i never proofread my entries lol. this shit DONT MAKE NO SENSE
Well last night was great :) Amazing actually. Lol i was sooo nervous. I had to have my hair exactly right. And my make up and clothes and everything. And after driving around for about half an hour or something, finding nowhere to go, we ended up coming right back to my house and staying there. It was nice <3 Seeing him after a month, it was awkward for me at first, but after about 5 minutes it was picking up like he hadn't even been gone.
I am pretty sure I love him. I'm amost positive. And that scares me. I mean, anytime I got this close to someone I just ended up getting hurt. Putting so much of myself into one person, and sharing so much, it's beautiful but it's really putting myself out on a limb. I mean, it's only the summer now. What if he goes away to colege and somehow it doesn't 'work out' and it's over? I couldn't deal with that. Not after giving so much of myself to him...(double entendra) I am being pretty cautious, however. I know that if you put all of yourself into a person youre just setting yourself up to get hurt. But still...the idea of getting so close still makes me a little nervous.
But I'm just happy being with him for now. My first boyfriend in a year and half or something like that. And its JORDAN. Never woulda saw that one coming. Not in a million bazillion years lol. He's too good for me. Always was. haha
Im so bored...I spent my whole day inside. Shitty! I need to make something of myself... Once the summer is over, I think i am going to get a job. I really don;t want to march this year. I have to call Mr. Carpenter and negotiate with him...I'm glad I didn't get section leader, cause this means no responsibilities. and i hate marching anyways. And thats soooooooo much extra time with Mr. Carpenter that I really can't spend. Like for my health and sanity. That man drives me up the wall and down again. So I really don't want to march. And if he doesnt let me, I'll just threaten to quit all together hahahahahah. Then he'l beg me to stay, just like how he did last year MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I won't really quit though, because i have a sweet Poulenc solo that I'm stoked to play. I think I'm gonna drop jazz...all the good/fun people are gone. Haha our band is going to suck. SUCK! We get worse and worse each year.
Man I can't wait to get the fuck out of this town. I drive around....and I know everyone says this about the town they l;ive in...but this place is a junkie town. Seriously. Most of the town drinks or does some sort of drug. Or smokes. I cant explain it....but I cant waaaiiiiit to get the fuck outta here ♪♫
I'm gonna make something of myself. No, I'm not going to CHANGE THE WORLD like all those scene faggots say. But i'm going to make something of myself. I have talent, I'm smart, and I have a good head on my shoulders. Once I get the fuck outta this morale-sucking town, I'm gonna start a real life. I'm gonna live the American Dream lol.
Jordan just told me he's tired of molesting little Korean Boys. I never tire of that...
Not much more to say. Oh I sang Astonishing today. not even warmed up. And It was not that bad. :D
I am pretty sure I love him. I'm amost positive. And that scares me. I mean, anytime I got this close to someone I just ended up getting hurt. Putting so much of myself into one person, and sharing so much, it's beautiful but it's really putting myself out on a limb. I mean, it's only the summer now. What if he goes away to colege and somehow it doesn't 'work out' and it's over? I couldn't deal with that. Not after giving so much of myself to him...(double entendra) I am being pretty cautious, however. I know that if you put all of yourself into a person youre just setting yourself up to get hurt. But still...the idea of getting so close still makes me a little nervous.
But I'm just happy being with him for now. My first boyfriend in a year and half or something like that. And its JORDAN. Never woulda saw that one coming. Not in a million bazillion years lol. He's too good for me. Always was. haha
Im so bored...I spent my whole day inside. Shitty! I need to make something of myself... Once the summer is over, I think i am going to get a job. I really don;t want to march this year. I have to call Mr. Carpenter and negotiate with him...I'm glad I didn't get section leader, cause this means no responsibilities. and i hate marching anyways. And thats soooooooo much extra time with Mr. Carpenter that I really can't spend. Like for my health and sanity. That man drives me up the wall and down again. So I really don't want to march. And if he doesnt let me, I'll just threaten to quit all together hahahahahah. Then he'l beg me to stay, just like how he did last year MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I won't really quit though, because i have a sweet Poulenc solo that I'm stoked to play. I think I'm gonna drop jazz...all the good/fun people are gone. Haha our band is going to suck. SUCK! We get worse and worse each year.
Man I can't wait to get the fuck out of this town. I drive around....and I know everyone says this about the town they l;ive in...but this place is a junkie town. Seriously. Most of the town drinks or does some sort of drug. Or smokes. I cant explain it....but I cant waaaiiiiit to get the fuck outta here ♪♫
I'm gonna make something of myself. No, I'm not going to CHANGE THE WORLD like all those scene faggots say. But i'm going to make something of myself. I have talent, I'm smart, and I have a good head on my shoulders. Once I get the fuck outta this morale-sucking town, I'm gonna start a real life. I'm gonna live the American Dream lol.
Jordan just told me he's tired of molesting little Korean Boys. I never tire of that...
Not much more to say. Oh I sang Astonishing today. not even warmed up. And It was not that bad. :D