(no subject)
What most parents want for their kid is to be happy.. at least that's what I would've thought and what I gather when I observe other families around me, and what I would want for them if I was ever a parent. Mine, on the other hand seem to want what makes them happy. Never has it occurred to them that maybe what I'm doing makes me happy, but nevermind that because it brings shame to the family all because I don't have a University degree that makes bread for them to roll around in and boast about to other asian families. Go fuck yourselves, both of you. I'd rather be an orphan than have parents like you that dictate every angle of my life. I'm so over sacrificing my own well-being to appease you. And I'm sure from the outsider's point of view, I sound like the ungrateful fucked-up one, but I have never been one to care what others think because I'm done explaining. This is how shit will be and it is what it is. I thought after 18, this angst would disappear, but here we are almost 10 years later and I look back and realize that it's all a fucking pipedream to think things would just gel over like that in this dysfunctional family. I no longer what to live this way with the things they do for me being hung over my head as a guilt measure nor can I take anymore of their negative reinforcement to make me "strong." The day I do make something of myself, I will write them a huge check to disown me. I will no longer burden them or be in their debt. Some big changes are coming ahead.. I don't know where it will lead me, but at least it won't be here.