Fuck my mind
So, I have this feeling that I could fall for two different people. One person is a work person, but currently in a relationship. The other is an emotional cripple. HA! I always find a way to want things that I can never have...
This perplexes me.
I am somewhat of a pimp right now. I just like to have sex and go about my merry way without the burden of strings and letting another person down. And then I start worrying. I worry that the other person might fall for me and I just push them away because I am tired of being used. And yet I always let myself get used.
So, I am just letting my own mind fuck myself up right now, mostly because it is late and I have nothing better to do at 3 in the morning.
I watch people use others while pretending that they aren't and that they are completely against it and they don't like relationships and they are honest about that so it makes it all ok. Ha! I can already see their downfall. You can only lie to yourself for so long and then realize that you are seriously fucking people over, including yourself by remaining seperate.
I have a feeling that one of my friends is just setting themselves up for a massive amount of pain also by just pushing everything away and then expecting everyone else to be ok with that. I find it sad. And yet I find it attractive because they are so fucked up.
I don't want to hurt anyone. I think that is what it all comes down to. I don't want to end up just another girl who lets someone down. The fact is that people are so fucked up that I can't help but let them down because they just sit there and destroy themselves.
I don't know what the hell is in my head right now. I think I am just bitter because I find that mankind is letting me down by making so many fucked up individuals that are truly incapable of loving another. Everyone has all of this baggage and it pisses me off because I had to deal with mine and work my ass off to change, and everyone else just sits there and fucks themselves up because they just don't want to do the work and pain of change.
Fuck people. I have decided that so few are even capable of loving in the way that I love and it is all just a waste of time. Love is a waste of time for me right now because everyone is too fucked up.
And yet it would still be nice to have...
It isn't that I am lonely. I just wish people could love like I do. I wish I could love someone and not have it be a waste of time.
I need to go to sleep. This is all rediculous.
I just needed to vent about stupid ramblings inside my own head late at night. I will be over it by morning. But then I will get angry when I see a certain person because they are such an emotional cripple, and it would be nice if they weren't.
I just wish I could have something real for once.
This perplexes me.
I am somewhat of a pimp right now. I just like to have sex and go about my merry way without the burden of strings and letting another person down. And then I start worrying. I worry that the other person might fall for me and I just push them away because I am tired of being used. And yet I always let myself get used.
So, I am just letting my own mind fuck myself up right now, mostly because it is late and I have nothing better to do at 3 in the morning.
I watch people use others while pretending that they aren't and that they are completely against it and they don't like relationships and they are honest about that so it makes it all ok. Ha! I can already see their downfall. You can only lie to yourself for so long and then realize that you are seriously fucking people over, including yourself by remaining seperate.
I have a feeling that one of my friends is just setting themselves up for a massive amount of pain also by just pushing everything away and then expecting everyone else to be ok with that. I find it sad. And yet I find it attractive because they are so fucked up.
I don't want to hurt anyone. I think that is what it all comes down to. I don't want to end up just another girl who lets someone down. The fact is that people are so fucked up that I can't help but let them down because they just sit there and destroy themselves.
I don't know what the hell is in my head right now. I think I am just bitter because I find that mankind is letting me down by making so many fucked up individuals that are truly incapable of loving another. Everyone has all of this baggage and it pisses me off because I had to deal with mine and work my ass off to change, and everyone else just sits there and fucks themselves up because they just don't want to do the work and pain of change.
Fuck people. I have decided that so few are even capable of loving in the way that I love and it is all just a waste of time. Love is a waste of time for me right now because everyone is too fucked up.
And yet it would still be nice to have...
It isn't that I am lonely. I just wish people could love like I do. I wish I could love someone and not have it be a waste of time.
I need to go to sleep. This is all rediculous.
I just needed to vent about stupid ramblings inside my own head late at night. I will be over it by morning. But then I will get angry when I see a certain person because they are such an emotional cripple, and it would be nice if they weren't.
I just wish I could have something real for once.