(no subject)
Maybe it's the what's tearing at my heart, the jealousy, the feeling of loneliness, the red.
Maybe it's the thought of leaving.
It's here. Summer. Grad.
It's when you become free right? No. Happy? Far from.
How safe it feels to feel safe. Leaving a environment that you can depend on. The fear of exposing my feelings to her only to be hurt once again.
How utterly pathetic and cowardly we are.
The thought of my future being shaped by everyone but myself. Allowing that to happen.
The thought of every obligation linking together like fetters chaining me to the dead-weight life I never wanted to encumbered with.
Never felt like you don't belong? Not on a minor scale, to the point that you think you're in the wrong time period.
Never wanted to cry at the bittersweet irony of life, sitting in your biology teacher's car listening to a cd about evolution being dictated by a computer?
Occured, the thought of the hidden effort and constant thoughts I give only to be let down and labelled what I am.
Occured, the events that turn[ed] me into the wreck that I am, that I attempt to wildly tame for appearance.
Maybe the thought never occured.
As I got up from the dock, I sank to my knees at the irony, the answer - the one named the true companion, feels the most dejected and the only one I can blame is myself.