(no subject)
Well, I thought that this huge car accident would rid me of bulimia since I went with minimal food in the hospital for a month. I was actually at my lowest weight in a long time. But now I find myself having the WORST ever binge/purge cycles. They are not as bad as before since each binge is no more than 700 cals, but its so much harder to purge because of all the stuff wrong with my chest (broke left side ribs, punctured lung, lacerated spleen, and pneumonias in both lungs)....ahhhhh...i'm so goddam sick of this. But today is better than yesterday and yesterday was better than the day before, everytime I look in the mirror and see myself getting fatter I become more determined to fight this shit and gain control. Tonite I'm doing great so far, I got out of dinner by just telling my mom I ate a big lunch (shes taking care of me until I'm better since I can't be at my apartment by myself) This just sucks to have so much progress and then just lose it one day, like completely lose it. It doesn't make sense...but none of this does anyways, sorry I'm babbling I'm just devastated. ok well I hope tomorrow's update is alot better.
xoxo d
xoxo d