(no subject)
So much going on.
Tri State was amazing, and I really want to go back. I really want to go to FSU, but realistically thinking, I may not get into the school because of grades. I might do IRCC for a year or two...even though I dont want to.
So much with band and drama. Sigh. I'm not doing Astonishing. I think Im going to do Surabaya Santa.
The Poulenc kicks my ass. I'm scared I won't make it to State.
And last but not least...I'm lonely. I flirt with like everyone cause Im so lonely. Johnny was an asshole. We dont even tal anymore. The other day he sent me pictures or some sht of his car and I was like "'X" out of the IM window ASAP. He doesnt deserve for me to respond to him.
And Jordan...I miss him. I really do. Sometimes I just think about him and sob. I still have his shirt and boxers and stuff. Sometimes I breathe in his shirt, and its like hes here. I cry. I cry whenever I thnk about him. Sometimes I mis him so much it hurts. I feel it inmy heart. Its so hard knowing its my fault. Fuck you Johnny. I wish I never got involved with that asshole. I guess Jordan and I breaking up was inevitable. But I didnt think he would stop havig feelings for me...
Its so hard knowing I'm still stuck on him and he's moved on. Moe says he is probably fucking hot college bitches. Or at least like eing a pimp and talking them all up. Imagining him talking to another girl...having feelings for another girl.. it tears me apart. It really really does...I wish he still had feelings for me. The last time we hung out we were cuddling together and I just started weeping. And proceeded into full on crying. And you know what he did? He patted me on the back and gave me the talk. The 'talk'. The "Don't worry...you're a pretty girl with a lot of talent".
Do you know what its LIKE to have the TALK by the man you still wish loved you? Its sickening. Its depressing. I cried even harder and told him "Dont do that....please dont do that."
He changed hs Myspace stat to Single. It was on married for soooo long. We decided not to change it. We had anklets...they both broke.
Oh. Also. He forgot my birthday, my favorite colors, my middle name, the day that was our anniversary, the moth we started dating (he guessed February...it was April). Its like he forgot...me. Us.
He has all these pretty girls on his facebook and stuff. From FAU. And i the back of my head I wonder if he likes any of them. Or thinks they're hot.
Why doesnt he like me anymore? I didnt think that if you really loved smeone it could all go away. Just like that. Everything. Like it never happened.
3 years. Liking someone for over 3 years.And suddenly it all disappears?
Im going to cry now.
I miss him.
Tri State was amazing, and I really want to go back. I really want to go to FSU, but realistically thinking, I may not get into the school because of grades. I might do IRCC for a year or two...even though I dont want to.
So much with band and drama. Sigh. I'm not doing Astonishing. I think Im going to do Surabaya Santa.
The Poulenc kicks my ass. I'm scared I won't make it to State.
And last but not least...I'm lonely. I flirt with like everyone cause Im so lonely. Johnny was an asshole. We dont even tal anymore. The other day he sent me pictures or some sht of his car and I was like "'X" out of the IM window ASAP. He doesnt deserve for me to respond to him.
And Jordan...I miss him. I really do. Sometimes I just think about him and sob. I still have his shirt and boxers and stuff. Sometimes I breathe in his shirt, and its like hes here. I cry. I cry whenever I thnk about him. Sometimes I mis him so much it hurts. I feel it inmy heart. Its so hard knowing its my fault. Fuck you Johnny. I wish I never got involved with that asshole. I guess Jordan and I breaking up was inevitable. But I didnt think he would stop havig feelings for me...
Its so hard knowing I'm still stuck on him and he's moved on. Moe says he is probably fucking hot college bitches. Or at least like eing a pimp and talking them all up. Imagining him talking to another girl...having feelings for another girl.. it tears me apart. It really really does...I wish he still had feelings for me. The last time we hung out we were cuddling together and I just started weeping. And proceeded into full on crying. And you know what he did? He patted me on the back and gave me the talk. The 'talk'. The "Don't worry...you're a pretty girl with a lot of talent".
Do you know what its LIKE to have the TALK by the man you still wish loved you? Its sickening. Its depressing. I cried even harder and told him "Dont do that....please dont do that."
He changed hs Myspace stat to Single. It was on married for soooo long. We decided not to change it. We had anklets...they both broke.
Oh. Also. He forgot my birthday, my favorite colors, my middle name, the day that was our anniversary, the moth we started dating (he guessed February...it was April). Its like he forgot...me. Us.
He has all these pretty girls on his facebook and stuff. From FAU. And i the back of my head I wonder if he likes any of them. Or thinks they're hot.
Why doesnt he like me anymore? I didnt think that if you really loved smeone it could all go away. Just like that. Everything. Like it never happened.
3 years. Liking someone for over 3 years.And suddenly it all disappears?
Im going to cry now.
I miss him.