From India
I guess it's time for me to update this thing. I've already filled up an entire moleskin, sent out 10 postcards, and written a multitude of emails to family and friends. It's time to update this old dusty thing in case anybody else i've missed might be interested.
I've been backpacking for 3 months now. Cambodia was quick--almost like a basic run-through of all the discomforts we'd likely have throughout Southeast Asia, including ridiculous traffic, unreliable services, scams, many many scams both obvious and some very beguiling, and the disturbingly obvious presence of poverty. Thailand was a waste of time--partying, spending money, doing tourist things. But Luang Prabang in Laos was telling; this was the first time during my travels I realized how deeply I enjoy peace and quiet. That I'm not this excited, energetic, wild party person I had fabricated myself to be back home. That I could be satisfied more with the simple bliss of biking through a small town, petting a stray dog, passing by an old man strumming his guitar, hearing the soothing harmony of monks chanting. Luang Prabang gave me a glimpse into the life I inherently wanted to live. Next came Vietnam and its cacophony of sensual distractions. Delicious food, shiny new stores, luxurious and remarkably cheap massages, the nauseating heat and humidity, unbearably loud music, alcohol and drugs. With my head still spinning from the whirlwind of stimuli, we hopped on a plane from Saigon and flew into Mumbai. And thus began the real journey.
My intention is to make this portion of the journey sound as dramatic as possible. But I don't think I have the patience nor the energy to do that now so I'll skip to the present and blabber. 1 month into India, I find myself in the small hippie town of Dharamkot. For the first time in a very long time, I am motivated to wake up early. A few months ago, I was coming to terms that I'm just not a morning person but maybe I'll have to reconsider. I start my day off by waking up my body with a quick and energizing walk up a hill in the mountains, down a small dirt path and into a temple tucked away in the woods. Then I wake up my mind by meditating alongside other students. Meditation is like ... using your mind to play a video game. haha. The other day I caught a glimpse of no ego and felt morbidly terrified as if I were dead and had no identity and immediately snapped out of it. Our later teacher mentioned that it's okay to sense some fear at first. Just let the feeling pass and look beyond that. I tried for a few days to get back to that state and this afternoon, I envisioned my thoughts, then stepped back and observed the stage of my thoughts, then stepped back further and felt that emptiness and fear again. I let that pass while trying to remain calm and focusing on my breath. And then I caught a glimpse of it again. It was like riding on a wave and trying to stay balanced--not trying too hard but not being distracted. A calming, warm light came to mind and then this orange image of the Buddha came to mind which I let come and go because I was unsure if that was just a forced projection of my mind. There was this blankness. This complete calmness. My eyes were open but I wasn't seeing anything. It lasted maybe seconds but it was noticeably different from the experiences that led up to it and the ones that flooded back in. It was so different. So new. It was like this drug-like state that I conjured myself, without ingesting any kind of substance. What a powerful powerful tool!
I'll leave on that note. We are leaving Dharamkot tomorrow and I hope this doesn't mean an end to this spiritual journey. Finding yourself in India? Cliche, yes! But real? Effective? YES!
Time for a hike. Love yourself! Love others!
I've been backpacking for 3 months now. Cambodia was quick--almost like a basic run-through of all the discomforts we'd likely have throughout Southeast Asia, including ridiculous traffic, unreliable services, scams, many many scams both obvious and some very beguiling, and the disturbingly obvious presence of poverty. Thailand was a waste of time--partying, spending money, doing tourist things. But Luang Prabang in Laos was telling; this was the first time during my travels I realized how deeply I enjoy peace and quiet. That I'm not this excited, energetic, wild party person I had fabricated myself to be back home. That I could be satisfied more with the simple bliss of biking through a small town, petting a stray dog, passing by an old man strumming his guitar, hearing the soothing harmony of monks chanting. Luang Prabang gave me a glimpse into the life I inherently wanted to live. Next came Vietnam and its cacophony of sensual distractions. Delicious food, shiny new stores, luxurious and remarkably cheap massages, the nauseating heat and humidity, unbearably loud music, alcohol and drugs. With my head still spinning from the whirlwind of stimuli, we hopped on a plane from Saigon and flew into Mumbai. And thus began the real journey.
My intention is to make this portion of the journey sound as dramatic as possible. But I don't think I have the patience nor the energy to do that now so I'll skip to the present and blabber. 1 month into India, I find myself in the small hippie town of Dharamkot. For the first time in a very long time, I am motivated to wake up early. A few months ago, I was coming to terms that I'm just not a morning person but maybe I'll have to reconsider. I start my day off by waking up my body with a quick and energizing walk up a hill in the mountains, down a small dirt path and into a temple tucked away in the woods. Then I wake up my mind by meditating alongside other students. Meditation is like ... using your mind to play a video game. haha. The other day I caught a glimpse of no ego and felt morbidly terrified as if I were dead and had no identity and immediately snapped out of it. Our later teacher mentioned that it's okay to sense some fear at first. Just let the feeling pass and look beyond that. I tried for a few days to get back to that state and this afternoon, I envisioned my thoughts, then stepped back and observed the stage of my thoughts, then stepped back further and felt that emptiness and fear again. I let that pass while trying to remain calm and focusing on my breath. And then I caught a glimpse of it again. It was like riding on a wave and trying to stay balanced--not trying too hard but not being distracted. A calming, warm light came to mind and then this orange image of the Buddha came to mind which I let come and go because I was unsure if that was just a forced projection of my mind. There was this blankness. This complete calmness. My eyes were open but I wasn't seeing anything. It lasted maybe seconds but it was noticeably different from the experiences that led up to it and the ones that flooded back in. It was so different. So new. It was like this drug-like state that I conjured myself, without ingesting any kind of substance. What a powerful powerful tool!
I'll leave on that note. We are leaving Dharamkot tomorrow and I hope this doesn't mean an end to this spiritual journey. Finding yourself in India? Cliche, yes! But real? Effective? YES!
Time for a hike. Love yourself! Love others!