1 Year in a Single Post
October 2009 - Updating D's phone at her request discovered a picture with her holding a heart indicating "I Love You ***** XXXOOOXXX" ***** was not me.
Was devistated. Confronted her about it. Asked for counseling.
Became clinically depressed.
Told D about the depression and said that I would need help. She responded "I need to surround myself with people who are happy and I am not sure you are one of them."
November 2009 - Went to the Middle east for 2 weeks for work. Had some incredible conversations with some Men of Islam. In those discussions I rediscovered a part of me.
Divorce counseling #1 - D, "I want a divorce." D, "My soul is the driving force. I am at peace with my decision."
December 2009 - Focused on grief. Missing Delaney. The holidays are difficult. D treating my like garbage. Treating some of our friends poorly too. Embarassing X-Mas eve. Think she is drinking too much.
D's soul countinues to encourage her to destroy what is left of her family and persue her infidelity with a looser with multiple convictions for drug crimes. A person who is unemployed and willing to persue a grieving married woman. A person who has done this exact same thing to another one of our mutual friends. This is her soul speaking.
January 2010 -
1/7 - Delaney's Birthday. Very difficult time. Finding it hard to breathe. Many other family birthdays this month too. All difficult
1/18 - 18th Wedding anniversary. Exchanged cards and flowers. The card from her seems to be mostly positive and seems like we are working toward a future.
Meanwhile we continue to go to this new church and D is feeling guided toward j even more. She continues her emotional and physical relationship with him despite "working" on our marriage. I discover this later.
February 2010 - Discover more text and picture mail between d and j. Divorce counseling #2 - D "I want a divorce." Counselor said no we need to try to work first. D, "ok"
J (the boyfriend) gets an anonymous letter threatening him to get out of my marriage or I will hurt him. I laugh. It works for 10 days. D breaks down crying in MY bed telling me how she is sad that she hurt him. She reminds me that it is her soul that is telling her to do this.
March 2010
D has a birthday and turns 40. She is meloncholy to everyone and nasty to me. She is living in her phone. Probably text, and picture mail form j.
Divorce counseling #3 - D "I want a divorce." Me "Be careful what you wish for you might get it." D "It is what I want." Me "You leave me you are choosing to leave the family, the son stays with me, the house is mine and if you fight me on these things it will get ugly. I want you out by the end of the week."
She move out of the master suite to the office and sleeps in there.
April 2010 - she moves out. Grief over the loss of my daughter is at a new high. My family is falling apart and I am trying to hold on for all that I have.
I get naked pictures of j showing up on my e-mail server. I get pictures of j and d making out. I get pictures of her in compromising positions with comments like "j you are the love of my life" and "how did you like my new trick last night".
All these are coming through the administrative account on the e-mail server because he keeps spelling her name wrong and it bounces and I get the bounces. I suspect a bit of passive agression her.
May 2010 - This is the month that I lost my little girl. It was 2 years ago. I cannot believe that I haven't heard her sweet little voice or felt her tender touch in 2 years. I am overwhelmed again.
Sad at my loss. Angry at my spouse. Ready to hurt someone. My friend comes to my house and removes my ability to do so.
I do a balloon release in memory of my daughter. D is surprised but attends. This is the first time she has cried about the loss of her daughter in my presance in a long time.
She moves in with a co-worker and asks to have our son come and spend some nights. This is the first time I am completely alone in the house. Very difficult for me. I feel haunted. I lean heavily on H&K. I probably owe them my life.
June / July 2010 - Summer time, shared custody of our son. Not talking with D much. Grief is steady but manageable. Anger is abundant. H&K keep me on keel and help me thorugh the summer. Much good food from H! He is a hell of a cook.
D is loosing weight and people are asking me if she is on drugs. I don't know. She is drinking way too much wine if you ask me. I continue to get little hints of her affair. So I finally hire a lawyer.
August 2010 - Lawyer drafts the Marriage Settlement Agreement, Child Custody AGreement and other documents and I give them to her. She hires a SCUMMY lawyer. I threaten to make this get ugly because her lawyer threatens me with the same. She fires him and gets a new lawyer. The paperwork stalls for a while.
Delaney is in my heart and gives me strength but my negative energy is focuse on divorce.
September 2010 - After much negotiations mostly focused on Money the divorce paperwork is final, signed and submitted to the courts. This will be the final month of my marriage. This will be the month that I become the first many in my family in at least 4 generations to get a divorce. And I thought our marriage had run out of firsts.
I have taken some steps to move forward and I know that I am going to be all right.
I have a plan for my future. I plan to embrace the loss of my Daughter. I keep her in my heart. I plan to be me. Express my emotions and feelings. I plan to rediscover what it is about me that I like or used to like. I plan to find a woman who is not afraid to share joy with me as well as the pain I have. That woman would be someone special.
So that is almost a whole year in a single post. I don't know if anyone reads this or why I post it. But there it is.
Was devistated. Confronted her about it. Asked for counseling.
Became clinically depressed.
Told D about the depression and said that I would need help. She responded "I need to surround myself with people who are happy and I am not sure you are one of them."
November 2009 - Went to the Middle east for 2 weeks for work. Had some incredible conversations with some Men of Islam. In those discussions I rediscovered a part of me.
Divorce counseling #1 - D, "I want a divorce." D, "My soul is the driving force. I am at peace with my decision."
December 2009 - Focused on grief. Missing Delaney. The holidays are difficult. D treating my like garbage. Treating some of our friends poorly too. Embarassing X-Mas eve. Think she is drinking too much.
D's soul countinues to encourage her to destroy what is left of her family and persue her infidelity with a looser with multiple convictions for drug crimes. A person who is unemployed and willing to persue a grieving married woman. A person who has done this exact same thing to another one of our mutual friends. This is her soul speaking.
January 2010 -
1/7 - Delaney's Birthday. Very difficult time. Finding it hard to breathe. Many other family birthdays this month too. All difficult
1/18 - 18th Wedding anniversary. Exchanged cards and flowers. The card from her seems to be mostly positive and seems like we are working toward a future.
Meanwhile we continue to go to this new church and D is feeling guided toward j even more. She continues her emotional and physical relationship with him despite "working" on our marriage. I discover this later.
February 2010 - Discover more text and picture mail between d and j. Divorce counseling #2 - D "I want a divorce." Counselor said no we need to try to work first. D, "ok"
J (the boyfriend) gets an anonymous letter threatening him to get out of my marriage or I will hurt him. I laugh. It works for 10 days. D breaks down crying in MY bed telling me how she is sad that she hurt him. She reminds me that it is her soul that is telling her to do this.
March 2010
D has a birthday and turns 40. She is meloncholy to everyone and nasty to me. She is living in her phone. Probably text, and picture mail form j.
Divorce counseling #3 - D "I want a divorce." Me "Be careful what you wish for you might get it." D "It is what I want." Me "You leave me you are choosing to leave the family, the son stays with me, the house is mine and if you fight me on these things it will get ugly. I want you out by the end of the week."
She move out of the master suite to the office and sleeps in there.
April 2010 - she moves out. Grief over the loss of my daughter is at a new high. My family is falling apart and I am trying to hold on for all that I have.
I get naked pictures of j showing up on my e-mail server. I get pictures of j and d making out. I get pictures of her in compromising positions with comments like "j you are the love of my life" and "how did you like my new trick last night".
All these are coming through the administrative account on the e-mail server because he keeps spelling her name wrong and it bounces and I get the bounces. I suspect a bit of passive agression her.
May 2010 - This is the month that I lost my little girl. It was 2 years ago. I cannot believe that I haven't heard her sweet little voice or felt her tender touch in 2 years. I am overwhelmed again.
Sad at my loss. Angry at my spouse. Ready to hurt someone. My friend comes to my house and removes my ability to do so.
I do a balloon release in memory of my daughter. D is surprised but attends. This is the first time she has cried about the loss of her daughter in my presance in a long time.
She moves in with a co-worker and asks to have our son come and spend some nights. This is the first time I am completely alone in the house. Very difficult for me. I feel haunted. I lean heavily on H&K. I probably owe them my life.
June / July 2010 - Summer time, shared custody of our son. Not talking with D much. Grief is steady but manageable. Anger is abundant. H&K keep me on keel and help me thorugh the summer. Much good food from H! He is a hell of a cook.
D is loosing weight and people are asking me if she is on drugs. I don't know. She is drinking way too much wine if you ask me. I continue to get little hints of her affair. So I finally hire a lawyer.
August 2010 - Lawyer drafts the Marriage Settlement Agreement, Child Custody AGreement and other documents and I give them to her. She hires a SCUMMY lawyer. I threaten to make this get ugly because her lawyer threatens me with the same. She fires him and gets a new lawyer. The paperwork stalls for a while.
Delaney is in my heart and gives me strength but my negative energy is focuse on divorce.
September 2010 - After much negotiations mostly focused on Money the divorce paperwork is final, signed and submitted to the courts. This will be the final month of my marriage. This will be the month that I become the first many in my family in at least 4 generations to get a divorce. And I thought our marriage had run out of firsts.
I have taken some steps to move forward and I know that I am going to be all right.
I have a plan for my future. I plan to embrace the loss of my Daughter. I keep her in my heart. I plan to be me. Express my emotions and feelings. I plan to rediscover what it is about me that I like or used to like. I plan to find a woman who is not afraid to share joy with me as well as the pain I have. That woman would be someone special.
So that is almost a whole year in a single post. I don't know if anyone reads this or why I post it. But there it is.