(no subject)
it sucks when you realize you haven't necessarily ever been true to yourself and you've just been building up something to avoid tearing it down.
i've made a mess of things and i'm not sure i can fix them. it seems like i have to lose everything to gain something.
unfortunately, i guess that something isn't as important to me as it is to some people- so who do i talk to? who can relate to what i feel when i can't even bear to expose it to myself? essentially, i've become this ridiculous shell of who i was and am unsure of what i could be. what i do know is that i am a self depreciating hypocrite who has decided to ignore my own problems and replaced them with those of other peoples. i can't even entertain the idea of my problems being my own. they should belong to someone else. someone older and smarter.
ugggghhh feeelings.
it's so stupid. sometimes i wish i had better genetics.
i've made a mess of things and i'm not sure i can fix them. it seems like i have to lose everything to gain something.
unfortunately, i guess that something isn't as important to me as it is to some people- so who do i talk to? who can relate to what i feel when i can't even bear to expose it to myself? essentially, i've become this ridiculous shell of who i was and am unsure of what i could be. what i do know is that i am a self depreciating hypocrite who has decided to ignore my own problems and replaced them with those of other peoples. i can't even entertain the idea of my problems being my own. they should belong to someone else. someone older and smarter.
ugggghhh feeelings.
it's so stupid. sometimes i wish i had better genetics.