I think I got stupid.
I don't remember being this dumb last semester. Why is it so hard to process things now? Is there something wrong with my memory? I've been having trouble retrieving things - I learned in Psych that the problems with memory are about retrieval and not retention. We have all that information in our brains, but we just can't get it out. - and when I do remember things, I remember them incorrectly. What's up with that?
I'm also so much lazier this semester. It's not that I am no longer motivated. I feel like a deflated balloon. There's still something there, but it's not enough to fly. The aforementioned is to blame. I want to succeed, but I don't think I can (anymore.)
Since when was I stupid? I don't think I'm stupid. Is my ageism and defeatism combining into one big loser complexism? I'd rather be bad at everything than be half-baked. At least, if I really were stupid, I'd lose all hope and life would be simpler. But having a little flame gives me a little hope, and that little hope refuses to be extinguished and that just complicates everything.
I have been stuck in a rut for a while now. No, I'm not all-powerful or invincible or a superhero. Maybe finally admitting it will put me on the road to recovery, or whatever else comes next?
I'm also so much lazier this semester. It's not that I am no longer motivated. I feel like a deflated balloon. There's still something there, but it's not enough to fly. The aforementioned is to blame. I want to succeed, but I don't think I can (anymore.)
Since when was I stupid? I don't think I'm stupid. Is my ageism and defeatism combining into one big loser complexism? I'd rather be bad at everything than be half-baked. At least, if I really were stupid, I'd lose all hope and life would be simpler. But having a little flame gives me a little hope, and that little hope refuses to be extinguished and that just complicates everything.
I have been stuck in a rut for a while now. No, I'm not all-powerful or invincible or a superhero. Maybe finally admitting it will put me on the road to recovery, or whatever else comes next?