My Nursing Story
I’ve always known that I wanted to breastfeed. It never crossed my mind during my pregnancy that I would need bottles or formula. My body somehow knew how to grow the babe, why wouldn’t it know how to make the milk it needed to keep him happy and thriving? My little guy was born slightly premature and everything went chaotic. The nurses started him on formula in the NICU before I even got to hold him. Every form I had signed said “Breast ONLY”. I was handed my baby with a bottle and they said “Here you go. Congratulations, Mom.” He lacked any real sucking reflex and his sugar levels had dropped to the mid 20’s, so they took him from me so they could (force) feed him formula. I had tried to nurse him, but there was no latch and no support from the nurses. I cried the entire night. I felt like I was a failure because my body had failed to keep him until he was full-term, and now it couldn’t feed him either.
The next day, my hero arrived. An IBCLC came in, threw the bottles away, and latched him on. This was no easy task - I don’t exactly have the largest nipples in the world. (Tried nipple shields numerous times. Didn't work) But he latched on enough to eat a little colostrum. She was angry with the nurses for not introducing me to a breastpump. The entire time I was in the hospital, the nurses had promised to help me with nursing. NOT ONE DID. When we were discharged, we were given a Similac bag with samples and shooed out the door. We went to the Mommy & Me center and rented a Medela Symphony.
I got home, he refused to latch on at ALL, so I started pumping. Hardly anything came out, but I kept at it. I mixed the colostrum with the formula they had given me because he needed the preemie formula to “get his caloric intake up” (blah blah blah). We were able to nurse directly from the tap, and my husband could feed him from bottles. Combine everything so far with returning to work full time earlier than planned. We literally ran out of money because I am the sole income provider and maternity leave only covered 60% for 6 weeks. Enter Nipple Confusion.
I bought a Medela Pump In Style Advanced, and it became my constant companion. I would pump every two hours, around the clock. I would set my alarm to guarantee that I would pump every two hours, for 20 minutes at a time. After about two months of this, a very sleep-deprived Me thought about giving up. Then, I remembered the metallic taste of the canned formula, or the skim-milk version that you mixed up. And that has been one of my main motivators. I brought him into this world, and will do what I have to in order to give him the best. I owed it to him. He fought his way out of the NICU, and like hell was I going to give up just because it was hard and time consuming. I joined Adopt-A-Mom in the hopes of getting him back to the breast. He no longer screams at the breast, but he won’t suckle. He blows raspberries.
Here I am, almost 8.5 months after his birth. I continue to pump. I only have to pump five times a day now, and average 45-50 ounces a day. If I run low - I adjust my schedule and cram in one to two more sessions for several days until my body catches up. I don’t need to supplement. And I will continue to pump and provide him breastmilk until he is at LEAST two years old! I learned to believe in my body a bit more. I have a lot more faith in myself, inspired by my little boy.