(no subject)

[delirium9]

I feel like such a fake.
Like living someone else's life.
Or rather...
as if someone else was living mine.
Who am I?
Who is this being that inhabits my body
and moves under my skin
and walks, and talks,
and pretends to live...?

I don't know who I am anymore.
I don't know how to reinvent myself
because I don't know where to begin...
or with what...
or with who.

Every day I go through life like a robot
and at the end of the day
I don't know what I did...
I don't know why I did it...
it doesn't bring me joy...
it doesn't make me sad...
it just sits there at the back of my mind...

For so long I was tired of feeling
of wasting away my days while feeling too much
and ripping myself apart.
And now...
I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore.
Have I fallen into the blank of oblivion...
of white noise buffering my feelings
and numbing my emotions?
Is this what that is like?
Because I don't like it.
I don't like what I've become.
I don't like who I've become...
if I only knew WHO I was.