whooa..
Wow--Its been a long time since muh last entry n whatnot. Wow, whats been going on with me? heh, besides my emotions running haywire--notta lot. Muh aunt Goldie passed away..today..well, yesterday now.. My grandfather is very upset. It didnt hit me till later. Thats how it usually goes. Everyone's like--why arent you crying? And Im like--*blink* I dunno. heh..but now Im sitting here and Im like--in tears. Thats how it was with my Grandmother as well. It didnt hit me till I was alone. And well, Ive felt alone as of late.
I havent been this confused about life for a very long time. But now all the sudden its like WAM BAM Thank you Ma'am. But, I'll deal. Its not the first time Ive been hurt like this. (Im not referring to my aunt either.) And Im sure its not going to be the last. The other night--I made a list of the things that are worth living for. And let me tell you--if it wernt for those things..Id be long gone. Its probably my fault that it all happened. I know its my fault. But everyone fucks up. And then everyone moves on with their life and finds new things and people to live for. My sister for example--I thought she didnt give a rats ass about me, and then all the sudden she wants me to come visit and wants me to move there and all this. And it was just like Wow. She still does care. So maybe--maybe Ive not lost anything just yet. But we'll have to see.
Ive really been missing my mother lately. Like hardcore. Ive no pictures of her, I wish I did. But I dont. And god, I miss her. I wish that I could just wake up out of one of my nightmares, and she would be right there next to me, dead asleep with the TV blaring. I wish that all of this was a nightmare, cuz it sure feels like one, but I know that I cant wake up from it. And that hurts even more. One time, she told me..she told me that Jennifer was her replacement daughter for me. And my god that still hurts, and I think about it everyday. Thats another reason I want to go to Wisconsin this summer, I want to go to her gravesite. And just--sit there, and cry. I never even got to say goodbye to her..
This is a really depressing entry--but thats my mood right now. Im hardcore depressed. And I just want to run--run till I cant any longer. But that--that wont help anything..Cuz every where I go--my problems are just going to follow me.
I think that Im just going to go to bed for now. Ive not slept yet, and I gotta be to work soon, and plus I have to go to a family get-together later. So, Imma go crash.
Much love to everyone <3<3<3<3<3<3
I care for you all.
Always and forever: danielle k.
I havent been this confused about life for a very long time. But now all the sudden its like WAM BAM Thank you Ma'am. But, I'll deal. Its not the first time Ive been hurt like this. (Im not referring to my aunt either.) And Im sure its not going to be the last. The other night--I made a list of the things that are worth living for. And let me tell you--if it wernt for those things..Id be long gone. Its probably my fault that it all happened. I know its my fault. But everyone fucks up. And then everyone moves on with their life and finds new things and people to live for. My sister for example--I thought she didnt give a rats ass about me, and then all the sudden she wants me to come visit and wants me to move there and all this. And it was just like Wow. She still does care. So maybe--maybe Ive not lost anything just yet. But we'll have to see.
Ive really been missing my mother lately. Like hardcore. Ive no pictures of her, I wish I did. But I dont. And god, I miss her. I wish that I could just wake up out of one of my nightmares, and she would be right there next to me, dead asleep with the TV blaring. I wish that all of this was a nightmare, cuz it sure feels like one, but I know that I cant wake up from it. And that hurts even more. One time, she told me..she told me that Jennifer was her replacement daughter for me. And my god that still hurts, and I think about it everyday. Thats another reason I want to go to Wisconsin this summer, I want to go to her gravesite. And just--sit there, and cry. I never even got to say goodbye to her..
This is a really depressing entry--but thats my mood right now. Im hardcore depressed. And I just want to run--run till I cant any longer. But that--that wont help anything..Cuz every where I go--my problems are just going to follow me.
I think that Im just going to go to bed for now. Ive not slept yet, and I gotta be to work soon, and plus I have to go to a family get-together later. So, Imma go crash.
Much love to everyone <3<3<3<3<3<3
I care for you all.
Always and forever: danielle k.