But She Could Try.
alright so my birthday was yesterday, and it was totally awesome.
now i'm just sitting in my room listening to music and putting off doing my homework. i'm completely overwhelmed right now;; i finally have a small feeling of what my father feels like every day of his life. i haven't truly slept/rested in a few months now, and i'm so mentally exhausted i can't even form sentences anymore. well, when i'm trying to talk to people, i start to babble and it makes no sense whatsoever.
i think it MOSTLY has to do with school, and the way i've been preforming these past 6 weeks.. i highly doubt my eligibilty to compete in UIL district and that upsets me because i know i could do pretty well.i'm going in early, and i understand everything, but its like i'm so far behind it seems like it won't matter, i'm going to fail anyways.so i'm just like blowing everything off because i want to get to next 6 weeks so i can work my ass off to do better.it feels like an exercise in fuitilty to me. i just want it to be over and done with.
and of course.. my mother tried and failed to help me.she just called me and told me that she got an email from windham that said that i have 14 0's out of 19 grades.. theres no way in hell i can pass now.. i just want to fucking start over fresh or soemthing... my mom always complains about how i get all upset whenever something goes bad, but usually what goes wrong is something i've been thinking about for a long time, its something thats been on my mind.. and i'm extremely tired. of course i'm going to react more emotionally when i'm tired.. i'm fucking exhausted! like mentally i'm nonexistant.. i've been walking around in a daze for a month now and i can't do anything about it. i can't sleep because of it, and when i do sleep, i have nightmares.
i just wish it was all over with.
now i'm just sitting in my room listening to music and putting off doing my homework. i'm completely overwhelmed right now;; i finally have a small feeling of what my father feels like every day of his life. i haven't truly slept/rested in a few months now, and i'm so mentally exhausted i can't even form sentences anymore. well, when i'm trying to talk to people, i start to babble and it makes no sense whatsoever.
i think it MOSTLY has to do with school, and the way i've been preforming these past 6 weeks.. i highly doubt my eligibilty to compete in UIL district and that upsets me because i know i could do pretty well.i'm going in early, and i understand everything, but its like i'm so far behind it seems like it won't matter, i'm going to fail anyways.so i'm just like blowing everything off because i want to get to next 6 weeks so i can work my ass off to do better.it feels like an exercise in fuitilty to me. i just want it to be over and done with.
and of course.. my mother tried and failed to help me.she just called me and told me that she got an email from windham that said that i have 14 0's out of 19 grades.. theres no way in hell i can pass now.. i just want to fucking start over fresh or soemthing... my mom always complains about how i get all upset whenever something goes bad, but usually what goes wrong is something i've been thinking about for a long time, its something thats been on my mind.. and i'm extremely tired. of course i'm going to react more emotionally when i'm tired.. i'm fucking exhausted! like mentally i'm nonexistant.. i've been walking around in a daze for a month now and i can't do anything about it. i can't sleep because of it, and when i do sleep, i have nightmares.
i just wish it was all over with.