He's Going The Distance.
ok so i'm not sleeping tonight. i have too much on my mind, and i'm ok with that. this gives me time to work through it all, so i'll be able to sleep soundly tomorrow night.
right now i'm shaking really badly. i'm all depressed again because dallas felt like talking about depression, and that reminds me of a time in my life were i hated myself, and that makes me sad. it makes me sad to remember all the shit i did to myself, and i hate reliving it. i hate to be a bitch to the kid, but i don't feel like talking about that ever.just makes me too sad.
also, i'm looking at a blast from the past. i've gone almost 2 years without confronting this, and its something i should've done along time ago.i need to talk to andrew. i need to get that sorted out. jackson told me today that something is holding me back, and i need to realize and put it in the past where it belongs. its true i'm terrified of relationships because of what happened with me and andrew, its true i lack self confidence as well, and i need to change both of those things. to do the first one, i'm going to need to talk to andrew, and i'm so fucking scared.i wish this was easier.i wish i hadn't ended it on such a bad note, with him hating me and all..i hope he hears me out, because i am sorry for all the shit i put him through, even though i'm not sure if he's sorry for the hell he put me in. but that was more me than it was him. i'm sure he didn't think dumping me would send me to the nut house, but it did.i was (and still slightly am) so fucking screwed mentally it just killed me.
blah, i just sent it... now i'm going to be all ansy like. shit shit shit.well whatever, i just hope he responds. if he reads it and never does anything to let me know, that'll rly piss me off.
right now i'm shaking really badly. i'm all depressed again because dallas felt like talking about depression, and that reminds me of a time in my life were i hated myself, and that makes me sad. it makes me sad to remember all the shit i did to myself, and i hate reliving it. i hate to be a bitch to the kid, but i don't feel like talking about that ever.just makes me too sad.
also, i'm looking at a blast from the past. i've gone almost 2 years without confronting this, and its something i should've done along time ago.i need to talk to andrew. i need to get that sorted out. jackson told me today that something is holding me back, and i need to realize and put it in the past where it belongs. its true i'm terrified of relationships because of what happened with me and andrew, its true i lack self confidence as well, and i need to change both of those things. to do the first one, i'm going to need to talk to andrew, and i'm so fucking scared.i wish this was easier.i wish i hadn't ended it on such a bad note, with him hating me and all..i hope he hears me out, because i am sorry for all the shit i put him through, even though i'm not sure if he's sorry for the hell he put me in. but that was more me than it was him. i'm sure he didn't think dumping me would send me to the nut house, but it did.i was (and still slightly am) so fucking screwed mentally it just killed me.
blah, i just sent it... now i'm going to be all ansy like. shit shit shit.well whatever, i just hope he responds. if he reads it and never does anything to let me know, that'll rly piss me off.