Tomorrows - Chapter 7
BSB - No Pairing - Tomorrows - Chapter 7
More.
Ruach headed for the next to last door. The one with the sitting room. She strode through the door without pausing. Settling onto one of the two couches in the beautiful room, she clicked the portable into place. The guys trickled in. Kevin and Nick. AJ and Howie.
“Get some food. Have a seat. Get comfortable,” she ordered, waving a hand at the dispenser in the wall. AJ leapt for it.
“FOOD!” he shouted, scanning the little panel. “How’s this damn thing work? . . . Oh, never mind. I got it!” Gleefully pushing buttons, AJ made his selections. The other three waited behind him.
Ten minutes later, they all settled around the room. Kevin was nibbling a sandwich and nursing a glass of tea on the long couch by the view port. Nick sat on the floor at the other end, using the cushion as a table for an impressive array of sugar. Processed, raw and liquid. Didn’t matter. Just sugar. AJ sprawled happily in a lounge chair, stuffing noodles in his face and knocking them back with lemonade. Howie and Ruach sat on the other sofa. Howie was deliberately chewing another sandwich, an orange juice in his hand. Ruach contented herself with a bottle of water and an apple.
“Okay. Now. How are we gonna be helping Brian?” Nick demanded around a mouthful of something that resembled a hostess snowball. Kevin gulped down a bite.
“What exactly does this entail?” he agreed. Ruach took a sip of her water and sat back. Crossed her legs at the ankle.
“Dissipation is a function solely of a symbiotic web. You five, though I still have a hard time believing that, can share neural pathways. That means you can share thoughts, ideas, emotions,” she started. The boys sat riveted.
“Usually, it’s only one or two people you share a web with and two is extremely rare, but the same principles should theoretically apply,” Ruach continued. “There are cases, few and far between, where there is a catastrophic collapse in one web mate but not the others. In even fewer cases, the collapse can be dissipated.” AJ interrupted.
“Yeah, okay, it’s a long shot. We get it. What exactly is it?” he asked, irritated with the speech. Ruach stopped talking.
“Shut up AJ,” Howie grumbled, chunking a piece of sandwich at him. It bounced off AJ’s head. AJ shut up.
“Alright, warnings aside for now. You four would log on. After you were in and settled, I’d bring Brian online. Then you get blasted by everything he’s fighting. The terror, the confusion, the pain. It all hits you like it’s yours. Full in the face and as real as it gets,” she stated, flatly.
“What happens then?” Kevin wanted to know. Ruach looked at him, hope and resignation warring on her face.
“You deal with it. You fight past it like it’s yours,” she told them. “It is yours really and you just work through it. Until you’re done.” Anticipating the next question, she raised her hand.
“You know you’re done when you can tell who’s who again. Because you won’t know. Every thought, every murmur, every single thing running around in there will feel like yours and you can’t try to separate it. That’ll drive you frickin’ nuts,” she sighed. “But you know you’ve done as much as you can when you can feel yourself again. When you know where you end and everyone else begins. Then you’ve taken as much as you can hold and it’s time to get the fuck out.” Nick blinked. This wasn’t making sense to him.
“I don’t understand,” he offered timidly. He was profoundly relieved when Kevin and AJ nodded. Howie seemed lost in thought. Ruach pondered for a moment.
“Think of Brian like a cup. The shit he’s dealin’ with, or not dealin’ with as the case may be, is water. He can handle anything, so long as the level stays below the rim of the cup. But right now, he’s overflowing. It’s just cascading over the top and onto the floor,” she mused, creating an image as she went along. She looked at all of them.
“Now, you guys are sponges. Your job is to soak up as much water as you can. Take it in and make it yours. But when you can’t take anymore, you get out, because otherwise, you’re just pushin’ it around and makin’ a bigger mess,” Ruach continued thoughtfully.
“And when we’ve all soaked up as much as we can, Brian’s okay?” AJ jumped in, catching on. Ruach shook her head.
“No. You’ve just done as much as you can. And you hope against everything that you’ve soaked up enough to get the water back down below the top of the cup. Then it’s up to him,” she sighed. Kevin swallowed hard.
“So this isn’t a sure thing,” he said. It wasn’t a question.
“Absolutely not,” Ruach confirmed. Howie came to life.
“How often have you done it?” he asked. Ruach looked at him sharply.
“Once. I’ve only had one web mate,” she replied, eyes going suddenly distant.
“And how many times has it worked?” Howie insisted. Ruach turned sad eyes to him.
“Never for me,” she told him. Howie nodded, ignoring the hurt on her face. He needed to know. Ruach understood that.
“And for other people?” he demanded. Kevin, Nick and AJ waited on tenterhooks for the answer.
“I’ve seen it done maybe seven times. Seen it work maybe four or five,” she informed them. Howie looked and Kevin. Shrugged. It was alright with him.
“And the other three?” AJ whispered, afraid he already knew the answer. Ruach looked him right in the eye.
“The affected web mates died. But then, they would have died anyway. A symbiotic web is a hard life. You live by it or die by it. I lived,” she replied. AJ closed his eyes. Okay.
“I’m in,” he said. One by one, the other three nodded.
“All the way,” Howie agreed.
“Damn straight,” Nick growled, ready to rock. Everyone looked at Kevin. He was nodding slowly.
“Abso-fuckin’-lutely,” he said, eyes hard and flat. Ruach nodded, satisfied.
“Okay. Then you have to know who you are and what you do,” she decided. She leaned back on the couch.
“As nearly as I can figure, Kevin is the CCST. Command, combat, security and tactical. Nick is the DOTC. Drone, Operations and Troop Controller. That’s why the implants down the spine. Direct autonomic control of the droids and the cybernetic suits. Big, bad motherfuckers, those. Howie is Medical and something I just don’t recognize. That second implant on the left side of your head is real damn slick, but I have no idea what it does. And AJ is the counterpart. Organic control and maintenance of the ship,” she ticked off each one on her fingers.
“What about Brian?” Kevin asked, lightly fingering a port in his arm.
“Brian is the NC/E. Navigations, Communications and Empathic. That’s the one behind his ear,” she supplied. Howie gaped.
“Empathic? As in feels other people’s feelings?” he squeaked, incredulous. Ruach nodded.
“That’s half the problem. He’s a raw esper. Probably has been from birth. Not very strong mind you. No unassisted empathy and probably no telepathy ever. But enough that, with the right implantation, he probably does a damn fine job of picking up most emotions from most people. It’s not an exact science.” AJ had another question.
“So he just turns it on and off when he wants to?” he wondered. Ruach shook her head vehemently.
“Doesn’t work like that,” she replied. “It’s full-time. You handle it 24/7 or you have the implants taken out. It’s not an easy thing to live with.” She looked hard at the dubious faces staring at her.
“You still wanna try this?” she asked. No one hesitated.
“Hell yes. Yup. Uh-huh. Yes,” everyone spoke at once. Ruach leaned back on the sofa.
“Right then, Howie,” she ordered, slipping the portable from her head and handing it to him. “You’re gonna have to download a translator into Brian so I can talk to him while your inside.” Howie snapped the portable on. Gaped at her.
“Me?” he squeaked. “Why me? Why not Kevin? He trusts Kevin more than anyone. Why not you for that matter?” Ruach narrowed her eyes at him.
“You think he’s gonna let me anywhere near him without prior reassurance? And it’s not Kevin’s function. It’s yours. Suck it up and do it,” she snapped. Howie chewed nervously on his bottom lip.
“Okay,” he decided, reaching back to adjust the portable than was now feeding him a steady list of Brian’s vital statistics.
Before he could change his mind, Howie rose and strode purposefully from the room. The other three were right behind him. All the way. Howie looked dubiously at the wire Ruach had thrust at him.
“So I just plug this into the back on my head and the back of his head and tell it to download?” he asked, peering at her. Ruach nodded distractedly, hooking up more secondaries to the beds Nick and AJ were going to be using. Howie was suddenly glad he only had two.
“What if I do something wrong? Plug it into the wrong port or something? I mean, I could melt his brain!” he protested, images of accidentally killing Brian dancing gleefully through his head. Ruach sighed, hooked in the last connector in her hand. Walking over to Howie, she put her hands on his shoulders.
“Howie, you’re not gonna melt his brain. The worst you can do is fail to download. There are safety measures to prevent anything else,” she told him, looking into his face. Suddenly her eyes clouded.
“Course, it was the fail-safes that almost killed Kevin,” she muttered. Shrugging her shoulders, she turned her attention back to Howie, who had nearly bugged out at her last statement.
“Best advice I can give you: Take your time and don’t fuck up,” she offered. Howie swallowed hard.
“That’s reassuring, really. So, after I . . . download. . ,” he said, stumbling slightly over the word. “Then I reboot his empathic implant?” Ruach nodded, turning AJ so she could poke at his arms.
“That okay, AJ?” she asked, fitting an odd looking connector into one of them. AJ nodded.
“Yup. Just tell it to reinitialize,” she called, plugging a similar implant to Kevin’s arm.
“He has to be fully online for this to have any chance of working,” she finished, snapping the third one into the Nick’s neck. Finally she moved to Howie. Waving the last odd-looking thing at him Ruach kept talking.
“This will plug into your secondary and then the connector will run through it,” she informed him. “That way I can monitor your brain patterns. Since I’m gonna be hard-wired to Brian, he won’t need one.” Howie gulped one more time, allowing her to plug the device into the left side of his head.
Ruach stepped back, mentally taking stock. The tables were ready. The guys were ready, green around the gills, but ready. Only one thing left.
“Okay,” she murmured, picking up a hypo and setting herself behind Brian’s head. She looked at Kevin, who moved to sit on the table next to his cousin. Howie nervously wrapped the wire around his fingers, but stepped up. AJ and Nick crowded close to watch.
“Everyone be ready, he’ll probably wake up swingin’,” she warned. There were nods all around.
“Right then. Here goes.” Ruach pressed the hypo to the side of Brian’s neck. It hissed once. Then she quickly moved back. Everyone held their breath.
~
Brian gasped as something seared through his veins, chasing away the fog. He flew upright, shouting. He slammed against something hard. It grabbed him. Screaming, Brian tried to twist away. A voice penetrated the panic.
“Shhh, Brian. It’s me, Kevin. Come on. Relax and listen to me. Hey now. Come on Bri. Shhhh,” the voice kept talking quietly. Slowly, Brian settled.
Kevin. It was Kevin. He opened his eyes.
Kevin sat in front of him, holding his arms, concern etched on his face. Brian leaned forward, shaking. He let his forehead rest on Kevin’s shoulder.
“God, Kevin. Make it go away,” he pleaded. He could feel the monsters chasing him. He couldn’t seem to wipe the blood off his face. It was always there. God, he’d never be clean. Kevin pushed him back. Brian whimpered.
“Brian, look at me. LOOK at me,” Kevin ordered. Teeth chattering, Brian painfully raised his head to stare at Kevin. Kevin raised his eyebrows.
“Howie’s gonna help you. Okay? You can’t freak on me. Ya hear me, B?” he asked. Brian bit down hard on a sob. Howie? What the fuck are you playin’ at Kevin? The guys are dead. Dead, dead, dead and gone. And I’m covered in blood.
“Hey Brian,” another voice said. Too many voices. Brian moaned and tried to hide his face against Kevin’s shoulder again. Kevin wouldn’t let him. Brian’s heart jumped. What was this? Oh, God. What’s going on? Gasping shallowly, he turned to face the new voice. Howie. Howie stood there holding a wire in his hands.
Brian freaked. Screaming, he tried to scramble off the bed and away. It was a trick. It was all a damn lie. That thing’s not Kevin! That’s not Howie! It’s a damn LIE! And he fell for it! Hands grabbed him. Arms locked down around his chest. NO! Jesus, GOD NO! Please not again!
“Frick! Frick! Please! It’s us. Frick, come on. Please, don’t do this. We can’t help you if you do this.” Nick. That was Nick’s voice. Christ, him too? Brian twisted to look at the thing holding him. It was Nick alright. But Nick was dead. Sobbing, Brian gave up.
“Nick’s dead. AJ’s dead. They’re all dead and you’re a monster,” he whispered brokenly. The arms around him tightened. Brian found his face pressed against a sweaty shoulder.
“No, Frick, no I swear it’s me. I promise. Please, Frick, Brian, believe me. You gotta believe me,” Nick babbled, frantic.
“Remember the time you got sick onstage? Huh? You got so sick you had to run off and you grabbed AJ and told him to sing your part. And he couldn’t remember the words? And Kevin was so mad he made us all learn every part. And you were whining because you couldn’t sing low enough for Kevin’s part. Nobody could and AJ said that just meant the Kevin was never allowed to get sick,” he tried, dredging up ancient memories.. Anything to get Brian to listen.
Brian turned his head to look up at the thing with Nick’s face. How did it know that? Why could it care about something that stupid? Maybe? Maybe? Fighting for air, he gagged on the tears.
“N-n-nicky?” he whimpered. Nick nodded wildly.
“Yeah, it’s me. It’s us. You know that,” he agreed. Experimentally, Nick loosened his hold on the older man. Brian curled into a ball on the table.
Kevin put a hand on his arm. Brian didn’t react, except to bury his head further into his knees, weeping quietly. Kevin swallowed the ball of tears in his throat and slid his arm all the way around Brian’s shoulders.
“It’s gonna be okay, Brian. We’ll make the monsters leave,” he promised. Brian raised his head. Kevin. On a wild cry, he dragged Kevin closer, shifting to bury his head in Kevin’s chest. Kevin looked at Howie. Howie broke out of his paralysis.
“Okay, Brian. I’m gonna plug this wire into your head. You’re gonna feel this kind of tingly sensation. I want you to try to stay calm. It’s okay,” he tried, speaking as firmly as he could to keep his voice from quavering. AJ put a hand on his shoulder.
“Just do it, D. It’s not gettin’ any better,” he murmured. Howie nodded, fumbled the connector into his head. AJ tightened his grip on Howie’s shoulder. D was losin’ it.
“Breathe D. Can’t have you faintin’ on us,” he said. Howie clenched his fists, forced his fingers to be steady and gentle. Taking a deep breath, he slid the connector into Brian’s head. Nothing. Brian didn’t even look up. Just huddled tighter against Kevin and whimpered a little more loudly.
Begin language program download, Howie ordered. He felt a mild pulling sensation. Brian writhed, trying to reach the wire in his skull. He screamed, muffled against Kevin’s chest. Kevin clamped down on him, preventing him from snatching the connector free.
“Okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he soothed, holding Brian immobile.
“Don’t stop now D,” AJ hissed in his ear. Howie braced himself. Reinitialize empathic implant, he thought, shakily. He felt a dark spot in Brian’s brain kick into gear. Brian shrieked. Quickly, Howie pulled the plug free of Brian’s head as Brian ripped himself away from Kevin, rolling into fetal position on the table. He clutched his head and screamed.
~
Brian trembled as Howie, he was pretty sure it was really Howie, dear Lord let it really be Howie, plugged the thing into his head. There was a rushing feeling. SHIT GOD NO GET IT OUT! He struggled against Kevin, but Kevin wouldn’t let go. He forced himself to be still. To trust. Oh God what was happening to him?
Suddenly, he felt EVERYTHING. Fear and concern and worry and anxiety and pain pushed at him. Clawed at already fragile control. He screamed. OH GOD!
Curling in on himself he grabbed his head. It was going to explode. There was no way it could hold all this noise. All these feelings. He screamed again, trying to release some of the pressure. It didn’t help.
A hand locked onto his arm and everything got quieter. Not gone, just coated in quiet. Like someone had turned the volume down. He opened his eyes, tried to focus through swimming tears. A girl. It was a girl.
~
Ruach grabbed Brian’s arm. Breathing slowly, she cleared her mind of everything. Just tried to go blank. Maybe she could buffer him for a few minutes. Brian calmed slowly. He peeked up at her. Without looking away from him, she spoke to the others.
“It’s time. Log in,” she ordered. AJ, Nick and Howie moved away. Kevin tried to slide off the table. Brian’s hand shot out to clutch Kevin’s elbow.
“NO! Kevin please, NO!” he gasped. Kevin threw her an agonized look. What did he do now? Ruach bent down and put her face less than an inch from Brian’s.
“Let him go, Brian. He can’t help you if you don’t let go,” she stated gently. One-handed, she reached out and pried Brian’s fingers loose, wrapping them in her own.
“Hold on to me,” she offered, holding his hand just firmly enough to prevent him from grabbing Kevin again.
“Hold on to me. Kevin, go help the others log in,” she murmured in the same tone of voice. Kevin silently moved away from them. Brian followed him with his eyes, sharp rasping moans whistling through his teeth. Ruach snapped her fingers in front of his eyes, demanding his attention.
“You pay attention to me,” she ordered. “I’m gonna help you.” Brian stared at her, fingers latching on to hers after a moment.
“Now, let’s sit you up, here . . . That’s a boy. Okay, now, you just hold onto me and let me work,” she soothed, pulling Brian upright and letting him clutch her hand. The muscles in his arms and neck stood out in stark relief.
He was shaking violently. She leaned across him and picked up the wire Howie had set down. Shifting so that the arm he clutched was wrapped around him in a hug, Ruach locked the connector into the side of his head so as not to obstruct the primary.
“Okay, Brian. I’m gonna hook this up. When I do, you’re gonna hear me in your head. You CANNOT panic. Do you understand me?” she asked. Brian turned watery eyes to her. He nodded jerkily.
“Not good enough. Answer me. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?” she demanded. Brian sobbed once.
“Yes,” he choked. Ruach nodded.
“Okay,” she acknowledged, slipping the connector into her own primary. Immediately she heard screaming. It took her a moment to realize that it wasn’t aloud. It was Brian, in her head.
Shhhhh. I’m here now, she thought, soothingly. She rubbed her free hand up and down his back. Brian jumped and shrieked once as she spoke in his head.
~
OH SHIT SHE WAS IN HIS HEAD!! Brian whimpered. This was getting worse all the time. He had to be calm. He had to be calm. Get a grip Littrell. He moaned quietly, lowering his head onto the girl’s shoulder. She rocked him slowly.
Turning to look at the guys, she saw that they were ready. Nick was sprawled facedown on one table, wires protruding from the entire length of his spine.
AJ was next to him, looking like some bizarre form of spider with wires running from his arms, legs, chest and head down to the table. Next was Kevin, who looked almost as strange as AJ. Though where AJ was reclining, Kevin was flat on his back. Howie was last, looking oddly normal, with only two wires hooked to his head.
“Ready?” Ruach called. Kevin and Howie nodded. AJ gulped.
“Ready,” he squeaked. Nick raised a hand and gave her a thumbs up. She focused her attention on the man trying to burrow his way into her shoulder.
Brian, I’m gonna log you in now. When you feel the others, just let go, she commanded. Brian flinched against her. She felt his confusion.
Just let go. Scream, cry, rage, whatever you need to do. They’re gonna take care of you,*she told him. Ready?
~
Brian nodded jerkily. God, this whispering in his brain had to stop. He felt the girl snap something else into the back of his head. He fell. Sort of.
When he stopped the others were there, waiting. He felt the girl fade out of his mind. Brian whimpered.
The whimper came from all around him. In him. Concern rushed after it. His, someone else’s? Whose? He couldn’t tell. Which one was he? Where was he? Oh God, he moaned.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. It bounced back to him, reflected and refracted and distorted. Remembering the girl’s instructions, Brian gave up.
And screamed.
More.
Ruach headed for the next to last door. The one with the sitting room. She strode through the door without pausing. Settling onto one of the two couches in the beautiful room, she clicked the portable into place. The guys trickled in. Kevin and Nick. AJ and Howie.
“Get some food. Have a seat. Get comfortable,” she ordered, waving a hand at the dispenser in the wall. AJ leapt for it.
“FOOD!” he shouted, scanning the little panel. “How’s this damn thing work? . . . Oh, never mind. I got it!” Gleefully pushing buttons, AJ made his selections. The other three waited behind him.
Ten minutes later, they all settled around the room. Kevin was nibbling a sandwich and nursing a glass of tea on the long couch by the view port. Nick sat on the floor at the other end, using the cushion as a table for an impressive array of sugar. Processed, raw and liquid. Didn’t matter. Just sugar. AJ sprawled happily in a lounge chair, stuffing noodles in his face and knocking them back with lemonade. Howie and Ruach sat on the other sofa. Howie was deliberately chewing another sandwich, an orange juice in his hand. Ruach contented herself with a bottle of water and an apple.
“Okay. Now. How are we gonna be helping Brian?” Nick demanded around a mouthful of something that resembled a hostess snowball. Kevin gulped down a bite.
“What exactly does this entail?” he agreed. Ruach took a sip of her water and sat back. Crossed her legs at the ankle.
“Dissipation is a function solely of a symbiotic web. You five, though I still have a hard time believing that, can share neural pathways. That means you can share thoughts, ideas, emotions,” she started. The boys sat riveted.
“Usually, it’s only one or two people you share a web with and two is extremely rare, but the same principles should theoretically apply,” Ruach continued. “There are cases, few and far between, where there is a catastrophic collapse in one web mate but not the others. In even fewer cases, the collapse can be dissipated.” AJ interrupted.
“Yeah, okay, it’s a long shot. We get it. What exactly is it?” he asked, irritated with the speech. Ruach stopped talking.
“Shut up AJ,” Howie grumbled, chunking a piece of sandwich at him. It bounced off AJ’s head. AJ shut up.
“Alright, warnings aside for now. You four would log on. After you were in and settled, I’d bring Brian online. Then you get blasted by everything he’s fighting. The terror, the confusion, the pain. It all hits you like it’s yours. Full in the face and as real as it gets,” she stated, flatly.
“What happens then?” Kevin wanted to know. Ruach looked at him, hope and resignation warring on her face.
“You deal with it. You fight past it like it’s yours,” she told them. “It is yours really and you just work through it. Until you’re done.” Anticipating the next question, she raised her hand.
“You know you’re done when you can tell who’s who again. Because you won’t know. Every thought, every murmur, every single thing running around in there will feel like yours and you can’t try to separate it. That’ll drive you frickin’ nuts,” she sighed. “But you know you’ve done as much as you can when you can feel yourself again. When you know where you end and everyone else begins. Then you’ve taken as much as you can hold and it’s time to get the fuck out.” Nick blinked. This wasn’t making sense to him.
“I don’t understand,” he offered timidly. He was profoundly relieved when Kevin and AJ nodded. Howie seemed lost in thought. Ruach pondered for a moment.
“Think of Brian like a cup. The shit he’s dealin’ with, or not dealin’ with as the case may be, is water. He can handle anything, so long as the level stays below the rim of the cup. But right now, he’s overflowing. It’s just cascading over the top and onto the floor,” she mused, creating an image as she went along. She looked at all of them.
“Now, you guys are sponges. Your job is to soak up as much water as you can. Take it in and make it yours. But when you can’t take anymore, you get out, because otherwise, you’re just pushin’ it around and makin’ a bigger mess,” Ruach continued thoughtfully.
“And when we’ve all soaked up as much as we can, Brian’s okay?” AJ jumped in, catching on. Ruach shook her head.
“No. You’ve just done as much as you can. And you hope against everything that you’ve soaked up enough to get the water back down below the top of the cup. Then it’s up to him,” she sighed. Kevin swallowed hard.
“So this isn’t a sure thing,” he said. It wasn’t a question.
“Absolutely not,” Ruach confirmed. Howie came to life.
“How often have you done it?” he asked. Ruach looked at him sharply.
“Once. I’ve only had one web mate,” she replied, eyes going suddenly distant.
“And how many times has it worked?” Howie insisted. Ruach turned sad eyes to him.
“Never for me,” she told him. Howie nodded, ignoring the hurt on her face. He needed to know. Ruach understood that.
“And for other people?” he demanded. Kevin, Nick and AJ waited on tenterhooks for the answer.
“I’ve seen it done maybe seven times. Seen it work maybe four or five,” she informed them. Howie looked and Kevin. Shrugged. It was alright with him.
“And the other three?” AJ whispered, afraid he already knew the answer. Ruach looked him right in the eye.
“The affected web mates died. But then, they would have died anyway. A symbiotic web is a hard life. You live by it or die by it. I lived,” she replied. AJ closed his eyes. Okay.
“I’m in,” he said. One by one, the other three nodded.
“All the way,” Howie agreed.
“Damn straight,” Nick growled, ready to rock. Everyone looked at Kevin. He was nodding slowly.
“Abso-fuckin’-lutely,” he said, eyes hard and flat. Ruach nodded, satisfied.
“Okay. Then you have to know who you are and what you do,” she decided. She leaned back on the couch.
“As nearly as I can figure, Kevin is the CCST. Command, combat, security and tactical. Nick is the DOTC. Drone, Operations and Troop Controller. That’s why the implants down the spine. Direct autonomic control of the droids and the cybernetic suits. Big, bad motherfuckers, those. Howie is Medical and something I just don’t recognize. That second implant on the left side of your head is real damn slick, but I have no idea what it does. And AJ is the counterpart. Organic control and maintenance of the ship,” she ticked off each one on her fingers.
“What about Brian?” Kevin asked, lightly fingering a port in his arm.
“Brian is the NC/E. Navigations, Communications and Empathic. That’s the one behind his ear,” she supplied. Howie gaped.
“Empathic? As in feels other people’s feelings?” he squeaked, incredulous. Ruach nodded.
“That’s half the problem. He’s a raw esper. Probably has been from birth. Not very strong mind you. No unassisted empathy and probably no telepathy ever. But enough that, with the right implantation, he probably does a damn fine job of picking up most emotions from most people. It’s not an exact science.” AJ had another question.
“So he just turns it on and off when he wants to?” he wondered. Ruach shook her head vehemently.
“Doesn’t work like that,” she replied. “It’s full-time. You handle it 24/7 or you have the implants taken out. It’s not an easy thing to live with.” She looked hard at the dubious faces staring at her.
“You still wanna try this?” she asked. No one hesitated.
“Hell yes. Yup. Uh-huh. Yes,” everyone spoke at once. Ruach leaned back on the sofa.
“Right then, Howie,” she ordered, slipping the portable from her head and handing it to him. “You’re gonna have to download a translator into Brian so I can talk to him while your inside.” Howie snapped the portable on. Gaped at her.
“Me?” he squeaked. “Why me? Why not Kevin? He trusts Kevin more than anyone. Why not you for that matter?” Ruach narrowed her eyes at him.
“You think he’s gonna let me anywhere near him without prior reassurance? And it’s not Kevin’s function. It’s yours. Suck it up and do it,” she snapped. Howie chewed nervously on his bottom lip.
“Okay,” he decided, reaching back to adjust the portable than was now feeding him a steady list of Brian’s vital statistics.
Before he could change his mind, Howie rose and strode purposefully from the room. The other three were right behind him. All the way. Howie looked dubiously at the wire Ruach had thrust at him.
“So I just plug this into the back on my head and the back of his head and tell it to download?” he asked, peering at her. Ruach nodded distractedly, hooking up more secondaries to the beds Nick and AJ were going to be using. Howie was suddenly glad he only had two.
“What if I do something wrong? Plug it into the wrong port or something? I mean, I could melt his brain!” he protested, images of accidentally killing Brian dancing gleefully through his head. Ruach sighed, hooked in the last connector in her hand. Walking over to Howie, she put her hands on his shoulders.
“Howie, you’re not gonna melt his brain. The worst you can do is fail to download. There are safety measures to prevent anything else,” she told him, looking into his face. Suddenly her eyes clouded.
“Course, it was the fail-safes that almost killed Kevin,” she muttered. Shrugging her shoulders, she turned her attention back to Howie, who had nearly bugged out at her last statement.
“Best advice I can give you: Take your time and don’t fuck up,” she offered. Howie swallowed hard.
“That’s reassuring, really. So, after I . . . download. . ,” he said, stumbling slightly over the word. “Then I reboot his empathic implant?” Ruach nodded, turning AJ so she could poke at his arms.
“That okay, AJ?” she asked, fitting an odd looking connector into one of them. AJ nodded.
“Yup. Just tell it to reinitialize,” she called, plugging a similar implant to Kevin’s arm.
“He has to be fully online for this to have any chance of working,” she finished, snapping the third one into the Nick’s neck. Finally she moved to Howie. Waving the last odd-looking thing at him Ruach kept talking.
“This will plug into your secondary and then the connector will run through it,” she informed him. “That way I can monitor your brain patterns. Since I’m gonna be hard-wired to Brian, he won’t need one.” Howie gulped one more time, allowing her to plug the device into the left side of his head.
Ruach stepped back, mentally taking stock. The tables were ready. The guys were ready, green around the gills, but ready. Only one thing left.
“Okay,” she murmured, picking up a hypo and setting herself behind Brian’s head. She looked at Kevin, who moved to sit on the table next to his cousin. Howie nervously wrapped the wire around his fingers, but stepped up. AJ and Nick crowded close to watch.
“Everyone be ready, he’ll probably wake up swingin’,” she warned. There were nods all around.
“Right then. Here goes.” Ruach pressed the hypo to the side of Brian’s neck. It hissed once. Then she quickly moved back. Everyone held their breath.
~
Brian gasped as something seared through his veins, chasing away the fog. He flew upright, shouting. He slammed against something hard. It grabbed him. Screaming, Brian tried to twist away. A voice penetrated the panic.
“Shhh, Brian. It’s me, Kevin. Come on. Relax and listen to me. Hey now. Come on Bri. Shhhh,” the voice kept talking quietly. Slowly, Brian settled.
Kevin. It was Kevin. He opened his eyes.
Kevin sat in front of him, holding his arms, concern etched on his face. Brian leaned forward, shaking. He let his forehead rest on Kevin’s shoulder.
“God, Kevin. Make it go away,” he pleaded. He could feel the monsters chasing him. He couldn’t seem to wipe the blood off his face. It was always there. God, he’d never be clean. Kevin pushed him back. Brian whimpered.
“Brian, look at me. LOOK at me,” Kevin ordered. Teeth chattering, Brian painfully raised his head to stare at Kevin. Kevin raised his eyebrows.
“Howie’s gonna help you. Okay? You can’t freak on me. Ya hear me, B?” he asked. Brian bit down hard on a sob. Howie? What the fuck are you playin’ at Kevin? The guys are dead. Dead, dead, dead and gone. And I’m covered in blood.
“Hey Brian,” another voice said. Too many voices. Brian moaned and tried to hide his face against Kevin’s shoulder again. Kevin wouldn’t let him. Brian’s heart jumped. What was this? Oh, God. What’s going on? Gasping shallowly, he turned to face the new voice. Howie. Howie stood there holding a wire in his hands.
Brian freaked. Screaming, he tried to scramble off the bed and away. It was a trick. It was all a damn lie. That thing’s not Kevin! That’s not Howie! It’s a damn LIE! And he fell for it! Hands grabbed him. Arms locked down around his chest. NO! Jesus, GOD NO! Please not again!
“Frick! Frick! Please! It’s us. Frick, come on. Please, don’t do this. We can’t help you if you do this.” Nick. That was Nick’s voice. Christ, him too? Brian twisted to look at the thing holding him. It was Nick alright. But Nick was dead. Sobbing, Brian gave up.
“Nick’s dead. AJ’s dead. They’re all dead and you’re a monster,” he whispered brokenly. The arms around him tightened. Brian found his face pressed against a sweaty shoulder.
“No, Frick, no I swear it’s me. I promise. Please, Frick, Brian, believe me. You gotta believe me,” Nick babbled, frantic.
“Remember the time you got sick onstage? Huh? You got so sick you had to run off and you grabbed AJ and told him to sing your part. And he couldn’t remember the words? And Kevin was so mad he made us all learn every part. And you were whining because you couldn’t sing low enough for Kevin’s part. Nobody could and AJ said that just meant the Kevin was never allowed to get sick,” he tried, dredging up ancient memories.. Anything to get Brian to listen.
Brian turned his head to look up at the thing with Nick’s face. How did it know that? Why could it care about something that stupid? Maybe? Maybe? Fighting for air, he gagged on the tears.
“N-n-nicky?” he whimpered. Nick nodded wildly.
“Yeah, it’s me. It’s us. You know that,” he agreed. Experimentally, Nick loosened his hold on the older man. Brian curled into a ball on the table.
Kevin put a hand on his arm. Brian didn’t react, except to bury his head further into his knees, weeping quietly. Kevin swallowed the ball of tears in his throat and slid his arm all the way around Brian’s shoulders.
“It’s gonna be okay, Brian. We’ll make the monsters leave,” he promised. Brian raised his head. Kevin. On a wild cry, he dragged Kevin closer, shifting to bury his head in Kevin’s chest. Kevin looked at Howie. Howie broke out of his paralysis.
“Okay, Brian. I’m gonna plug this wire into your head. You’re gonna feel this kind of tingly sensation. I want you to try to stay calm. It’s okay,” he tried, speaking as firmly as he could to keep his voice from quavering. AJ put a hand on his shoulder.
“Just do it, D. It’s not gettin’ any better,” he murmured. Howie nodded, fumbled the connector into his head. AJ tightened his grip on Howie’s shoulder. D was losin’ it.
“Breathe D. Can’t have you faintin’ on us,” he said. Howie clenched his fists, forced his fingers to be steady and gentle. Taking a deep breath, he slid the connector into Brian’s head. Nothing. Brian didn’t even look up. Just huddled tighter against Kevin and whimpered a little more loudly.
Begin language program download, Howie ordered. He felt a mild pulling sensation. Brian writhed, trying to reach the wire in his skull. He screamed, muffled against Kevin’s chest. Kevin clamped down on him, preventing him from snatching the connector free.
“Okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he soothed, holding Brian immobile.
“Don’t stop now D,” AJ hissed in his ear. Howie braced himself. Reinitialize empathic implant, he thought, shakily. He felt a dark spot in Brian’s brain kick into gear. Brian shrieked. Quickly, Howie pulled the plug free of Brian’s head as Brian ripped himself away from Kevin, rolling into fetal position on the table. He clutched his head and screamed.
~
Brian trembled as Howie, he was pretty sure it was really Howie, dear Lord let it really be Howie, plugged the thing into his head. There was a rushing feeling. SHIT GOD NO GET IT OUT! He struggled against Kevin, but Kevin wouldn’t let go. He forced himself to be still. To trust. Oh God what was happening to him?
Suddenly, he felt EVERYTHING. Fear and concern and worry and anxiety and pain pushed at him. Clawed at already fragile control. He screamed. OH GOD!
Curling in on himself he grabbed his head. It was going to explode. There was no way it could hold all this noise. All these feelings. He screamed again, trying to release some of the pressure. It didn’t help.
A hand locked onto his arm and everything got quieter. Not gone, just coated in quiet. Like someone had turned the volume down. He opened his eyes, tried to focus through swimming tears. A girl. It was a girl.
~
Ruach grabbed Brian’s arm. Breathing slowly, she cleared her mind of everything. Just tried to go blank. Maybe she could buffer him for a few minutes. Brian calmed slowly. He peeked up at her. Without looking away from him, she spoke to the others.
“It’s time. Log in,” she ordered. AJ, Nick and Howie moved away. Kevin tried to slide off the table. Brian’s hand shot out to clutch Kevin’s elbow.
“NO! Kevin please, NO!” he gasped. Kevin threw her an agonized look. What did he do now? Ruach bent down and put her face less than an inch from Brian’s.
“Let him go, Brian. He can’t help you if you don’t let go,” she stated gently. One-handed, she reached out and pried Brian’s fingers loose, wrapping them in her own.
“Hold on to me,” she offered, holding his hand just firmly enough to prevent him from grabbing Kevin again.
“Hold on to me. Kevin, go help the others log in,” she murmured in the same tone of voice. Kevin silently moved away from them. Brian followed him with his eyes, sharp rasping moans whistling through his teeth. Ruach snapped her fingers in front of his eyes, demanding his attention.
“You pay attention to me,” she ordered. “I’m gonna help you.” Brian stared at her, fingers latching on to hers after a moment.
“Now, let’s sit you up, here . . . That’s a boy. Okay, now, you just hold onto me and let me work,” she soothed, pulling Brian upright and letting him clutch her hand. The muscles in his arms and neck stood out in stark relief.
He was shaking violently. She leaned across him and picked up the wire Howie had set down. Shifting so that the arm he clutched was wrapped around him in a hug, Ruach locked the connector into the side of his head so as not to obstruct the primary.
“Okay, Brian. I’m gonna hook this up. When I do, you’re gonna hear me in your head. You CANNOT panic. Do you understand me?” she asked. Brian turned watery eyes to her. He nodded jerkily.
“Not good enough. Answer me. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?” she demanded. Brian sobbed once.
“Yes,” he choked. Ruach nodded.
“Okay,” she acknowledged, slipping the connector into her own primary. Immediately she heard screaming. It took her a moment to realize that it wasn’t aloud. It was Brian, in her head.
Shhhhh. I’m here now, she thought, soothingly. She rubbed her free hand up and down his back. Brian jumped and shrieked once as she spoke in his head.
~
OH SHIT SHE WAS IN HIS HEAD!! Brian whimpered. This was getting worse all the time. He had to be calm. He had to be calm. Get a grip Littrell. He moaned quietly, lowering his head onto the girl’s shoulder. She rocked him slowly.
Turning to look at the guys, she saw that they were ready. Nick was sprawled facedown on one table, wires protruding from the entire length of his spine.
AJ was next to him, looking like some bizarre form of spider with wires running from his arms, legs, chest and head down to the table. Next was Kevin, who looked almost as strange as AJ. Though where AJ was reclining, Kevin was flat on his back. Howie was last, looking oddly normal, with only two wires hooked to his head.
“Ready?” Ruach called. Kevin and Howie nodded. AJ gulped.
“Ready,” he squeaked. Nick raised a hand and gave her a thumbs up. She focused her attention on the man trying to burrow his way into her shoulder.
Brian, I’m gonna log you in now. When you feel the others, just let go, she commanded. Brian flinched against her. She felt his confusion.
Just let go. Scream, cry, rage, whatever you need to do. They’re gonna take care of you,*she told him. Ready?
~
Brian nodded jerkily. God, this whispering in his brain had to stop. He felt the girl snap something else into the back of his head. He fell. Sort of.
When he stopped the others were there, waiting. He felt the girl fade out of his mind. Brian whimpered.
The whimper came from all around him. In him. Concern rushed after it. His, someone else’s? Whose? He couldn’t tell. Which one was he? Where was he? Oh God, he moaned.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. It bounced back to him, reflected and refracted and distorted. Remembering the girl’s instructions, Brian gave up.
And screamed.