(no subject)
It's been quite awhile since I've posted in my LJ regardless that I read my friends posts on a daily basis. I guess I just haven't had much to say other then gripe and well, that hasn't changed. I've been extremely depressed lately. So many things are/have been going on that are really upsetting that I feel extremely crippled mentally and emotionally. As most of you know, our condo has been an ongoing nightmare. Recently we were yet again ejected from it due to plumbing issues that required them to tear up our floor. 3 weeks later, we came back to our belongings buried beneath concrete dust so thick we've been having problems breathing and we're still cleaning it up after a week of being home.
Saturday seriously threw me into the dumps even further as Ian had his palm read and was told he'd have 3 wives. As well, jealousy took over when seeing one of the girls he works closely with who has a build most men would find extremely appealing. Sure, my mind was likely playing tricks but of course when someone like that is walking around in sexy clothing, you could swear your mans eyes are following.
Sunday came and with it the icing on the cake while watching alittle girl on the beach we went to. She was extremely cute, about a year and some months old, and hearing Ian chuckle as he watched her made me long for one of our own. As I commented "That could be ours" or something to that effect, Ians reply hurt me like a stab to the heart "Please dont bug me about that." I keep focusing on a promise that was made to me about having a child last year and its been riding me on a daily basis for a few weeks now. Yes, I know you want to wait, Ian but there is where we differ. Its practically all I think about these days. It brings tears to my eyes knowing that Im not getting any younger and in truth, I've begun to think it simply wont happen at all. Bringing this up here, in LJ, is likely going to upset my husband and for that I apologise but talking about it vocally I just cant do right now. Even now Im crying writting this, worried that this issue will cause a rift in our marriage. I love you. Im inlove with you. None of that has ever changed. Posting this is LJ is definately not intentionally done to anger you in any way so please dont be.
Anyway, Ive said enough right now. I think Im going to end this post here.
Saturday seriously threw me into the dumps even further as Ian had his palm read and was told he'd have 3 wives. As well, jealousy took over when seeing one of the girls he works closely with who has a build most men would find extremely appealing. Sure, my mind was likely playing tricks but of course when someone like that is walking around in sexy clothing, you could swear your mans eyes are following.
Sunday came and with it the icing on the cake while watching alittle girl on the beach we went to. She was extremely cute, about a year and some months old, and hearing Ian chuckle as he watched her made me long for one of our own. As I commented "That could be ours" or something to that effect, Ians reply hurt me like a stab to the heart "Please dont bug me about that." I keep focusing on a promise that was made to me about having a child last year and its been riding me on a daily basis for a few weeks now. Yes, I know you want to wait, Ian but there is where we differ. Its practically all I think about these days. It brings tears to my eyes knowing that Im not getting any younger and in truth, I've begun to think it simply wont happen at all. Bringing this up here, in LJ, is likely going to upset my husband and for that I apologise but talking about it vocally I just cant do right now. Even now Im crying writting this, worried that this issue will cause a rift in our marriage. I love you. Im inlove with you. None of that has ever changed. Posting this is LJ is definately not intentionally done to anger you in any way so please dont be.
Anyway, Ive said enough right now. I think Im going to end this post here.