[fic] creative endeavors ; schitt's creek, david & moira
creative endeavors. schitt's creek. david & moira. pg-13. 380. ao3.
for @ficlets' challenge #45: member.
"i wanted to try my hand at a new creative pursuit. i'm going to try and craft some erotica."
“David!” Moira trilled. “What’s another word for member?”
David looked around to check if there was any possibility Moira was talking to anyone other than him despite him being the only other person in the room. “I’m sorry?”
Moira peered at him over her glasses. “Your father and I paid for you to have quite an education, surely you know a synonym for member?”
“Okay, we both know that any education I got in school had nothing to do with learning, like, actual...” David fluttered his hands. “Words and things.”
Moira snapped her fingers. “The synonym, David.”
“Oh my god, I don’t know! Use a thesaurus!”
Moira’s eyes lit up. “A thesaurus! Brilliant! Do you think this derelict town even has a library?"
David rolled his eyes. “Oh my god.” He quickly typed something on his phone.
“Representative?” He asked after a moment.
“Oh, not that kind of member dear.”
David threw his hands up in the air. “Not that kind of member? What other kind of member is there?”
A twinkle appeared in Moira’s eye. David leaned back. That couldn’t be good.
“I wanted to try my hand at a new creative pursuit. I’m going to try and craft some erotica. Twyla gave me the idea.”
“That,” said David, “is disgusting. I cannot believe you just said that to me. I’m going to go pour bleach directly into my ears and then never talk to you ever again!”
David turned to leave.
“But, David,” Moira whined, though she would never call it such a thing. “The thesaurus.”
“Oh my god, here!” David threw his phone at Moira.
Moira beamed. “Thank you, darling!”
“Okay, I’m gonna go vomit now. Please do not contact me for at least eight to sixteen business days. After that time, I will decide if you’re allowed to speak to me.”
Moira frowned. “Oh, David. Must you be so prudish? Sexuality should be celebrated! Especially the sexuality of a mature woman!”
“Ew!” David shrieked. “Ew, ew, ew! Good day.” David opened the door.
“But David--“
“I said good day!”
David slammed the door and shuddered. “I need so much therapy,” he whispered to himself.
Roland, who happened to be walking by, stopped and put a hand on David’s shoulder. “Me too, bud. Me too."
This entry was originally posted at https://delacourtings.dreamwidth.org/93292.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
for @ficlets' challenge #45: member.
"i wanted to try my hand at a new creative pursuit. i'm going to try and craft some erotica."
“David!” Moira trilled. “What’s another word for member?”
David looked around to check if there was any possibility Moira was talking to anyone other than him despite him being the only other person in the room. “I’m sorry?”
Moira peered at him over her glasses. “Your father and I paid for you to have quite an education, surely you know a synonym for member?”
“Okay, we both know that any education I got in school had nothing to do with learning, like, actual...” David fluttered his hands. “Words and things.”
Moira snapped her fingers. “The synonym, David.”
“Oh my god, I don’t know! Use a thesaurus!”
Moira’s eyes lit up. “A thesaurus! Brilliant! Do you think this derelict town even has a library?"
David rolled his eyes. “Oh my god.” He quickly typed something on his phone.
“Representative?” He asked after a moment.
“Oh, not that kind of member dear.”
David threw his hands up in the air. “Not that kind of member? What other kind of member is there?”
A twinkle appeared in Moira’s eye. David leaned back. That couldn’t be good.
“I wanted to try my hand at a new creative pursuit. I’m going to try and craft some erotica. Twyla gave me the idea.”
“That,” said David, “is disgusting. I cannot believe you just said that to me. I’m going to go pour bleach directly into my ears and then never talk to you ever again!”
David turned to leave.
“But, David,” Moira whined, though she would never call it such a thing. “The thesaurus.”
“Oh my god, here!” David threw his phone at Moira.
Moira beamed. “Thank you, darling!”
“Okay, I’m gonna go vomit now. Please do not contact me for at least eight to sixteen business days. After that time, I will decide if you’re allowed to speak to me.”
Moira frowned. “Oh, David. Must you be so prudish? Sexuality should be celebrated! Especially the sexuality of a mature woman!”
“Ew!” David shrieked. “Ew, ew, ew! Good day.” David opened the door.
“But David--“
“I said good day!”
David slammed the door and shuddered. “I need so much therapy,” he whispered to himself.
Roland, who happened to be walking by, stopped and put a hand on David’s shoulder. “Me too, bud. Me too."
This entry was originally posted at https://delacourtings.dreamwidth.org/93292.html. Please comment there using OpenID.