(no subject)
and here i thought that i would make it to her 1st bday!
i thought that maybe, i deserved that! after all the shit i went through in my pregnancy... with no family and no close friends... being that i missed out on all the "real" joys of pregnancy cuz i was so far away from everyone... i thought maybe atleast i deserved to stay with her through all her firsts.
hahahahahaha no!
its either this or get out, and i cant afford to get out. it seems like the "easy" way out!
yes id be here with my daughter... but i cant struggle with her... i cried just cuz i couldnt afford a damn booster seat... imagine if its worse!
i dont know what is gonna happen, but i know what ima do!
beg mom to take her... to put her bullshit aside and watch her, so i can stay in this god forsaken hell hole of an organization.
im gonna get back and she wont even recognize me, she will be talking some and walking, and i would have missed it all!
you only get one first pregnancy and one first child!
my first pregnancy i missed out on a lot!
and i will to owith my first child!
and i wish i could blame the army... but im the one that signed the contract right?
and now this.... =( not sure how ima handle that!
i feel dead with out her!
she is my life, and my heart!
i cant live with out her!
i thought that maybe, i deserved that! after all the shit i went through in my pregnancy... with no family and no close friends... being that i missed out on all the "real" joys of pregnancy cuz i was so far away from everyone... i thought maybe atleast i deserved to stay with her through all her firsts.
hahahahahaha no!
its either this or get out, and i cant afford to get out. it seems like the "easy" way out!
yes id be here with my daughter... but i cant struggle with her... i cried just cuz i couldnt afford a damn booster seat... imagine if its worse!
i dont know what is gonna happen, but i know what ima do!
beg mom to take her... to put her bullshit aside and watch her, so i can stay in this god forsaken hell hole of an organization.
im gonna get back and she wont even recognize me, she will be talking some and walking, and i would have missed it all!
you only get one first pregnancy and one first child!
my first pregnancy i missed out on a lot!
and i will to owith my first child!
and i wish i could blame the army... but im the one that signed the contract right?
and now this.... =( not sure how ima handle that!
i feel dead with out her!
she is my life, and my heart!
i cant live with out her!