(no subject)
Well world. Life sucks.
And right now. It's okay.
I mean, hey I lost a couple friends, and i gained a couple.
Lost:
Megan
Devon
Gained:
George
and "Mr. Pointy"
no, not a stake. [only the buffy fans will understand]
But yeah.
I don't know. Right now I'm just trying my best not to worry about things. Life is a crappy place but sometimes that's just the way it is. I don't understand it and i'm not sure how many other people do. Still.
Yesterday, for the most part was good.
I decided that i was not going to smoke up, because everyone is mad enough at me anyways. Me Jenna and Ayden went to "Hitch".such a funny movie. ahaha.
Uhhh..what else. Then Cristy-Ann came and picked us up. We drove to..Winnipeg street because we missed the turn on Albert, and we decided that she wanted to go and pick up her stuff from Jeff. So, me, the ass I am, acted like an ass, only this time. People actually laughed. Then I went to Jeffs, they have the CUTEST puppy ever [Ask Ashley on Monday about it :| so cute] Then, we got the puzzles, and then we drove to Blockbuster, returned the movies and took Jenna home, then me and Ayden went to my hosue..watched "Harold and Kumar...." Then we looked for what was on T.V.
Yeah. All love movies.
We watched:
"Sleepless In Seattle"
"Ever After"
"Mad Love"
Mad Love is an AMAZING MOVIE.
ACK.
but yeah.
He went home around 1-1:30..
It was good..I kept falling asleep. I felt bad. But he said it was okay.
I have a pretty good idea that nothings going to happen. So I'm giving up, and that's okay. I've decided that stuff doesn't need to happen anymore. I don't need someone. I want someone but I can live with that.
[Bill, you know those things I used for your initials at my grandmas?..Where can you buy those?]
mmm coke.
So, in the past two days I have eaten::
1 Frozen Yogurt.
Popcorn YUM!
and
...10? Watermelon things.
and
1 can of coke.
I'm not hungry at all!
I actually like this.
I'm starting to like being underweight.
I think i'm still 100 lbs, so I just think i'll eat a little, not too much and then I'll make it under there. I'll probably get really sick, but..that's okay. It's not as if I haven't been before.
Maybe i'll become anorexic..not belemic. I couldn't do that.
I'm fucking up my life, why not make it that much worse?
It's my decisions.
Yes okay there wrong.
Maybe suicide isn't the answer.
That's okay.
No one is perfect.
But yeah.
Suicide, no it's not a good thing. Actually it's a really bad thing thatI shouldn't be thinking about. But I do, that's the way my mind thinks. I love myself. Just the way I am. I'm okay with me. Sometimes I hate myself, but just, I don't know. If I was someone else, I wouldn't want to be friends with me. That's why I love myself that much.
I called the Kids help line thing.. That was good. I talked to them about what was going on. The man was really nice. He just told me that if this is the way my friends respound to my feelings, that I shouldn't tell them that much more. Feeling that little isnt helped much by getting yelled and lectured at. He told me to talk to Jenna and Ayden more because he says that it's better to talk to someone who can help you rather then yell at you.
He also told me I shouldn't spend as much time on the computer. I'm going to actually try that.
No more computer that much.
Uhh..hmm.
Well, we're heading over to Stef's house.
Sorry I couldn't find the X-men movies. I have no idea where I put them.
I'm really sorry you guys that I'm not who you want me to be. I understand that you are worried about me about the situations i'm in. I'm okay though. Please don't worry about me. There's nothing that makes me feel worse is to know that you are wasting your fear on something so insignificant as me. I am okay. I will be okay. Life isn't "sunshine and kittens" and i'm sorry to have ruined your guys's with my mess of one.