Pity
That's what I keep coming up with for an answer. No matter how long I think on it, or approach it from a different angle, that seems to be the only possible answer available. Oh? The question? Why would anyone associate themselves with me?
This isn't an attention-seeking post or anything, as contrary to the logic that presents itself, the truth remains that there are those that do seem to want to associate with me.
Let's go over things, shall we?
I'm not particularly attractive, or even particularly unattractive. I don't have anything shiningly amazing, but I also don't seem to have any hideousness about me, either. I'm just kind of... plain... on the attractiveness path.
I'm a good listener... but I also talk more than anyone I know, so that balances out between good and bad traits, too.
I'm intelligent! But a lot of folks think I'm "talking down" to them or "showing off" when I'm about, so again... we've got balanced scales.
Sense of humor? Too subjective.
I seriously can't think of a single reason anyone would ever seek out my company, save one.
As I said above... Pity.
I guess I shouldn't look upon favors and analyze them.
It's just... when that kind of a realization hits you, it's not exactly a fun thing. And it's not like I can ever really ask anyone about it and expect an honest answer. I mean, if I put the question to folks, "Are you my friend -- or even just tolerating association with me -- because you pity me?"
I'm not going to get a straight answer. There will be those that assume I need reassurance at that point and will come up with a denial that may even be plausible. There will be those that think I'm joking and will either ignore the question or confirm it in sarcasm.
I guess I can live with the fact, though.
What's the alternative? To be alone all the time? I'm nearly alone all the time as it stands. You know, I can count the number of people in my life from whom I've had any kind of non-platonic contact in my life that wasn't abusive with the fingers of one hand -- without even needing to enter into the, "is the thumb a finger?" debate.
I will always be lonely, I suppose. That doesn't mean I have to enjoy it. I wish I did enjoy it actually. Maybe I wouldn't feel so worthless all the time.
This isn't an attention-seeking post or anything, as contrary to the logic that presents itself, the truth remains that there are those that do seem to want to associate with me.
Let's go over things, shall we?
I'm not particularly attractive, or even particularly unattractive. I don't have anything shiningly amazing, but I also don't seem to have any hideousness about me, either. I'm just kind of... plain... on the attractiveness path.
I'm a good listener... but I also talk more than anyone I know, so that balances out between good and bad traits, too.
I'm intelligent! But a lot of folks think I'm "talking down" to them or "showing off" when I'm about, so again... we've got balanced scales.
Sense of humor? Too subjective.
I seriously can't think of a single reason anyone would ever seek out my company, save one.
As I said above... Pity.
I guess I shouldn't look upon favors and analyze them.
It's just... when that kind of a realization hits you, it's not exactly a fun thing. And it's not like I can ever really ask anyone about it and expect an honest answer. I mean, if I put the question to folks, "Are you my friend -- or even just tolerating association with me -- because you pity me?"
I'm not going to get a straight answer. There will be those that assume I need reassurance at that point and will come up with a denial that may even be plausible. There will be those that think I'm joking and will either ignore the question or confirm it in sarcasm.
I guess I can live with the fact, though.
What's the alternative? To be alone all the time? I'm nearly alone all the time as it stands. You know, I can count the number of people in my life from whom I've had any kind of non-platonic contact in my life that wasn't abusive with the fingers of one hand -- without even needing to enter into the, "is the thumb a finger?" debate.
I will always be lonely, I suppose. That doesn't mean I have to enjoy it. I wish I did enjoy it actually. Maybe I wouldn't feel so worthless all the time.