Day 2: Running
Oh. My. Glob. So much sorer. More sore. Whatever it is.
Woke up around 8, got out to run at about 9. Same 2 mile stretch, took I think a couple minutes longer? Also might in part be due because I did an extra two blocks which I'm not 100% sure of because I couldn't remember where I turned yesterday. Anyway.
It was a much sunnier day, though it was definitely chilly when I started and I was glad for the motivation to keep moving, it warmed up significantly in the half hour that I was out (or more likely, I warmed up significantly). There were a lot more people out, though, which made me really skittish and self conscious. Most of them ignored me, but, you know, inner monologue. On top of that, I was wearing a poor choice of underwear, and it kept riding down past the point of being effective whatsoever. So I had in my head (projecting) people looking at my butt and thinking how gross it was, because it was unheld in place. Very exaggerated I hope. Sorry for the in detail, but I'm determined to start airing out my tightly held personal issues.
I feel a lot better about myself already, though. After only two days there are zero physical effects, but just the act of starting up and doing something so good for myself, I feel better about myself, and I'm really pleased with that. I don't know how long that will last, but I'm hoping it will help me to keep doing this, along with Brian's encouragement. I was really pumped to go again today, though. I even wanted to go on a second mini-run yesterday afternoon, but I really didn't think that would be a smart idea.
I am SIGNIFICANTLY sore-er, though. Yesterday I really took it easy on myself, going slowly, not pushing myself very hard, because it was my first day and I didn't want to hurt myself or overdo it and not want to continue. Today I was more interested in pushing myself and seeing what my own limits were, because I kind of scared myself by wondering what if I just do what's comfortable and this whole thing is a huge waste because I'm not even breaking a sweat. (Yesterday and today I did break a sweat. Which was also how I realized that I have an issue of thinking I'm not really working out unless I'm in a big sweat. Which is a little more difficult being outdoors and in the wind and cool air than when you're in a heated gym, but still.) So I tried to go faster, and go a little farther, and I am already feeling it, though I did stretch before and after-more stretching after. With a hot shower to ease my muscles.
I'm not sure what I want my end goal to be. I want to make it a daily habit, of course, but I'm not sure if I'm trying to make a life change to be a runner for the rest of my life, or if I just want to try to lose some weight now then stop and gain it back, which is what happened before. I was thinking about that as I was running. I realized that what I should be trying to do is become a runner, though right now my goal is to get more in shape and lose weight and feel better about myself, I think there might be a point where I should plateau and simply run something that's comfortable for myself and to maintain, rather than try to achieve new goals and continuously try to lose weight-because I don't really want to do that. I've always rebelled against the idea of constantly trying to lose weight/look better; while I do want to lose weight, it's because I know how very unhealthy I am right now. Of course I have fantasies were I'm super thin and super pretty, despite my overwhelming feminist ways. It's not really from a need to get tons of attention and everything, I just imagine I would be treated better and be taken more seriously if I wasn't fat. (There are studies to prove this, actually.) Plus, you know, to be able to look at myself and not constantly think about how awful I look.
So I guess my goal is to get to a weight that is healthier (which at this point would be anything less), and to be able to, say, go on a hike without dying. I've always sort of wanted to be around a size 12 or 14; which really doesn't seem like much, but it's average, and I think with my body type would basically mean I have a really kickin' hourglass figure, and I wouldn't be constantly hating myself and exercising and dieting to be any smaller. 14 would be good, 12 would be awesome. Right now I'm an uncomfortable 18, so I guess my current goal is just to fit better into the pants I already have. This is a good immediate goal, since all my pants currently have holes in them, and I desperately need a new pair, something I've been putting off because nothing's really fitting. (I guess technically I'm a size 20. This is really hard to admit to myself, because that's the biggest I've ever been.) So I will reward myself by fitting comfortably into a size 18 with that new pair of pants that I need. I will try to lose weight after that (which will probably make those pants worthless), but maybe after that belts won't be so uncomfortable. I'll also get a cheap pair of pants so that I don't feel so bad about the new pants if/when they no longer fit.
I don't weigh myself. I can't handle it. I know I can't. Maybe in a little bit, when I've actually proven to myself that this is a solid thing, so I can better keep track of my progress. But I really can't handle it right now.
My next challenges (as I see them) are doing this every day/almost every day, which I will be able to easily do for the next two weeks, until the end of April. That's because I'm barely working for the next two weeks at the bookstore, since our hours are given monthly and I worked almost all my available hours in the first two weeks. So I want to get in the habit of running every day now so that when I am working much more frequently, the idea of getting up super early to do my run isn't so atrocious. I'm also going to work on my eating habits; while not working is really great for getting into the habit of running, it's also really terrible for my eating. I'm home in the house all day and it is SO SO SO SO SO SO easy to way oversnack in that situation. Three out of five week days I have rehearsals to get me out of the house, at least.
Wow. This post is super long. Okay. I'm taking this running thing seriously. I want this. I want to feel good about myself, like when I was running before. That's really what I want. Actual goals just give me something to work towards.
Stats for the day:
Ran ~2 miles
Took a little over 30 minutes, maybe 32-33 minutes
Did 20 sit ups; on Thursday I should do 20 more
Not sure how long I did stretches, should take note of that tomorrow
Woke up around 8, got out to run at about 9. Same 2 mile stretch, took I think a couple minutes longer? Also might in part be due because I did an extra two blocks which I'm not 100% sure of because I couldn't remember where I turned yesterday. Anyway.
It was a much sunnier day, though it was definitely chilly when I started and I was glad for the motivation to keep moving, it warmed up significantly in the half hour that I was out (or more likely, I warmed up significantly). There were a lot more people out, though, which made me really skittish and self conscious. Most of them ignored me, but, you know, inner monologue. On top of that, I was wearing a poor choice of underwear, and it kept riding down past the point of being effective whatsoever. So I had in my head (projecting) people looking at my butt and thinking how gross it was, because it was unheld in place. Very exaggerated I hope. Sorry for the in detail, but I'm determined to start airing out my tightly held personal issues.
I feel a lot better about myself already, though. After only two days there are zero physical effects, but just the act of starting up and doing something so good for myself, I feel better about myself, and I'm really pleased with that. I don't know how long that will last, but I'm hoping it will help me to keep doing this, along with Brian's encouragement. I was really pumped to go again today, though. I even wanted to go on a second mini-run yesterday afternoon, but I really didn't think that would be a smart idea.
I am SIGNIFICANTLY sore-er, though. Yesterday I really took it easy on myself, going slowly, not pushing myself very hard, because it was my first day and I didn't want to hurt myself or overdo it and not want to continue. Today I was more interested in pushing myself and seeing what my own limits were, because I kind of scared myself by wondering what if I just do what's comfortable and this whole thing is a huge waste because I'm not even breaking a sweat. (Yesterday and today I did break a sweat. Which was also how I realized that I have an issue of thinking I'm not really working out unless I'm in a big sweat. Which is a little more difficult being outdoors and in the wind and cool air than when you're in a heated gym, but still.) So I tried to go faster, and go a little farther, and I am already feeling it, though I did stretch before and after-more stretching after. With a hot shower to ease my muscles.
I'm not sure what I want my end goal to be. I want to make it a daily habit, of course, but I'm not sure if I'm trying to make a life change to be a runner for the rest of my life, or if I just want to try to lose some weight now then stop and gain it back, which is what happened before. I was thinking about that as I was running. I realized that what I should be trying to do is become a runner, though right now my goal is to get more in shape and lose weight and feel better about myself, I think there might be a point where I should plateau and simply run something that's comfortable for myself and to maintain, rather than try to achieve new goals and continuously try to lose weight-because I don't really want to do that. I've always rebelled against the idea of constantly trying to lose weight/look better; while I do want to lose weight, it's because I know how very unhealthy I am right now. Of course I have fantasies were I'm super thin and super pretty, despite my overwhelming feminist ways. It's not really from a need to get tons of attention and everything, I just imagine I would be treated better and be taken more seriously if I wasn't fat. (There are studies to prove this, actually.) Plus, you know, to be able to look at myself and not constantly think about how awful I look.
So I guess my goal is to get to a weight that is healthier (which at this point would be anything less), and to be able to, say, go on a hike without dying. I've always sort of wanted to be around a size 12 or 14; which really doesn't seem like much, but it's average, and I think with my body type would basically mean I have a really kickin' hourglass figure, and I wouldn't be constantly hating myself and exercising and dieting to be any smaller. 14 would be good, 12 would be awesome. Right now I'm an uncomfortable 18, so I guess my current goal is just to fit better into the pants I already have. This is a good immediate goal, since all my pants currently have holes in them, and I desperately need a new pair, something I've been putting off because nothing's really fitting. (I guess technically I'm a size 20. This is really hard to admit to myself, because that's the biggest I've ever been.) So I will reward myself by fitting comfortably into a size 18 with that new pair of pants that I need. I will try to lose weight after that (which will probably make those pants worthless), but maybe after that belts won't be so uncomfortable. I'll also get a cheap pair of pants so that I don't feel so bad about the new pants if/when they no longer fit.
I don't weigh myself. I can't handle it. I know I can't. Maybe in a little bit, when I've actually proven to myself that this is a solid thing, so I can better keep track of my progress. But I really can't handle it right now.
My next challenges (as I see them) are doing this every day/almost every day, which I will be able to easily do for the next two weeks, until the end of April. That's because I'm barely working for the next two weeks at the bookstore, since our hours are given monthly and I worked almost all my available hours in the first two weeks. So I want to get in the habit of running every day now so that when I am working much more frequently, the idea of getting up super early to do my run isn't so atrocious. I'm also going to work on my eating habits; while not working is really great for getting into the habit of running, it's also really terrible for my eating. I'm home in the house all day and it is SO SO SO SO SO SO easy to way oversnack in that situation. Three out of five week days I have rehearsals to get me out of the house, at least.
Wow. This post is super long. Okay. I'm taking this running thing seriously. I want this. I want to feel good about myself, like when I was running before. That's really what I want. Actual goals just give me something to work towards.
Stats for the day:
Ran ~2 miles
Took a little over 30 minutes, maybe 32-33 minutes
Did 20 sit ups; on Thursday I should do 20 more
Not sure how long I did stretches, should take note of that tomorrow