoke......I appologized for the disturbance....my anxiety hitting my chest and my breathing becoming short and choppy.....and then it was I couldn`t breathe....I panicked and ran to the bathroom, my cheeks red, forehead red, purple starting to creap across my cheek bones, I ran and grabbed my inhaler and let out a breath...then ran directly to the bathroom and bowed before the God.
An hour later my mom came home.......
I decided to put new upholstry on my chair.......so I`m starting with the BADLY beaten up and ripped arms....I had cut the fabric and sewed one arm on...took a break.....returning to my work station moments later, the boy reappeared carrying the other arm fabric and proudly announced "I took the little beads off". My stress level being maxed out I cried out "WHY?! They were SUPPOSED to be there!" and he retorts in a bastard-ous tone "Because I didn`t like them".
After that I walked out.....I could NOT take it.
I told my mom shortly after that I was going to Colorado...that uncle Greg had offered to pay my ticket and she didn`t take it well....I`ve already decided I`m going......We`ll just see what falls in next.
Rachel Jones
Silence Studios