Taking Back Sunday -- Chapter 11
[Title] Taking Back Sunday
[Author] dejectedmadness
[Rating] FINALLY NC-17 for boykissing/touching/sexual contact/boysecks!!!
[Chapter Listing] .:1:. .:2:. .:3:. .:4:. .:5:. .:6:. .:7:. .:8:. .:9:. .:10:. 11/?
[Disclaimer] I am posting fanFICTION. Neither the characters nor the ideas belong to me, just the plot specific to this story. No profit is being made off of this fiction, it is being written solely for my entertainment and for the entertainment of others as warped as I am. Don't sue.
[Band/Pairing] Brand New/Straylight Run, Jesse Lacey/Brian Lane, Jesse Lacey/John Nolan
[Summary] Jesse makes a new friend about whom John is not particularly fond for reasons as yet only speculated upon.
[X-Posted] rockinthebed, slashypunkboys, _brand_new_love, lacey_loves_jno
[Author’s Notes] This isn’t intended to be particularly AU, although it is a high school fic, and it has some anachronistic tendencies.
Oh such boy angst! I love emo Jesse! He’s so pretty. Poor, poor boys. I love them too much to watch them suffer for long.
Props to John for knowing Canadian Poetry. He quotes a line from a poem called The Canadian Authors Meet by F.R. Scott. His context is slightly different than what is meant by the poem, but it fit nicely.
“Well, it was easy to hate him on principle. I can’t suddenly do a complete reversal and call him my best friend or anything, but no, I don’t still have a problem with him. He seems nice enough, I guess,” John shrugged, turning his red face away from Jesse.
The boys were sitting on John’s bed with math notes spread in front of them, calculators and pencils in hand, although they weren’t concentrating on trigonometry as much as they were joking around, pleased to be together again. The books were for John’s mother’s benefit, as well as that of her pint-size spy; Michelle kept peeking through John’s door and then running down the hall to tell her mother that her brother and his friend were not doing as much homework as they said they were, and begging her to please let her friend Sharon come over.
“Are you blushing?” Jesse asked with a smirk.
John rolled his eyes and sighed. “I don’t like admitting I was wrong, okay?”
Jesse laughed. “So you’re embarrassed?”
“You’re a jerk sometimes, Jesse,” John muttered, but he was smiling as he said it.
“But you don’t hate him, now?”
“No. He’s not a bad guy. He’s arrogant and annoying, but no more than you are. You’re perfect together.”
Jesse pushed him jokingly. “Do I have to keep him at arm’s length still, then?”
“Huh?”
“Would it bother you to hang out with us both? Together. Because if I have to shuffle my time to accommodate you both, I will, but it would be easier if you’d just agree to hang out with us sometimes.”
“It depends. Are you going to be gross?”
Jesse shoved him again, playfully. “You said we were allowed to be gross!”
John laughed. “Really? That doesn’t sound like me.” Jesse raised an eyebrow at him, at which point John met his eyes, looking somewhat confused himself. “Actually, that’s a lie. That sounds exactly like me.”
“You’re damn right it sounds like you.”
“But only because I want to perv on watching you two fool around,” John commented with a casual glance back down to his book. When he looked back up, Jesse had formed his face into a perfect “O” of shock. John snorted a laugh and shook his head, obviously trying to draw attention away from the renewed redness in his cheeks. “What?”
“You’re not even joking!” Jesse insisted in only partially feigned horror. “John!”
“What?” Jesse didn’t even try to voice his observations, knowing full well that John knew exactly why he was in open-mouthed astonishment. “You should know, now, Jesse, that I like the idea of two guys….”
“Well… yeah, but you hate Brian!”
John shrugged. “No, we’ve been through this. I don’t hate him.” He looked back down at his book, pressing a button on his calculator to clear the screen. “I just don’t like him hogging you all to himself.” His smirk betrayed his jibe. Jesse couldn’t help but blush. It cost him a comeback because John looked up again a second later. “He’s actually pretty hot,” he murmured softly, not quite meeting Jesse’s eyes.
Jesse couldn’t help but laugh at that. For someone that had previously claimed to hate the guy, John was turning around on his former opinions quickly enough. That Jesse knew exactly why, and that John hadn’t stopped teasing him since the previous night should have made him uncomfortable, but he just couldn’t bring himself to feel weird about John flirting with him openly. It was hardly a change from the norm, for them. The differences were subtle: a pause of significance, the absence of inflection, a smirk, a smile, and downcast eyes after an appropriate comment. It all spoke of weight and meaning masked by old jokes. When John teased Jesse, it wasn’t with the same characteristic shy reticence that lingered until Jesse laughed. Jesse’s sexual remarks were no longer met with buoyant mirth, but instead a lopsided smile and the absence of retort. The change was new, but not weird. It felt, if anything, more real, more honest, and he supposed that it was exactly that. John no longer had to hide behind jokes. He was out.
In fact, if Jesse were truthful to himself, the flirting and the easiness between them appealed to him. It felt good. He knew he shouldn’t enjoy having his friend tease him or lust after him- or his boyfriend!- but it gave Jesse a perverse pleasure. He liked that John wanted him. He couldn’t deny, despite Brian, that he was actually kind of attracted to John, too. Jesse knew better, though, than to think that anything would ever happen between he and John, especially not with Brian around.
As odd as it felt to admit it, Brian was growing on him. In the past days, particularly those when Jesse and John were mutually exclusive, Brian became a crutch for Jesse. As the only friend with whom he had contact, Jesse had relied on him for his sanity. Besides becoming more physical in their relationship, their closeness had also grown, in no small part because Brian had worked so fiercely to keep Jesse’s mind off of missing John. It was nice, and Jesse enjoyed being so intimate with someone. This was different from any relationship he’d endured with anyone else in his life, considering it was currently one of the longest ones he’d ever had, and because it was so close to friendship that there was no awkwardness in trying to locate a common ground. The point being that simply the thought of Brian put a smile on Jesse’s face. Considering that he tended not to think of much else, he bore a happy countenance almost all of the time.
“You keep your hands off him. I saw him first; he’s mine,” Jesse cautioned, and although he knew that John wouldn’t even consider trying to steal Brian away, Jesse felt a pang at the thought of Brian leaving him, for whatever reason.
“You can keep him! My arrogant jerk quota is all filled up with Jesse Lacey!” Jesse shoved John again.
“Just because I’m cooler than you….”
“You wish, Jess.”
***
Jesse and John met Shaun at school. They’d returned to their normal behaviour since reconciling. They would meet in the morning, walk to class together, eat lunch together, and annoy the teachers enough to warrant threats of detention, which they were also smart enough to avoid once said threats became more serious.
It was finally Friday, and the boys were making plans for after school. Jesse meant to meet Brian at his locker and had originally planned to go back to Brian’s place, but the addition of John to their posse necessitated a different locale for their after-school adventures; as much as Jesse enjoyed John’s newfound ease around them both, he didn’t like the idea of congregating in Brian’s bedroom where things could get awkward really quickly. They decided, instead, to walk into town, maybe have something to eat, and take it from there. Brian, being absent, had absolutely no say in the matter, but Jesse didn’t think he would mind.
The bell sounded, excusing them from their first period class, and they advanced into the hall laughing and talking animatedly, but the teacher called Jesse back, ordering John ahead to his next class. It was nothing important. She just wanted to caution him on the attention he paid in class, having noticed some severe fluctuations in his attitude in recent weeks. He assured her that he would try to make more of an effort before she would let him go ahead to his next class, struggling through the stream of students that strode through the door to their seats for next period.
Jesse had barely made it to the end of the hall by the time the bell rang again and he cursed, knowing his teacher would probably ask him to obtain a note from the office for being late. He debated simply going to the office to eliminate wasted time, but his thoughts were interrupted when he heard the bang of books against the floor just ahead of him.
“Hey,” a voice said as Jesse approached the corner. “Leave me alone!”
“Pick ‘em up,” ordered a second voice. Jesse recognized it as belonging to one of the football players, a kid with whom he had never had the pleasure of enduring class but who was known throughout the school as a bully and an asshole. He was one of the worst jocks around, Jesse knew. He’d joined the basketball team in freshmen year and witnessed some of his fellow athletes’ difficulties with the boy. For some reason, he had never messed with Jesse. He’d never questioned it and was simply grateful for the blessing.
Jesse rounded the corner as the first boy was bending to gather books and papers from the ground where the bully, Josh, as he recalled, stood watching. When the first kid was on his feet again, Jesse recognized him. Slim and pale with nearly black eyes to match his pitch-dark hair, and unshaven, it was Corey Ashford. He faced off with Josh, probably hoping for him to be the first to leave. Jesse would have been unwilling to turn his back on the guy, too.
No such luck; the jock reached out to slap the pile of books in the kid’s hands back to the floor with a cruel smirk.
“Hey!” Jesse heard himself cry. He hadn’t even thought about it, but he was striding over there, small and skinny, to battle with this behemoth asshole. He grit his teeth and stood his ground. “Leave him alone!”
“Who do you think you are, kid?” the guy asked.
“Doesn’t matter,” Jesse retorted. “You don’t have the right-”
“To pick on a little fag like him? I consider it my duty.” He laughed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why? What are you gonna do about it?”
“Me? Nothing. But the both of us could take you easily. I suggest you leave him alone.”
Corey stood up, books in hand, and stared down the bully side by side with Jesse.
Josh laughed. “This little queer? He’s not gonna defend himself.”
“Josh, why don’t you fuck off!” Corey exclaimed, his voice hardly even shaking.
Josh raised an eyebrow at him, then turned to Jesse. “You heard him,” Jesse said. “Before you get your ass handed to you.”
Unhappily, the jock slapped the books from Corey’s arms once more and strode off, presumably to his next class or to slam his head against a brick wall for the same result.
Jesse watched him go, making sure he was well away from them before he bent to help Corey gather his things. “Hey,” he said softly. “Are you okay?”
“Why don’t you leave me alone and mind your own goddamn business,” the kid muttered.
Jesse stopped, holding out a handful of pages. “I was just trying to help-”
“Well don’t! Just stay away from me!” Corey grabbed the pages from Jesse’s outstretched hands and stormed off in the other direction. Bewildered, the guitarist gathered his own books and headed off to his class.
***
“So? Where to?” Brian asked after the plan had been relayed to him, a smile permanently fixed to his face. It didn’t seem to bother Brian that John was interested in spending time with the both of them, now, but Jesse got the feeling that the other boy wasn’t being completely forthright with him. Brian’s mannerisms were slightly different around John, even now, when Jesse thought that he had simply been uptight because he wanted John to accept him, if not particularly like him. Now that he knew that John had given his blessing, Brian should have been more relaxed around him, but Jesse could sense his unease, and it concerned him.
They decided to take the bus to the nearest mall. Although none of them had any money to spare for CDs or clothes, it was the easiest place to hang out after school, and the food court provided the hungry teenage boys with as much greasy junk as they could possibly crave.
Despite John’s earlier insistence that they feel free to act boyfriendly around him, Jesse was hesitant to so much as grab Brian’s hand. It wasn’t however, just apprehension around John that prevented that level of intimacy, but their discomfort about displaying that sort of affection in such a public place. It was one thing to kiss and touch in the privacy of Brian’s bedroom, but it was something completely different to do it on the bus for the whole world to see. Jesse had never inquired into Brian’s family’s knowledge about his affinity for boys, but he knew very well that if his own family caught him so much as holding hands with another man, that would be the end of not only Jesse’s relationship with Brian, but would also eliminate any manner of social life that Jesse wished to have for the remainder of his youth.
The problem with Jesse’s reticence was that it didn’t live up to expectations when Brian was right beside him. It was difficult not to touch him, casually or otherwise, when he knew that he could, and it was simply his anxiety over getting caught that prevented it. Fortunately, Brian seemed to be having the same problem as Jesse realized when they were on the bus. A hesitant movement and then the internal dilemma of propriety caused Brian’s hand to hover in midair without quite touching Jesse as they stood, close together because of the number of bodies crammed into the relatively small space. Jesse smiled at Brian, unable to help himself, and took the hovering limb, entwining digits in his own. With a quick glance around for anyone who might know them, Jesse pecked a kiss to Brian’s lips.
As they were preoccupied, a voice from beside them huffed and scowled, “Disgusting.”
Jesse’s face fell. He held onto Brian’s hand, but a blush spread across his cheeks.
“Hey!” Jesse was shocked at his best friend’s voice when it blared from beside him. “Have a little fucking respect!” John demanded. The woman who had spoken looked on as though he had grown a second head. She snorted, a look of derision colouring her features in a surly shade of intolerance. “We’re not hurting anyone. We’re minding our own business, so why don’t you keep your comments to yourself.”
Jesse blinked at John whose face was contorted in a way that Jesse had never seen. The boy was utterly focused on the woman before him with the sour lips and nose high in the air. She was not swayed.
“People like you will drag this country down to hell with you! That is a sin against God.” She shook her head, turning to face forward again, as if she would actually mind her own business.
“People like you hold this country back! You promote oppression and discrimination against people who only want the same rights and freedoms as you take for granted every day. God does not condone hate. God is love, and God is freedom. We will ascend to His gates long before he ever lets a bitch like you catch a glimpse of His divinity.”
Affronted, her mouth gaped. Jesse couldn’t help but do the same. He had never heard his friend so belligerent or so passionate.
The woman snarled, “You and your friends are going straight to hell!”
“You’ll be lucky to ever glimpse the kind of love and happiness that they share. You ever wonder why no one married you?” Jesse noticed, as John had drawn attention to the fact, that the woman’s ring finger was bare. “Because you’re a pompous, pious bitch. Take a good look, now, lady, because the closest you’re going to find to love like this runs on double As.”
If John hadn’t decided that it was a good time to get off the bus, Jesse would have pulled the bell himself. They all hopped off at the next stop, Jesse and Brian avoiding the looks of everyone on the bus while John stared down the woman until she looked away and the bus pulled forward.
“Jesus, John! What was that all about?” Jesse exclaimed.
The boy was obviously too worked up to feel bashful, yet, about his outburst. “I just fucking hate intolerance! Just because some retard decided that he didn’t like the idea of two guys in love and he happened to be high up in the church, suddenly it’s a huge fucking sin. Well it isn’t! It never was! I don’t believe that God would tell us that love, any kind of love, is wrong! It isn’t hurting anyone, you know? I’m sick of people who think they’re better than you just because they prefer cock. ‘Virgins of sixty who still write of passion;’ who are they to dictate what love is and what love should be?”
Jesse stared at John as the boy morosely glared at his shoes until the boy’s face began to redden. “John,” he said letting go of Brian’s hand to sling an arm around his friend, “I love you.”
***
They caught the next bus the rest of the way to the mall. The rest of the afternoon was spent scouring the music store for anything new and exciting. John picked out ten albums that he wanted to buy, but put them all back in favour of forgoing the act of narrowing down his options, intending instead to spend his cash on French fries.
They took the bus back home, again, at around six, parting ways when Jesse and Brian got off at the stop nearest to Brian’s place and John rode a little further to his house. Jesse had had the foresight to bring a change of clothes with him, since he had known beforehand that they would be going out after school. He didn’t want to look like the prim and proper catholic schoolboy he was. He lounged in Brian’s room with him in a pair of loose jeans and a long sleeved white t-shirt under his navy golf shirt. It was much more comfortable than a stiff white button down top and blue slacks.
“I like the tie, though,” Brian complained while trying to distract Jesse from the homework he was pretending to do by settling his head in Jesse’s lap. “It looks so suave and-”
“I wear the tie all day. It’s tight and annoying. And it gets caught in drawers and doors and-”
“And if you were wearing it, I could pull you down here to kiss you. Instead, I have to just hope that my puppy-dog eyes and pretty face are lures enough.”
Jesse laughed and bent over to touch Brian’s lips with his. “Just… get your mom to let you transfer schools or something. Then you can take advantage of the tie all day.”
Brian grimaced. “Like I want to wear that uniform every damn day! I just want to see you in it, don’t punish me for that!”
Jesse rolled his eyes. “How am I going to get any of this math homework done with you distracting me?” he complained as much to change the subject as to remind Brian that there were many more interesting endeavours on which they could fix their attentions than algebra.
It worked. Brian grabbed the pencil in Jesse’s hand and threw it across the room. It bounced off the wall and disappeared under the bed.
“Hey!” Jesse protested, but Brian wasn’t finished. He lifted the binder from his boyfriend’s lap and closed it deliberately, dropping it beside the bed. “Wait-”
Brian didn’t let him finish. He leaned up from his position of comfort and accosted the guitarist’s mouth, putting a stop to any declaration or opposition that he could have voiced. Gently, he maneuvered the other boy backward until Jesse was flat on his back with Brian stretched out at a ninety-degree angle to him, kissing him sideways.
Jesse laughed when Brian released him. “I have actual studying to do, you know.”
“You’re studying,” Brian countered. “Chemistry.” He winked. Jesse rolled his eyes. “Religion, too, because I’m a God.” Jesse wished he’d saved his eye-roll for the occasion of that declaration, because really, it was the worst yet. “And the most important: physical education.”
Jesse barked a laugh. “Alright, professor Lane. Teach me all about it.”
Brian smirked. He rose up on his elbows and moved to straddle Jesse’s waist. “I’d be happy to,” he agreed as Jesse laughed.
Brian lifted Jesse’s shirts up. He raised his head from the bed so that his boyfriend could remove the offensive garments and cast them to the floor. Jesse was not inclined to be the only one wearing so little. He helped the other boy disrobe, also.
“First,” he said, when Jesse was comfortable under him on the bed, “there’s this.” Brian trailed a finger down Jesse’s neck. “It’s your Adam’s apple. It doesn’t have a particular use except for me to lick it,” he did just that, “to make your heart,” he touched Jesse’s chest with a flat palm, “speed up and your breath,” he breathed into Jesse’s mouth, “get heavier.” Jesse tried to kiss him, but Brian moved away quickly. His head fell back against the bed. “And here,” he trailed the same finger down the centre of the boy’s chest, “is your sternum. It’s the line that separates this,” he licked Jesse’s nipple,” from this,” he licked the other one. Jesse moaned a little when the second lick became more of a caress followed by a suck and eventually a tug. “Also useful in increased heart and breathing rates.” Jesse huffed a small laugh. “And it leads, in the most direct path between two points, from the first article, to the last.” To punctuate what he meant, Brian pressed his hips downward into Jesse’s.
“Oh,” Jesse moaned more loudly.
“But!” Brian sat up. “We’re not there, yet.”
Jesse gave a heavy exhalation. Brian really was the best kind of tease. The other boy smiled and apologized by kissing Jesse softly, tongue flicking at his lips until they parted to give him entrance. His talented lips kept Jesse on his toes for a span of at least a few minutes, until the game had been forgotten, at least. Finally he retreated, much to Jesse’s annoyance.
“First, there’s this,” he shuffled down to trace the circle of Jesse’s bellybutton with his tongue. He shuddered at the sensation of Brian’s slick muscle wriggling around that circle. He hadn’t fully appreciated how much of an erogenous zone the spot was for him until that moment. If he hadn’t been fully erect before, he definitely was, now. “Apparently, it’s a horny-switch. Once I turn it on, you can’t stop panting and writhing,” Brian observed. His eyes sparkled up at Jesse.
“You’re a tease,” Jesse admonished.
Brian crawled up his torso again, lips brushing key sensitive locations along Jesse’s torso as he went, until he could lock his lips to Jesse’s again. “It’s only teasing if I don’t intend to follow through,” he offered as a correction. His smile told Jesse that that was exactly what he meant to do.
Impatient as ever, Jesse caught his boyfriend’s face in his hands and demanded a kiss. Brian eagerly thrust his tongue between Jesse’s lips, and testimony to his suggestion a moment before, his hand snaked between them to flick open Jesse’s fly.
“Oh, Brian,” Jesse whispered when he felt fingertips brush him through his boxers. He didn’t wait for a response, though, and pulled Brian back into a kiss made of tongues and teeth and lust.
Just then, a knock sounded on the door, but the person behind it didn’t wait long enough for the lovers to jump apart before opening the door with a question on her tongue. “Brian, is Jesse sleeping- oh! Oh my God!”
Brian launched himself off Jesse, backing away from the bed with a look of horror painted across his face. His startled mother backed out of the room and closed the door behind her. Her hurried footsteps thudded down the stairs.
“Oh fuck! Oh fuck!” Brian whispered, sitting down to put his head in his hands. Jesse offered Brian his shirt from the floor. He didn’t know what to say, because “Hey, it’ll be okay,” sounded like an empty promise. Jesse knew exactly what would happen if he had been caught in the same situation in his house. His mother would run back down the stairs in mortification, considering all the different ways her son would burn in hell, wondering what she had done wrong, all before telling, amidst sobs, Jesse’s fath-
“Brian!” Boomed a voice from downstairs. “You have ten seconds to get down here and explain yourself!”
Brian looked at Jesse, eyes wide in terror until the man hollered the first number. He leapt up from the chair, donning a shirt, quickly, and tore from the room leaving Jesse standing there in bewilderment.
He went through the motions of putting his things away. He tucked the pencil, located from beneath the bed, and his binder into his backpack. He gathered his jacket from the floor, but it was all for naught. He knew he would have to go downstairs, too, to face the heat.
“This kind of abomination,” Brian’s father was yelling when Jesse arrived in the kitchen, “will not happen in my house! Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir,” Brian agreed meekly, his head bowed as he sat at the table. Jesse set his backpack and jacket next to the door. He had no misconceptions about whether he would be welcome to stay after this. As soon as he took his share of the blame, he would be asked to hightail it out of there.
“I am disgusted with you, Brian! Disgusted! You should know better! We taught you better!”
“You did, sir. I’m sorry, sir,” Brian agreed, not glancing up.
“Where did you get this godforsaken idea from? From television? From that god-awful music?”
“No, sir, nothing like that!” Brian declared, daring to raise his head. This was the point at which he finally noticed Jesse standing in the doorway. The diversion of his attention drew his father, too, to the appearance of his accomplice in sexual deviancy.
“You!” He stormed over to Jesse, who took a step back, intimidated. “I’m shocked, Jesse, that a nice catholic boy like you could have been swayed by the devil! You know, no doubt, what you’ve done is wrong? It’s an abomination under God?”
“Y-yes, sir,” Jesse agreed, taking direction from Brian’s meek responses.
“You’d best seek a church, boy! And get gone from here!”
“I’m sorry, sir. I really am. I never meant-”
“That’s enough from you! I want you out! Out of my house!” he yelled, pointing toward the door. Jesse stumbled backward in a hurry to follow directions. “And I don’t want to see you around here again! Don’t you come near my boy!”
Jesse stopped. “But sir-”
“Out! Get out!” Mr. Lane strode forward as though if Jesse didn’t mean to let himself out, he would do it for him. Jesse pulled on his shoes without tying them up. He didn’t even put his jacket on; he just grabbed it and his bag and fled.
***
As Jesse walked the streets, the darkness and cold surrounding him began to seep inside. His mind was blissfully blank of original thought as he headed toward home. Brian’s father’s yell and his mother’s shocked shriek rang in his ears as he replayed the event. How had they been so careless as to leave the door unlocked?
That had been his first original thought, blaming carelessness. It took a long time of consideration before Jesse came to terms with what had occurred. He’d been thrown out of Brian’s house because they’d been caught fooling around on Brian’s bed. Two boys, fooling around, getting caught, and a pair of parents having the obligatory freak-out: that was what had just happened. Jesse felt numb inside. That was, until he thought of the consequences.
Brian would be grounded, probably for weeks. He’d probably lost all band-privileges. He would likely get yelled at for the rest of the night. From what Jesse had seen of his father, Brian would probably be too distraught to get much sleep that night; Jesse knew he wouldn’t.
Never come around again, that was what he’d been instructed. He was never to go by Brian’s place, no more long nights sitting up talking until the sun shone through the blinds, no more lazy Sundays jamming with him, and no more band practice with the Rookie Lot, as it was held at Brian’s house. Jesse knew without a doubt that if Brian’s father ever saw him again, he would be in more trouble than he could consider right then.
He knew, though, that it was no less than what Brian would have endured had his parents caught them, instead. Had the situation been reversed, Jesse wouldn’t see outside of a confessional for the next three months! He’d be lectured every night at dinner, in front of everyone. He’d never be able to go see John. They would definitely forbid Brian from ever coming back. Jesse’s life as he knew it would be effectively over. Hell, his parents wouldn’t stop there. They would call Brian’s parents, too. They’d make sure that he shared the blame and got the same punishment. There would be no chance of Jesse saying he was at John’s only to disappear to Brian’s for the weekend, not with both sets of parents aware of what deviants their sons were.
Jesse stopped in the street. He hadn’t considered that. He hardly knew the first thing about Brian’s parents, rarely associating with them outside of dinner-table-conversation. How did he know their reaction wouldn’t be exactly the same as Jesse’s parents’? What if they had called? What if they’d phoned Jesse’s mother as soon as Jesse was out the door?
“Oh, no,” he whispered to the empty street. He couldn’t go home, not if that was waiting for him!
He stopped at a bus shelter, stepped inside to sit on the bench rather than have his shaking legs deposit him on the ground in the middle of the sidewalk. It was there, as the shock wore off and Jesse realized the severity of the circumstances, he broke down.
Jesse covered his face with his hands, his distress came out in heavy sobs. He couldn’t go back to Brian’s, not ever, and he certainly couldn’t return home, not if his parents knew, for they would concoct far worse punishments for him there than he could imagine right now. Talk about getting caught with his pants down!
Jesse hiccupped and tried to dry his face, but he couldn’t, the tears came too strongly, too thick with dread for him to wipe them away.
A sound alerted him, and he looked up. He jumped from his seat, grabbing the bag and rushed outside his little hut to the bus that had stopped there. He fished through pockets for change and dropped the fare into the machine.
Three stops later, he morosely dredged himself up from his seat and disembarking, he started down the block to the lighted window with the familiar red Honda parked out front and the crooked mailbox at the end of the driveway. John answered the door cheerfully until light glinted off Jesse’s face from the interior of the house where the distraught boy could see Mr. and Mrs. Nolan sitting at the table with cups of tea, Michelle likely having already gone to bed.
“Jesse! Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
Jesse tried to speak but every word that came out was the wrong one. He stopped and shook his head, tears of frustration marring his cheeks. John disregarded the question and ushered the boy inside and up the stairs to his room with, Jesse heard, a quick explanation to his mom and dad.
“No, I don’t know. He didn’t say” was John’s response to their question about why he seemed so upset.
“Well, I’ll call his mother and see if he can stay the night,” Mrs. Nolan offered. Jesse hoped beyond hopes that his mother didn’t yet know.
John returned to Jesse’s side. One look at his concerned features, made all the emotions he’d locked down surge to the surface again. John gathered Jesse in his arms as he broke down and let him cry as Jesse prepared to tell him the whole story.
[Author] dejectedmadness
[Rating] FINALLY NC-17 for boykissing/touching/sexual contact/boysecks!!!
[Chapter Listing] .:1:. .:2:. .:3:. .:4:. .:5:. .:6:. .:7:. .:8:. .:9:. .:10:. 11/?
[Disclaimer] I am posting fanFICTION. Neither the characters nor the ideas belong to me, just the plot specific to this story. No profit is being made off of this fiction, it is being written solely for my entertainment and for the entertainment of others as warped as I am. Don't sue.
[Band/Pairing] Brand New/Straylight Run, Jesse Lacey/Brian Lane, Jesse Lacey/John Nolan
[Summary] Jesse makes a new friend about whom John is not particularly fond for reasons as yet only speculated upon.
[X-Posted] rockinthebed, slashypunkboys, _brand_new_love, lacey_loves_jno
[Author’s Notes] This isn’t intended to be particularly AU, although it is a high school fic, and it has some anachronistic tendencies.
Oh such boy angst! I love emo Jesse! He’s so pretty. Poor, poor boys. I love them too much to watch them suffer for long.
Props to John for knowing Canadian Poetry. He quotes a line from a poem called The Canadian Authors Meet by F.R. Scott. His context is slightly different than what is meant by the poem, but it fit nicely.
“Well, it was easy to hate him on principle. I can’t suddenly do a complete reversal and call him my best friend or anything, but no, I don’t still have a problem with him. He seems nice enough, I guess,” John shrugged, turning his red face away from Jesse.
The boys were sitting on John’s bed with math notes spread in front of them, calculators and pencils in hand, although they weren’t concentrating on trigonometry as much as they were joking around, pleased to be together again. The books were for John’s mother’s benefit, as well as that of her pint-size spy; Michelle kept peeking through John’s door and then running down the hall to tell her mother that her brother and his friend were not doing as much homework as they said they were, and begging her to please let her friend Sharon come over.
“Are you blushing?” Jesse asked with a smirk.
John rolled his eyes and sighed. “I don’t like admitting I was wrong, okay?”
Jesse laughed. “So you’re embarrassed?”
“You’re a jerk sometimes, Jesse,” John muttered, but he was smiling as he said it.
“But you don’t hate him, now?”
“No. He’s not a bad guy. He’s arrogant and annoying, but no more than you are. You’re perfect together.”
Jesse pushed him jokingly. “Do I have to keep him at arm’s length still, then?”
“Huh?”
“Would it bother you to hang out with us both? Together. Because if I have to shuffle my time to accommodate you both, I will, but it would be easier if you’d just agree to hang out with us sometimes.”
“It depends. Are you going to be gross?”
Jesse shoved him again, playfully. “You said we were allowed to be gross!”
John laughed. “Really? That doesn’t sound like me.” Jesse raised an eyebrow at him, at which point John met his eyes, looking somewhat confused himself. “Actually, that’s a lie. That sounds exactly like me.”
“You’re damn right it sounds like you.”
“But only because I want to perv on watching you two fool around,” John commented with a casual glance back down to his book. When he looked back up, Jesse had formed his face into a perfect “O” of shock. John snorted a laugh and shook his head, obviously trying to draw attention away from the renewed redness in his cheeks. “What?”
“You’re not even joking!” Jesse insisted in only partially feigned horror. “John!”
“What?” Jesse didn’t even try to voice his observations, knowing full well that John knew exactly why he was in open-mouthed astonishment. “You should know, now, Jesse, that I like the idea of two guys….”
“Well… yeah, but you hate Brian!”
John shrugged. “No, we’ve been through this. I don’t hate him.” He looked back down at his book, pressing a button on his calculator to clear the screen. “I just don’t like him hogging you all to himself.” His smirk betrayed his jibe. Jesse couldn’t help but blush. It cost him a comeback because John looked up again a second later. “He’s actually pretty hot,” he murmured softly, not quite meeting Jesse’s eyes.
Jesse couldn’t help but laugh at that. For someone that had previously claimed to hate the guy, John was turning around on his former opinions quickly enough. That Jesse knew exactly why, and that John hadn’t stopped teasing him since the previous night should have made him uncomfortable, but he just couldn’t bring himself to feel weird about John flirting with him openly. It was hardly a change from the norm, for them. The differences were subtle: a pause of significance, the absence of inflection, a smirk, a smile, and downcast eyes after an appropriate comment. It all spoke of weight and meaning masked by old jokes. When John teased Jesse, it wasn’t with the same characteristic shy reticence that lingered until Jesse laughed. Jesse’s sexual remarks were no longer met with buoyant mirth, but instead a lopsided smile and the absence of retort. The change was new, but not weird. It felt, if anything, more real, more honest, and he supposed that it was exactly that. John no longer had to hide behind jokes. He was out.
In fact, if Jesse were truthful to himself, the flirting and the easiness between them appealed to him. It felt good. He knew he shouldn’t enjoy having his friend tease him or lust after him- or his boyfriend!- but it gave Jesse a perverse pleasure. He liked that John wanted him. He couldn’t deny, despite Brian, that he was actually kind of attracted to John, too. Jesse knew better, though, than to think that anything would ever happen between he and John, especially not with Brian around.
As odd as it felt to admit it, Brian was growing on him. In the past days, particularly those when Jesse and John were mutually exclusive, Brian became a crutch for Jesse. As the only friend with whom he had contact, Jesse had relied on him for his sanity. Besides becoming more physical in their relationship, their closeness had also grown, in no small part because Brian had worked so fiercely to keep Jesse’s mind off of missing John. It was nice, and Jesse enjoyed being so intimate with someone. This was different from any relationship he’d endured with anyone else in his life, considering it was currently one of the longest ones he’d ever had, and because it was so close to friendship that there was no awkwardness in trying to locate a common ground. The point being that simply the thought of Brian put a smile on Jesse’s face. Considering that he tended not to think of much else, he bore a happy countenance almost all of the time.
“You keep your hands off him. I saw him first; he’s mine,” Jesse cautioned, and although he knew that John wouldn’t even consider trying to steal Brian away, Jesse felt a pang at the thought of Brian leaving him, for whatever reason.
“You can keep him! My arrogant jerk quota is all filled up with Jesse Lacey!” Jesse shoved John again.
“Just because I’m cooler than you….”
“You wish, Jess.”
***
Jesse and John met Shaun at school. They’d returned to their normal behaviour since reconciling. They would meet in the morning, walk to class together, eat lunch together, and annoy the teachers enough to warrant threats of detention, which they were also smart enough to avoid once said threats became more serious.
It was finally Friday, and the boys were making plans for after school. Jesse meant to meet Brian at his locker and had originally planned to go back to Brian’s place, but the addition of John to their posse necessitated a different locale for their after-school adventures; as much as Jesse enjoyed John’s newfound ease around them both, he didn’t like the idea of congregating in Brian’s bedroom where things could get awkward really quickly. They decided, instead, to walk into town, maybe have something to eat, and take it from there. Brian, being absent, had absolutely no say in the matter, but Jesse didn’t think he would mind.
The bell sounded, excusing them from their first period class, and they advanced into the hall laughing and talking animatedly, but the teacher called Jesse back, ordering John ahead to his next class. It was nothing important. She just wanted to caution him on the attention he paid in class, having noticed some severe fluctuations in his attitude in recent weeks. He assured her that he would try to make more of an effort before she would let him go ahead to his next class, struggling through the stream of students that strode through the door to their seats for next period.
Jesse had barely made it to the end of the hall by the time the bell rang again and he cursed, knowing his teacher would probably ask him to obtain a note from the office for being late. He debated simply going to the office to eliminate wasted time, but his thoughts were interrupted when he heard the bang of books against the floor just ahead of him.
“Hey,” a voice said as Jesse approached the corner. “Leave me alone!”
“Pick ‘em up,” ordered a second voice. Jesse recognized it as belonging to one of the football players, a kid with whom he had never had the pleasure of enduring class but who was known throughout the school as a bully and an asshole. He was one of the worst jocks around, Jesse knew. He’d joined the basketball team in freshmen year and witnessed some of his fellow athletes’ difficulties with the boy. For some reason, he had never messed with Jesse. He’d never questioned it and was simply grateful for the blessing.
Jesse rounded the corner as the first boy was bending to gather books and papers from the ground where the bully, Josh, as he recalled, stood watching. When the first kid was on his feet again, Jesse recognized him. Slim and pale with nearly black eyes to match his pitch-dark hair, and unshaven, it was Corey Ashford. He faced off with Josh, probably hoping for him to be the first to leave. Jesse would have been unwilling to turn his back on the guy, too.
No such luck; the jock reached out to slap the pile of books in the kid’s hands back to the floor with a cruel smirk.
“Hey!” Jesse heard himself cry. He hadn’t even thought about it, but he was striding over there, small and skinny, to battle with this behemoth asshole. He grit his teeth and stood his ground. “Leave him alone!”
“Who do you think you are, kid?” the guy asked.
“Doesn’t matter,” Jesse retorted. “You don’t have the right-”
“To pick on a little fag like him? I consider it my duty.” He laughed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why? What are you gonna do about it?”
“Me? Nothing. But the both of us could take you easily. I suggest you leave him alone.”
Corey stood up, books in hand, and stared down the bully side by side with Jesse.
Josh laughed. “This little queer? He’s not gonna defend himself.”
“Josh, why don’t you fuck off!” Corey exclaimed, his voice hardly even shaking.
Josh raised an eyebrow at him, then turned to Jesse. “You heard him,” Jesse said. “Before you get your ass handed to you.”
Unhappily, the jock slapped the books from Corey’s arms once more and strode off, presumably to his next class or to slam his head against a brick wall for the same result.
Jesse watched him go, making sure he was well away from them before he bent to help Corey gather his things. “Hey,” he said softly. “Are you okay?”
“Why don’t you leave me alone and mind your own goddamn business,” the kid muttered.
Jesse stopped, holding out a handful of pages. “I was just trying to help-”
“Well don’t! Just stay away from me!” Corey grabbed the pages from Jesse’s outstretched hands and stormed off in the other direction. Bewildered, the guitarist gathered his own books and headed off to his class.
***
“So? Where to?” Brian asked after the plan had been relayed to him, a smile permanently fixed to his face. It didn’t seem to bother Brian that John was interested in spending time with the both of them, now, but Jesse got the feeling that the other boy wasn’t being completely forthright with him. Brian’s mannerisms were slightly different around John, even now, when Jesse thought that he had simply been uptight because he wanted John to accept him, if not particularly like him. Now that he knew that John had given his blessing, Brian should have been more relaxed around him, but Jesse could sense his unease, and it concerned him.
They decided to take the bus to the nearest mall. Although none of them had any money to spare for CDs or clothes, it was the easiest place to hang out after school, and the food court provided the hungry teenage boys with as much greasy junk as they could possibly crave.
Despite John’s earlier insistence that they feel free to act boyfriendly around him, Jesse was hesitant to so much as grab Brian’s hand. It wasn’t however, just apprehension around John that prevented that level of intimacy, but their discomfort about displaying that sort of affection in such a public place. It was one thing to kiss and touch in the privacy of Brian’s bedroom, but it was something completely different to do it on the bus for the whole world to see. Jesse had never inquired into Brian’s family’s knowledge about his affinity for boys, but he knew very well that if his own family caught him so much as holding hands with another man, that would be the end of not only Jesse’s relationship with Brian, but would also eliminate any manner of social life that Jesse wished to have for the remainder of his youth.
The problem with Jesse’s reticence was that it didn’t live up to expectations when Brian was right beside him. It was difficult not to touch him, casually or otherwise, when he knew that he could, and it was simply his anxiety over getting caught that prevented it. Fortunately, Brian seemed to be having the same problem as Jesse realized when they were on the bus. A hesitant movement and then the internal dilemma of propriety caused Brian’s hand to hover in midair without quite touching Jesse as they stood, close together because of the number of bodies crammed into the relatively small space. Jesse smiled at Brian, unable to help himself, and took the hovering limb, entwining digits in his own. With a quick glance around for anyone who might know them, Jesse pecked a kiss to Brian’s lips.
As they were preoccupied, a voice from beside them huffed and scowled, “Disgusting.”
Jesse’s face fell. He held onto Brian’s hand, but a blush spread across his cheeks.
“Hey!” Jesse was shocked at his best friend’s voice when it blared from beside him. “Have a little fucking respect!” John demanded. The woman who had spoken looked on as though he had grown a second head. She snorted, a look of derision colouring her features in a surly shade of intolerance. “We’re not hurting anyone. We’re minding our own business, so why don’t you keep your comments to yourself.”
Jesse blinked at John whose face was contorted in a way that Jesse had never seen. The boy was utterly focused on the woman before him with the sour lips and nose high in the air. She was not swayed.
“People like you will drag this country down to hell with you! That is a sin against God.” She shook her head, turning to face forward again, as if she would actually mind her own business.
“People like you hold this country back! You promote oppression and discrimination against people who only want the same rights and freedoms as you take for granted every day. God does not condone hate. God is love, and God is freedom. We will ascend to His gates long before he ever lets a bitch like you catch a glimpse of His divinity.”
Affronted, her mouth gaped. Jesse couldn’t help but do the same. He had never heard his friend so belligerent or so passionate.
The woman snarled, “You and your friends are going straight to hell!”
“You’ll be lucky to ever glimpse the kind of love and happiness that they share. You ever wonder why no one married you?” Jesse noticed, as John had drawn attention to the fact, that the woman’s ring finger was bare. “Because you’re a pompous, pious bitch. Take a good look, now, lady, because the closest you’re going to find to love like this runs on double As.”
If John hadn’t decided that it was a good time to get off the bus, Jesse would have pulled the bell himself. They all hopped off at the next stop, Jesse and Brian avoiding the looks of everyone on the bus while John stared down the woman until she looked away and the bus pulled forward.
“Jesus, John! What was that all about?” Jesse exclaimed.
The boy was obviously too worked up to feel bashful, yet, about his outburst. “I just fucking hate intolerance! Just because some retard decided that he didn’t like the idea of two guys in love and he happened to be high up in the church, suddenly it’s a huge fucking sin. Well it isn’t! It never was! I don’t believe that God would tell us that love, any kind of love, is wrong! It isn’t hurting anyone, you know? I’m sick of people who think they’re better than you just because they prefer cock. ‘Virgins of sixty who still write of passion;’ who are they to dictate what love is and what love should be?”
Jesse stared at John as the boy morosely glared at his shoes until the boy’s face began to redden. “John,” he said letting go of Brian’s hand to sling an arm around his friend, “I love you.”
***
They caught the next bus the rest of the way to the mall. The rest of the afternoon was spent scouring the music store for anything new and exciting. John picked out ten albums that he wanted to buy, but put them all back in favour of forgoing the act of narrowing down his options, intending instead to spend his cash on French fries.
They took the bus back home, again, at around six, parting ways when Jesse and Brian got off at the stop nearest to Brian’s place and John rode a little further to his house. Jesse had had the foresight to bring a change of clothes with him, since he had known beforehand that they would be going out after school. He didn’t want to look like the prim and proper catholic schoolboy he was. He lounged in Brian’s room with him in a pair of loose jeans and a long sleeved white t-shirt under his navy golf shirt. It was much more comfortable than a stiff white button down top and blue slacks.
“I like the tie, though,” Brian complained while trying to distract Jesse from the homework he was pretending to do by settling his head in Jesse’s lap. “It looks so suave and-”
“I wear the tie all day. It’s tight and annoying. And it gets caught in drawers and doors and-”
“And if you were wearing it, I could pull you down here to kiss you. Instead, I have to just hope that my puppy-dog eyes and pretty face are lures enough.”
Jesse laughed and bent over to touch Brian’s lips with his. “Just… get your mom to let you transfer schools or something. Then you can take advantage of the tie all day.”
Brian grimaced. “Like I want to wear that uniform every damn day! I just want to see you in it, don’t punish me for that!”
Jesse rolled his eyes. “How am I going to get any of this math homework done with you distracting me?” he complained as much to change the subject as to remind Brian that there were many more interesting endeavours on which they could fix their attentions than algebra.
It worked. Brian grabbed the pencil in Jesse’s hand and threw it across the room. It bounced off the wall and disappeared under the bed.
“Hey!” Jesse protested, but Brian wasn’t finished. He lifted the binder from his boyfriend’s lap and closed it deliberately, dropping it beside the bed. “Wait-”
Brian didn’t let him finish. He leaned up from his position of comfort and accosted the guitarist’s mouth, putting a stop to any declaration or opposition that he could have voiced. Gently, he maneuvered the other boy backward until Jesse was flat on his back with Brian stretched out at a ninety-degree angle to him, kissing him sideways.
Jesse laughed when Brian released him. “I have actual studying to do, you know.”
“You’re studying,” Brian countered. “Chemistry.” He winked. Jesse rolled his eyes. “Religion, too, because I’m a God.” Jesse wished he’d saved his eye-roll for the occasion of that declaration, because really, it was the worst yet. “And the most important: physical education.”
Jesse barked a laugh. “Alright, professor Lane. Teach me all about it.”
Brian smirked. He rose up on his elbows and moved to straddle Jesse’s waist. “I’d be happy to,” he agreed as Jesse laughed.
Brian lifted Jesse’s shirts up. He raised his head from the bed so that his boyfriend could remove the offensive garments and cast them to the floor. Jesse was not inclined to be the only one wearing so little. He helped the other boy disrobe, also.
“First,” he said, when Jesse was comfortable under him on the bed, “there’s this.” Brian trailed a finger down Jesse’s neck. “It’s your Adam’s apple. It doesn’t have a particular use except for me to lick it,” he did just that, “to make your heart,” he touched Jesse’s chest with a flat palm, “speed up and your breath,” he breathed into Jesse’s mouth, “get heavier.” Jesse tried to kiss him, but Brian moved away quickly. His head fell back against the bed. “And here,” he trailed the same finger down the centre of the boy’s chest, “is your sternum. It’s the line that separates this,” he licked Jesse’s nipple,” from this,” he licked the other one. Jesse moaned a little when the second lick became more of a caress followed by a suck and eventually a tug. “Also useful in increased heart and breathing rates.” Jesse huffed a small laugh. “And it leads, in the most direct path between two points, from the first article, to the last.” To punctuate what he meant, Brian pressed his hips downward into Jesse’s.
“Oh,” Jesse moaned more loudly.
“But!” Brian sat up. “We’re not there, yet.”
Jesse gave a heavy exhalation. Brian really was the best kind of tease. The other boy smiled and apologized by kissing Jesse softly, tongue flicking at his lips until they parted to give him entrance. His talented lips kept Jesse on his toes for a span of at least a few minutes, until the game had been forgotten, at least. Finally he retreated, much to Jesse’s annoyance.
“First, there’s this,” he shuffled down to trace the circle of Jesse’s bellybutton with his tongue. He shuddered at the sensation of Brian’s slick muscle wriggling around that circle. He hadn’t fully appreciated how much of an erogenous zone the spot was for him until that moment. If he hadn’t been fully erect before, he definitely was, now. “Apparently, it’s a horny-switch. Once I turn it on, you can’t stop panting and writhing,” Brian observed. His eyes sparkled up at Jesse.
“You’re a tease,” Jesse admonished.
Brian crawled up his torso again, lips brushing key sensitive locations along Jesse’s torso as he went, until he could lock his lips to Jesse’s again. “It’s only teasing if I don’t intend to follow through,” he offered as a correction. His smile told Jesse that that was exactly what he meant to do.
Impatient as ever, Jesse caught his boyfriend’s face in his hands and demanded a kiss. Brian eagerly thrust his tongue between Jesse’s lips, and testimony to his suggestion a moment before, his hand snaked between them to flick open Jesse’s fly.
“Oh, Brian,” Jesse whispered when he felt fingertips brush him through his boxers. He didn’t wait for a response, though, and pulled Brian back into a kiss made of tongues and teeth and lust.
Just then, a knock sounded on the door, but the person behind it didn’t wait long enough for the lovers to jump apart before opening the door with a question on her tongue. “Brian, is Jesse sleeping- oh! Oh my God!”
Brian launched himself off Jesse, backing away from the bed with a look of horror painted across his face. His startled mother backed out of the room and closed the door behind her. Her hurried footsteps thudded down the stairs.
“Oh fuck! Oh fuck!” Brian whispered, sitting down to put his head in his hands. Jesse offered Brian his shirt from the floor. He didn’t know what to say, because “Hey, it’ll be okay,” sounded like an empty promise. Jesse knew exactly what would happen if he had been caught in the same situation in his house. His mother would run back down the stairs in mortification, considering all the different ways her son would burn in hell, wondering what she had done wrong, all before telling, amidst sobs, Jesse’s fath-
“Brian!” Boomed a voice from downstairs. “You have ten seconds to get down here and explain yourself!”
Brian looked at Jesse, eyes wide in terror until the man hollered the first number. He leapt up from the chair, donning a shirt, quickly, and tore from the room leaving Jesse standing there in bewilderment.
He went through the motions of putting his things away. He tucked the pencil, located from beneath the bed, and his binder into his backpack. He gathered his jacket from the floor, but it was all for naught. He knew he would have to go downstairs, too, to face the heat.
“This kind of abomination,” Brian’s father was yelling when Jesse arrived in the kitchen, “will not happen in my house! Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir,” Brian agreed meekly, his head bowed as he sat at the table. Jesse set his backpack and jacket next to the door. He had no misconceptions about whether he would be welcome to stay after this. As soon as he took his share of the blame, he would be asked to hightail it out of there.
“I am disgusted with you, Brian! Disgusted! You should know better! We taught you better!”
“You did, sir. I’m sorry, sir,” Brian agreed, not glancing up.
“Where did you get this godforsaken idea from? From television? From that god-awful music?”
“No, sir, nothing like that!” Brian declared, daring to raise his head. This was the point at which he finally noticed Jesse standing in the doorway. The diversion of his attention drew his father, too, to the appearance of his accomplice in sexual deviancy.
“You!” He stormed over to Jesse, who took a step back, intimidated. “I’m shocked, Jesse, that a nice catholic boy like you could have been swayed by the devil! You know, no doubt, what you’ve done is wrong? It’s an abomination under God?”
“Y-yes, sir,” Jesse agreed, taking direction from Brian’s meek responses.
“You’d best seek a church, boy! And get gone from here!”
“I’m sorry, sir. I really am. I never meant-”
“That’s enough from you! I want you out! Out of my house!” he yelled, pointing toward the door. Jesse stumbled backward in a hurry to follow directions. “And I don’t want to see you around here again! Don’t you come near my boy!”
Jesse stopped. “But sir-”
“Out! Get out!” Mr. Lane strode forward as though if Jesse didn’t mean to let himself out, he would do it for him. Jesse pulled on his shoes without tying them up. He didn’t even put his jacket on; he just grabbed it and his bag and fled.
***
As Jesse walked the streets, the darkness and cold surrounding him began to seep inside. His mind was blissfully blank of original thought as he headed toward home. Brian’s father’s yell and his mother’s shocked shriek rang in his ears as he replayed the event. How had they been so careless as to leave the door unlocked?
That had been his first original thought, blaming carelessness. It took a long time of consideration before Jesse came to terms with what had occurred. He’d been thrown out of Brian’s house because they’d been caught fooling around on Brian’s bed. Two boys, fooling around, getting caught, and a pair of parents having the obligatory freak-out: that was what had just happened. Jesse felt numb inside. That was, until he thought of the consequences.
Brian would be grounded, probably for weeks. He’d probably lost all band-privileges. He would likely get yelled at for the rest of the night. From what Jesse had seen of his father, Brian would probably be too distraught to get much sleep that night; Jesse knew he wouldn’t.
Never come around again, that was what he’d been instructed. He was never to go by Brian’s place, no more long nights sitting up talking until the sun shone through the blinds, no more lazy Sundays jamming with him, and no more band practice with the Rookie Lot, as it was held at Brian’s house. Jesse knew without a doubt that if Brian’s father ever saw him again, he would be in more trouble than he could consider right then.
He knew, though, that it was no less than what Brian would have endured had his parents caught them, instead. Had the situation been reversed, Jesse wouldn’t see outside of a confessional for the next three months! He’d be lectured every night at dinner, in front of everyone. He’d never be able to go see John. They would definitely forbid Brian from ever coming back. Jesse’s life as he knew it would be effectively over. Hell, his parents wouldn’t stop there. They would call Brian’s parents, too. They’d make sure that he shared the blame and got the same punishment. There would be no chance of Jesse saying he was at John’s only to disappear to Brian’s for the weekend, not with both sets of parents aware of what deviants their sons were.
Jesse stopped in the street. He hadn’t considered that. He hardly knew the first thing about Brian’s parents, rarely associating with them outside of dinner-table-conversation. How did he know their reaction wouldn’t be exactly the same as Jesse’s parents’? What if they had called? What if they’d phoned Jesse’s mother as soon as Jesse was out the door?
“Oh, no,” he whispered to the empty street. He couldn’t go home, not if that was waiting for him!
He stopped at a bus shelter, stepped inside to sit on the bench rather than have his shaking legs deposit him on the ground in the middle of the sidewalk. It was there, as the shock wore off and Jesse realized the severity of the circumstances, he broke down.
Jesse covered his face with his hands, his distress came out in heavy sobs. He couldn’t go back to Brian’s, not ever, and he certainly couldn’t return home, not if his parents knew, for they would concoct far worse punishments for him there than he could imagine right now. Talk about getting caught with his pants down!
Jesse hiccupped and tried to dry his face, but he couldn’t, the tears came too strongly, too thick with dread for him to wipe them away.
A sound alerted him, and he looked up. He jumped from his seat, grabbing the bag and rushed outside his little hut to the bus that had stopped there. He fished through pockets for change and dropped the fare into the machine.
Three stops later, he morosely dredged himself up from his seat and disembarking, he started down the block to the lighted window with the familiar red Honda parked out front and the crooked mailbox at the end of the driveway. John answered the door cheerfully until light glinted off Jesse’s face from the interior of the house where the distraught boy could see Mr. and Mrs. Nolan sitting at the table with cups of tea, Michelle likely having already gone to bed.
“Jesse! Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
Jesse tried to speak but every word that came out was the wrong one. He stopped and shook his head, tears of frustration marring his cheeks. John disregarded the question and ushered the boy inside and up the stairs to his room with, Jesse heard, a quick explanation to his mom and dad.
“No, I don’t know. He didn’t say” was John’s response to their question about why he seemed so upset.
“Well, I’ll call his mother and see if he can stay the night,” Mrs. Nolan offered. Jesse hoped beyond hopes that his mother didn’t yet know.
John returned to Jesse’s side. One look at his concerned features, made all the emotions he’d locked down surge to the surface again. John gathered Jesse in his arms as he broke down and let him cry as Jesse prepared to tell him the whole story.