OOC: The Chronicles of the Bromates -- Part 2: The Tenth
Karl wiped blood and mud off of his boots on their welcome mat before walking into the apartment. As he turned around, he unbuttoned his coat and saw his bromate sitting on the kitchen table, his hands folded and a single piece of paper in front of him. Only the kitchen light was on, shining light upon Max and the one piece of paper.
"Oh, um...sup, bro? How was your day?" Karl asked awkward. He hung his coat up onto the hook and strode forward toward the kitchen, deciding to mae himself some hot cocoa because of the coldness outside. "My night class was balls. I hate Cosmotology so much. But, I guess I need the credit..."
"Karl," Max said suddenly, staring up at his friend with an incredibly serious business face. "We need to talk. I have pulled out the Brommandments, and I think we need--"
"No! We said we wouldn't be holding a Brommandment session until like three months from now!" Karl yelled, putting the mug of milk in the microwave. "The session schedule should stand."
"Normally I would agree. But, based on the amount of poontang we've gotten from Delilah and Luca, I think we need to lay down some Brommandments. In regard to the poontang."
"I guess the poontang does need to be acknowledged."
Karl slid down into the seat across from Max and beheld the Brommandments. The Brommandments were rules written down and notarized to serve as the ruling backbone of their apartment. Breaking a Brommandment was seriously not cool. As it stood, there were nine Brommandments, and they read as follows:
1. Thou shalt not drink straight from the carton; it's gross.
2. Thou shalt not take up all the space on the DVR. Especially with episodes of Days of Our Lives. Though that is a most excellent program.
3. Thou shalt keep thine hands away from a fellow bro's food.
4. Thou shalt respect the video game equipment even if thine does lose to a Pac 10 team in Madden 2011.
5. Thou shalt put in thine own equal part for liquor money.
6. Thou shalt warn thy fellow bro if a member of the family is to come over so that the proper chores shall be completed.
7. Thou shalt acknowledge Megan Fox as the hottest woman in the world as per the agreement among Bros.
8. Thou shalt alert thy fellow Bro if and when thou goes out for food, as thy fellow Bro will always appreciate an invitation.
9. Thou shalt never, ever talk about the mother of a fellow Bro in vain.
Max pulled out another piece of paper and handed it to Karl. "I drew up a draft for Brommandment number ten. It says 'Thou shalt be respectful with thine own poontang or that poontang of a fellow Bro'. How does that sound to you?"
Karl frowned. "What, in like this context, does poontang entail? Is it just sex?"
Max considered this. "Well, there will be times when we may want to cuddle with our girlfriends...they are very cuddleable."
"Yea, quite cuddleable."
"So perhaps that should be added into the Brommandment. But what other forms of poontang are there?" Max asked.
The two men designed a list including every single version of 'poontang'. They reviewed the list now written down on the large white board Karl drug in from out of his room. The list included cuddling and sex of course, but added to the list was receiving head and the possibility of an orgy if their entire party was just drunk enough.
"See, but...what you're doing here is earmarking an orgy in. An orgy is not poontang--poontang is personal, deep, emotional, intimate. Hot and sexy, yes, but also very intimate. There's nothing intimate within an orgy," Karl explained to Max.
Max frowned. "Well, that would depend on your definition of intimate. Wouldn't you say you become intimate with me when we play Wii Fit?"
"Of course." Karl said this without hesitation.
"Then why can't an orgy be intimate? We're intimate with our girlfriends, we're defs intimate with each other, and I'm sure they get intimate when they go shopping or whatever the fuck they do...so why can't we all be intimate together?"
Karl stared at Max. He stared at Max like an alligator about to eat a zebra's face from the water's edge. "Because you're fucking retarded dude. I'm not going to act like an asshole like this during a session! You're mocking the Brommandment Special Sessions!"
"I am not! I'm just...oh fine, dude, fine. No orgies. If that makes you happy."
"No, bro, you're not listening to me! Orgies make me VERY happy, but this girl is...she's something different. She's not an orgy kind of girl. She's my girl, bro. Delilah is like...she's like a whole special thing...she's like a special kind of girl, man. And that's special." Karl's eyes had gotten softer and his expression light, like all he was thinking about what Delilah Taft's specialtyness.
Max also began to look distant as he thought about Luca. "I know what you mean, bro...it is special. These girls are special. That's why we have to respect one another's special poontang, be it cuddling or sex. I do like the tie-outside-the-door idea. It's classier than a sock."
Karl nodded in response. "And hey, you know, I'd agree that orgies are intimate. They'd be intimate between us." He slapped his fellow bro on the back, and Max grinned, returning the gesture. "Let's call this special Brommandment Session closed."
"The Tenth Brommandment will now and forever more read: 'Thou shalt respect thy fellow Bro's poontang moments, with varying degrees of intimacy and privacy, by displaying a Bro Tie on the door of what room you are getting said poontang." Max nodded and Karl did the same.
"I'm glad we could have this talk, Karl. I can always talk so honestly with you dude."
Karl smirked. "I feel the same way bro. Now let's go play Halo."
Karl and Max both rose up at the speed of light and skipped over to their Xbox 360 to begin what would be the best game of Halo the two will have ever played.
"Oh, um...sup, bro? How was your day?" Karl asked awkward. He hung his coat up onto the hook and strode forward toward the kitchen, deciding to mae himself some hot cocoa because of the coldness outside. "My night class was balls. I hate Cosmotology so much. But, I guess I need the credit..."
"Karl," Max said suddenly, staring up at his friend with an incredibly serious business face. "We need to talk. I have pulled out the Brommandments, and I think we need--"
"No! We said we wouldn't be holding a Brommandment session until like three months from now!" Karl yelled, putting the mug of milk in the microwave. "The session schedule should stand."
"Normally I would agree. But, based on the amount of poontang we've gotten from Delilah and Luca, I think we need to lay down some Brommandments. In regard to the poontang."
"I guess the poontang does need to be acknowledged."
Karl slid down into the seat across from Max and beheld the Brommandments. The Brommandments were rules written down and notarized to serve as the ruling backbone of their apartment. Breaking a Brommandment was seriously not cool. As it stood, there were nine Brommandments, and they read as follows:
1. Thou shalt not drink straight from the carton; it's gross.
2. Thou shalt not take up all the space on the DVR. Especially with episodes of Days of Our Lives. Though that is a most excellent program.
3. Thou shalt keep thine hands away from a fellow bro's food.
4. Thou shalt respect the video game equipment even if thine does lose to a Pac 10 team in Madden 2011.
5. Thou shalt put in thine own equal part for liquor money.
6. Thou shalt warn thy fellow bro if a member of the family is to come over so that the proper chores shall be completed.
7. Thou shalt acknowledge Megan Fox as the hottest woman in the world as per the agreement among Bros.
8. Thou shalt alert thy fellow Bro if and when thou goes out for food, as thy fellow Bro will always appreciate an invitation.
9. Thou shalt never, ever talk about the mother of a fellow Bro in vain.
Max pulled out another piece of paper and handed it to Karl. "I drew up a draft for Brommandment number ten. It says 'Thou shalt be respectful with thine own poontang or that poontang of a fellow Bro'. How does that sound to you?"
Karl frowned. "What, in like this context, does poontang entail? Is it just sex?"
Max considered this. "Well, there will be times when we may want to cuddle with our girlfriends...they are very cuddleable."
"Yea, quite cuddleable."
"So perhaps that should be added into the Brommandment. But what other forms of poontang are there?" Max asked.
The two men designed a list including every single version of 'poontang'. They reviewed the list now written down on the large white board Karl drug in from out of his room. The list included cuddling and sex of course, but added to the list was receiving head and the possibility of an orgy if their entire party was just drunk enough.
"See, but...what you're doing here is earmarking an orgy in. An orgy is not poontang--poontang is personal, deep, emotional, intimate. Hot and sexy, yes, but also very intimate. There's nothing intimate within an orgy," Karl explained to Max.
Max frowned. "Well, that would depend on your definition of intimate. Wouldn't you say you become intimate with me when we play Wii Fit?"
"Of course." Karl said this without hesitation.
"Then why can't an orgy be intimate? We're intimate with our girlfriends, we're defs intimate with each other, and I'm sure they get intimate when they go shopping or whatever the fuck they do...so why can't we all be intimate together?"
Karl stared at Max. He stared at Max like an alligator about to eat a zebra's face from the water's edge. "Because you're fucking retarded dude. I'm not going to act like an asshole like this during a session! You're mocking the Brommandment Special Sessions!"
"I am not! I'm just...oh fine, dude, fine. No orgies. If that makes you happy."
"No, bro, you're not listening to me! Orgies make me VERY happy, but this girl is...she's something different. She's not an orgy kind of girl. She's my girl, bro. Delilah is like...she's like a whole special thing...she's like a special kind of girl, man. And that's special." Karl's eyes had gotten softer and his expression light, like all he was thinking about what Delilah Taft's specialtyness.
Max also began to look distant as he thought about Luca. "I know what you mean, bro...it is special. These girls are special. That's why we have to respect one another's special poontang, be it cuddling or sex. I do like the tie-outside-the-door idea. It's classier than a sock."
Karl nodded in response. "And hey, you know, I'd agree that orgies are intimate. They'd be intimate between us." He slapped his fellow bro on the back, and Max grinned, returning the gesture. "Let's call this special Brommandment Session closed."
"The Tenth Brommandment will now and forever more read: 'Thou shalt respect thy fellow Bro's poontang moments, with varying degrees of intimacy and privacy, by displaying a Bro Tie on the door of what room you are getting said poontang." Max nodded and Karl did the same.
"I'm glad we could have this talk, Karl. I can always talk so honestly with you dude."
Karl smirked. "I feel the same way bro. Now let's go play Halo."
Karl and Max both rose up at the speed of light and skipped over to their Xbox 360 to begin what would be the best game of Halo the two will have ever played.