Fic: The Kinsey Scale (Or How Jensen Pulled Jared From the Closet), Jensen/Jared, NC-17
Title: The Kinsey Scale (Or How Jensen Pulled Jared From the Closet)
Author: Erin
Rating: NC-17
Character/Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Word Count: 1,479
Summary: I think the title pretty much says it all. An AU.
Warnings: The word “like” is abused.
Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, owned Jensen, Jared, a tattoo parlor, or a sparkly thong. I make no profit from this. (If someone wants to send me money, though, feel free.)
Author’s notes: Beta read by starxd_sparrow and titti, who managed to clean up a rather messy piece and fix my tense errors. I love them both for it.
2nd Author’s note: Written for smidgy06’s birthday. (Technically it's not her birthday until tomorrow, but I'm impatient.) As my beloved and faithful beta reader starxd_sparrow said, this is a bit cracktastic, but I figured, who wouldn’t want crack for their birthday? So! I hope you have a day so wonderful and full of awesome that you don’t even know what to do with yourself. Happy Birthday! ♥&hearts♥
Okay, so here’s the thing: Jensen figures it’ll resolve itself, you know? ‘Cause, you know, this shit always does.
So like, it doesn’t matter that Jared caught him with his pants down. Literally. And it’s not like he and Jared are having sex; they’re just roommates, for God’s sake. So, like, he wasn’t cheating on Jared. He doesn’t owe him an explanation. Even if Jared looked like he’d been punched in the gut when he found Jensen getting nailed by some random dude from the gym.
So maybe he should have told Jared he was gay when he’d moved in. No big. It was out now, they’d get over it. And now Jared could stop pretending he was straight, because come on. There was so much product on the bathroom counter for Jared’s stupid floppy hair, and there was no way any straight man cared that much about his hair.
Jensen has said on more than one occasion that Jared should just man up and admit it, but Jared has just rolled his eyes and walked away. He was no fun.
So, anyway, Jensen figures that now that Jared knows that Jensen is gay, then he can just admit it. And then they can have sex. Because Jensen wants to have sex with Jared. Like, a lot. Lots and lots of it.
So that night, when they’re watching TV in awkward silence, Jensen decides it’s time to just get it out there. “So, yeah. Okay, so you saw me, right? So you know I’m gay now.”
Jared doesn’t say anything for a moment, then starts to laugh. “Dude, I fucking knew you were gay the moment we met.”
Jensen is kind of pissed. He is not obviously gay, damn it. “Hey! Maybe you suspected, but there’s no way you knew.
Jared turns to look at him. “Jensen, when we met, the first thing you did was check out my ass. Then you told me my shirt would look better if it were a more olive shade of green to compliment my complexion. You don’t blend.”
“Well,” he huffs out, “I think you’re wrong, and you just have some sort of supersensitive gaydar, but anyway. Now, don’t you think it’s time to just give it up?”
Jared looks confused. “Give what up?”
“God, Jared, I know you’re gay, okay? Just admit it.”
Exasperated, Jared says, “Jensen, I am not gay!”
Jensen throws his arms in the air, fed up. “Whatever, Jared. I’m going to bed so you can jerk off to gay porn in private. Enjoy your closet, dude.”
Jensen feels the pillow hit him right between his shoulder blades as he walks from the room, laughing silently. He’d get Jared to admit it one of these days.
***
Two days later, Jensen has a Plan. Look, okay. Jensen knows he’s ridiculously good-looking. And he’s not being vain when he says it, it’s like a fact. It’s been proven and everything. People have said to him all his life how pretty he is, and Jensen has eyes. He knows he’s hot. And turning thirty, which was the scariest shit in his whole life, really only made him better looking.
Okay, so anyway. Back to his plan. He figures that if he works his shit, he can totally get Jared to be all over him in a few days. A week, tops. So he starts prancing around their apartment in like, almost nothing. At first he thought maybe he should start walking around naked, but then he realized that would be too obvious. And come on. Jensen doesn’t want to be tacky.
So he puts on his favorite sparkly thong (the one he got in Puerto Vallarta) and a pair of low-riding jeans and struts through the living room where Jared is watching wrestling. Jensen rolls his eyes when he sees the TV. Over-compensation is so 90’s.
He grabs the remote from the table next to Jared and walks in front of him to block the TV. “If you’re going to watch something so blatantly gay, you might as well just give up.”
Jared sighs. “Give what up?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Jensen replies, his hands on his hips, “The fact that you’re a big, raging homo, maybe?”
Jared rolls his eyes. “Do we have to do this again?”
Jensen raises his hands in surrender. “No, no. If you want to live a repressed life without ever admitting the truth, not to mention without the gay lovin’, then who am I to judge?” He turns to face the TV, still blocking Jared and goes to change the channel, but “accidentally” fumbles the remote and drops it. “Oops,” he says, trying to sound sincere. Bending over, he treats Jared to an eyeful of his ass and his sparkly thong.
He hears a snort from behind him. “Dude. Nice underwear.”
Jensen wiggles his ass a little. “Like ‘em? They’re my favorite.”
“As if there was any doubt,” Jared retorts dryly.
Okay, this isn’t working. Jared is supposed to be overcome with lust by this point, not making fun of Jensen’s fucking awesome thong. He needs to jack it up a notch.
He grabs the remote from the floor and tosses it at him, then throws himself down next to him on the couch, plastering himself up against Jared, who gives him a weird look, but doesn’t say anything.
“So,” Jensen begins, not entirely sure where he was going to take this, but hopeful that it would come to him, “I’ve been thinking. You know how you work in a tattoo parlor and everything?”
“Yes,” Jared replies carefully.
“And how you pierce people sometimes?”
“Yes.” Jared, now, just looks resigned.
Jensen smiles and toys with his left nipple. “I was thinking, I could maybe go for a piercing.”
Jared’s eyes follow Jensen’s fingers to where he’s playing with his nipple. “Hm, maybe,” he says. “You thinking your nipple?”
Jensen pinches it so that it’s hard. “Yeah. What do you think?”
Jared looks thoughtful for a long moment. Suddenly, he grins wickedly. “Well, I don’t know, Jen. If you’re wanting to pierce something, why go halfway? Let’s do your dick.”
Jensen feels himself pale. The plan is just going so, so wrong.
***
Three days later, Jensen has made no progress, and Jared is about to drive a fucking rod through his dick. And Jensen likes his dick. It’s pretty and, you know, doesn’t need embellishment.
He glares at the top of Jared’s head where he’s bent over Jensen’s cock, checking for something, Jensen doesn’t know what. Jared didn’t even look impressed when Jensen took off his underwear! What the fuck? Jensen is like, so well-endowed. Even straight guys are impressed, damn it. Jared is giving Jensen a complex.
Suddenly, Jared takes hold of Jensen’s dick in icy cold hands and he yelps. “Jesus! Warn a guy when you’re about to grab his dick!”
Jared laughs and doesn’t say anything, just rubs an alcohol pad over the head of Jensen’s dick. Jensen closes his eyes and tries not to get hard.
“So,” Jared says casually, “have you ever had sex with a guy who has his dick pierced?”
What the fuck is Jared chattering about? He’s about to drive a fucking nail through Jensen’s dick and he wants to make idle conversation?
“No,” he grits out. “Have you?”
Jared grins at the blatant fishing and doesn’t reply, just keeps swabbing Jensen’s dick. And for God’s sake, isn’t it clean by now? Can’t they just get this over with?
“Jared,” he says, teeth clenched, “are you planning on doing this anytime soon?”
Jared smiles a little and smoothes his thumb over the head of Jensen’s cock. “I don’t know, Jen,” he says regretfully. “It’s an awfully pretty dick. I don’t know if I should mess it up.”
Wait, what?
Jensen raises his head to look at Jared. “Wait, what?” he asks dumbly.
“I mean, seriously, Jen. Have you looked at it? You don’t want to ruin it.”
“You think my cock is pretty?”
“Yep,” Jared murmurs, his eyes still on it. “In fact, I kind of want to…” He trails off, and before Jensen has any idea of what he’s doing, he swoops in and then. Well, apparently, Jared isn’t straight after all, because oh, my God, his fucking mouth.
There is no way he’s never done this before. His mouth is working Jensen’s cock like a fucking professional, and Jensen is flailing all over the damn place.
It only takes a few minutes, and Jensen is done, shooting down Jared’s throat with a loud groan, his hands buried in Jared’s hair.
Jared raises his head and looks at him, eyes gleaming.
“So,” Jensen says breathlessly, “you’re not gay, huh?”
Jared grins. “Nope.”
Jensen quirks an eyebrow and Jared laughs.
“You never asked if I was bi.”
Jensen’s head falls back onto the chair. Well, fuck.
Author: Erin
Rating: NC-17
Character/Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Word Count: 1,479
Summary: I think the title pretty much says it all. An AU.
Warnings: The word “like” is abused.
Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, owned Jensen, Jared, a tattoo parlor, or a sparkly thong. I make no profit from this. (If someone wants to send me money, though, feel free.)
Author’s notes: Beta read by starxd_sparrow and titti, who managed to clean up a rather messy piece and fix my tense errors. I love them both for it.
2nd Author’s note: Written for smidgy06’s birthday. (Technically it's not her birthday until tomorrow, but I'm impatient.) As my beloved and faithful beta reader starxd_sparrow said, this is a bit cracktastic, but I figured, who wouldn’t want crack for their birthday? So! I hope you have a day so wonderful and full of awesome that you don’t even know what to do with yourself. Happy Birthday! ♥&hearts♥
Okay, so here’s the thing: Jensen figures it’ll resolve itself, you know? ‘Cause, you know, this shit always does.
So like, it doesn’t matter that Jared caught him with his pants down. Literally. And it’s not like he and Jared are having sex; they’re just roommates, for God’s sake. So, like, he wasn’t cheating on Jared. He doesn’t owe him an explanation. Even if Jared looked like he’d been punched in the gut when he found Jensen getting nailed by some random dude from the gym.
So maybe he should have told Jared he was gay when he’d moved in. No big. It was out now, they’d get over it. And now Jared could stop pretending he was straight, because come on. There was so much product on the bathroom counter for Jared’s stupid floppy hair, and there was no way any straight man cared that much about his hair.
Jensen has said on more than one occasion that Jared should just man up and admit it, but Jared has just rolled his eyes and walked away. He was no fun.
So, anyway, Jensen figures that now that Jared knows that Jensen is gay, then he can just admit it. And then they can have sex. Because Jensen wants to have sex with Jared. Like, a lot. Lots and lots of it.
So that night, when they’re watching TV in awkward silence, Jensen decides it’s time to just get it out there. “So, yeah. Okay, so you saw me, right? So you know I’m gay now.”
Jared doesn’t say anything for a moment, then starts to laugh. “Dude, I fucking knew you were gay the moment we met.”
Jensen is kind of pissed. He is not obviously gay, damn it. “Hey! Maybe you suspected, but there’s no way you knew.
Jared turns to look at him. “Jensen, when we met, the first thing you did was check out my ass. Then you told me my shirt would look better if it were a more olive shade of green to compliment my complexion. You don’t blend.”
“Well,” he huffs out, “I think you’re wrong, and you just have some sort of supersensitive gaydar, but anyway. Now, don’t you think it’s time to just give it up?”
Jared looks confused. “Give what up?”
“God, Jared, I know you’re gay, okay? Just admit it.”
Exasperated, Jared says, “Jensen, I am not gay!”
Jensen throws his arms in the air, fed up. “Whatever, Jared. I’m going to bed so you can jerk off to gay porn in private. Enjoy your closet, dude.”
Jensen feels the pillow hit him right between his shoulder blades as he walks from the room, laughing silently. He’d get Jared to admit it one of these days.
***
Two days later, Jensen has a Plan. Look, okay. Jensen knows he’s ridiculously good-looking. And he’s not being vain when he says it, it’s like a fact. It’s been proven and everything. People have said to him all his life how pretty he is, and Jensen has eyes. He knows he’s hot. And turning thirty, which was the scariest shit in his whole life, really only made him better looking.
Okay, so anyway. Back to his plan. He figures that if he works his shit, he can totally get Jared to be all over him in a few days. A week, tops. So he starts prancing around their apartment in like, almost nothing. At first he thought maybe he should start walking around naked, but then he realized that would be too obvious. And come on. Jensen doesn’t want to be tacky.
So he puts on his favorite sparkly thong (the one he got in Puerto Vallarta) and a pair of low-riding jeans and struts through the living room where Jared is watching wrestling. Jensen rolls his eyes when he sees the TV. Over-compensation is so 90’s.
He grabs the remote from the table next to Jared and walks in front of him to block the TV. “If you’re going to watch something so blatantly gay, you might as well just give up.”
Jared sighs. “Give what up?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Jensen replies, his hands on his hips, “The fact that you’re a big, raging homo, maybe?”
Jared rolls his eyes. “Do we have to do this again?”
Jensen raises his hands in surrender. “No, no. If you want to live a repressed life without ever admitting the truth, not to mention without the gay lovin’, then who am I to judge?” He turns to face the TV, still blocking Jared and goes to change the channel, but “accidentally” fumbles the remote and drops it. “Oops,” he says, trying to sound sincere. Bending over, he treats Jared to an eyeful of his ass and his sparkly thong.
He hears a snort from behind him. “Dude. Nice underwear.”
Jensen wiggles his ass a little. “Like ‘em? They’re my favorite.”
“As if there was any doubt,” Jared retorts dryly.
Okay, this isn’t working. Jared is supposed to be overcome with lust by this point, not making fun of Jensen’s fucking awesome thong. He needs to jack it up a notch.
He grabs the remote from the floor and tosses it at him, then throws himself down next to him on the couch, plastering himself up against Jared, who gives him a weird look, but doesn’t say anything.
“So,” Jensen begins, not entirely sure where he was going to take this, but hopeful that it would come to him, “I’ve been thinking. You know how you work in a tattoo parlor and everything?”
“Yes,” Jared replies carefully.
“And how you pierce people sometimes?”
“Yes.” Jared, now, just looks resigned.
Jensen smiles and toys with his left nipple. “I was thinking, I could maybe go for a piercing.”
Jared’s eyes follow Jensen’s fingers to where he’s playing with his nipple. “Hm, maybe,” he says. “You thinking your nipple?”
Jensen pinches it so that it’s hard. “Yeah. What do you think?”
Jared looks thoughtful for a long moment. Suddenly, he grins wickedly. “Well, I don’t know, Jen. If you’re wanting to pierce something, why go halfway? Let’s do your dick.”
Jensen feels himself pale. The plan is just going so, so wrong.
***
Three days later, Jensen has made no progress, and Jared is about to drive a fucking rod through his dick. And Jensen likes his dick. It’s pretty and, you know, doesn’t need embellishment.
He glares at the top of Jared’s head where he’s bent over Jensen’s cock, checking for something, Jensen doesn’t know what. Jared didn’t even look impressed when Jensen took off his underwear! What the fuck? Jensen is like, so well-endowed. Even straight guys are impressed, damn it. Jared is giving Jensen a complex.
Suddenly, Jared takes hold of Jensen’s dick in icy cold hands and he yelps. “Jesus! Warn a guy when you’re about to grab his dick!”
Jared laughs and doesn’t say anything, just rubs an alcohol pad over the head of Jensen’s dick. Jensen closes his eyes and tries not to get hard.
“So,” Jared says casually, “have you ever had sex with a guy who has his dick pierced?”
What the fuck is Jared chattering about? He’s about to drive a fucking nail through Jensen’s dick and he wants to make idle conversation?
“No,” he grits out. “Have you?”
Jared grins at the blatant fishing and doesn’t reply, just keeps swabbing Jensen’s dick. And for God’s sake, isn’t it clean by now? Can’t they just get this over with?
“Jared,” he says, teeth clenched, “are you planning on doing this anytime soon?”
Jared smiles a little and smoothes his thumb over the head of Jensen’s cock. “I don’t know, Jen,” he says regretfully. “It’s an awfully pretty dick. I don’t know if I should mess it up.”
Wait, what?
Jensen raises his head to look at Jared. “Wait, what?” he asks dumbly.
“I mean, seriously, Jen. Have you looked at it? You don’t want to ruin it.”
“You think my cock is pretty?”
“Yep,” Jared murmurs, his eyes still on it. “In fact, I kind of want to…” He trails off, and before Jensen has any idea of what he’s doing, he swoops in and then. Well, apparently, Jared isn’t straight after all, because oh, my God, his fucking mouth.
There is no way he’s never done this before. His mouth is working Jensen’s cock like a fucking professional, and Jensen is flailing all over the damn place.
It only takes a few minutes, and Jensen is done, shooting down Jared’s throat with a loud groan, his hands buried in Jared’s hair.
Jared raises his head and looks at him, eyes gleaming.
“So,” Jensen says breathlessly, “you’re not gay, huh?”
Jared grins. “Nope.”
Jensen quirks an eyebrow and Jared laughs.
“You never asked if I was bi.”
Jensen’s head falls back onto the chair. Well, fuck.