Right and left.
“But I love you Kibum!”
“But I don’t.” His stony, cold reply, concealing the hammering, blistering pain within him.
“You do! Y-you said you did!” He felt the boy falter. It pained him, it pained him so, knowing that the stammer signaled another blow, possibly a fatal blow, to his hyung’s already fragile self-confidence. A self-confidence he had helped to build painstakingly, over months, never once thinking that in time to come, he would be the one bringing it crashing back to the ground. Or lower.
The confession months ago was first met with self-doubt: how could anyone ever love him?
But the unwavering sincerity and persistence soon convinced the older that Kibum meant what he had said.
And he had watched, with indulgent smiles, as Jinki blossomed. He watched as the boy grew more confident, more assured, finally accepting that someone could love him, blundering and stumbling as he might be.
He would conceal smiles with the back of his hand, or by quickly looking down, when he saw the boy strut and swagger on stage to the booming introductory beats of Lucifer. At times, Jinki would even throw a sly, mischievous glance, or on days he was feeling particularly confident, a wink, in his direction, and he had to do all he could not to burst out laughing from the sheer joy that seemed to overwhelm him, not to run towards him and envelop Jinki in the tightest embrace, so time could stop, just like that.
And he felt his own heart swell with each time he saw the sparkle in Jinki’s eyes, each smile cast his way, which spoke of infinite love and promises of eternity.
But they were no longer smiles he could call his anymore.
He regretted every single moment of this.
If he had seen this day coming, he would never have done any of this.
How cruel the boy must think he is. To have him think for once that he was desirable, that someone could love him - Lee Jinki, for all his beauty and all his flaws. And then to tell him the next instant, shake him abruptly from the beauty of everything around him, to tell him the past few months were merely a dream he had to wake up from; more precisely, a living nightmare from this moment on.
He tried his best to soften the blow.
“I-I did. But it’s better that we both go separate ways from now on.”
They say when you cry, if the first tear falls from your right eye, they are happy tears, whereas if the first tears flows from your left eye, they are tears of painful sadness.
At that very moment, Kibum couldn’t decide what exactly he was feeling. He felt the sour, painful clenching of his heart. But at the same time, his lips curled to give a heartfelt smile.
He wanted nothing but happiness for the other boy.
He wanted Jinki to experience nothing but the best there could be, the best he could give him.
Even if the best meant having to leave him.
He continued smiling, wincing a little as the stony fist clenched at his throbbing heart at intervals, as though to stifle it, suffocate it, never let it beat, ever again. He felt streams of tears growing down both his left and right cheek, at the same time; but he continued smiling through those tears.
They became streams of what seemed like neverending tears.
Tears which couldn’t stop forming, and couldn’t stop falling.
Sad, yet happy. Happy, yet sad.
Pain intermingled with joy.
Love interspersed with cruelty.
Such bittersweet tears.
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this is dedicated to black_wind123 because you wanted an onkey and my inspiration earlier on was all just for jongkey/minkey - and bam! inspiration! i hope you like it!
also, i need everyone's help with 2 polls im doing because im not sure about the characters i'll be featuring in future works. so i would really appreciate if you guys could vote in the poll - let me know who you want to see more of/read more about! =) thank you!
“But I don’t.” His stony, cold reply, concealing the hammering, blistering pain within him.
“You do! Y-you said you did!” He felt the boy falter. It pained him, it pained him so, knowing that the stammer signaled another blow, possibly a fatal blow, to his hyung’s already fragile self-confidence. A self-confidence he had helped to build painstakingly, over months, never once thinking that in time to come, he would be the one bringing it crashing back to the ground. Or lower.
The confession months ago was first met with self-doubt: how could anyone ever love him?
But the unwavering sincerity and persistence soon convinced the older that Kibum meant what he had said.
And he had watched, with indulgent smiles, as Jinki blossomed. He watched as the boy grew more confident, more assured, finally accepting that someone could love him, blundering and stumbling as he might be.
He would conceal smiles with the back of his hand, or by quickly looking down, when he saw the boy strut and swagger on stage to the booming introductory beats of Lucifer. At times, Jinki would even throw a sly, mischievous glance, or on days he was feeling particularly confident, a wink, in his direction, and he had to do all he could not to burst out laughing from the sheer joy that seemed to overwhelm him, not to run towards him and envelop Jinki in the tightest embrace, so time could stop, just like that.
And he felt his own heart swell with each time he saw the sparkle in Jinki’s eyes, each smile cast his way, which spoke of infinite love and promises of eternity.
But they were no longer smiles he could call his anymore.
He regretted every single moment of this.
If he had seen this day coming, he would never have done any of this.
How cruel the boy must think he is. To have him think for once that he was desirable, that someone could love him - Lee Jinki, for all his beauty and all his flaws. And then to tell him the next instant, shake him abruptly from the beauty of everything around him, to tell him the past few months were merely a dream he had to wake up from; more precisely, a living nightmare from this moment on.
He tried his best to soften the blow.
“I-I did. But it’s better that we both go separate ways from now on.”
They say when you cry, if the first tear falls from your right eye, they are happy tears, whereas if the first tears flows from your left eye, they are tears of painful sadness.
At that very moment, Kibum couldn’t decide what exactly he was feeling. He felt the sour, painful clenching of his heart. But at the same time, his lips curled to give a heartfelt smile.
He wanted nothing but happiness for the other boy.
He wanted Jinki to experience nothing but the best there could be, the best he could give him.
Even if the best meant having to leave him.
He continued smiling, wincing a little as the stony fist clenched at his throbbing heart at intervals, as though to stifle it, suffocate it, never let it beat, ever again. He felt streams of tears growing down both his left and right cheek, at the same time; but he continued smiling through those tears.
They became streams of what seemed like neverending tears.
Tears which couldn’t stop forming, and couldn’t stop falling.
Sad, yet happy. Happy, yet sad.
Pain intermingled with joy.
Love interspersed with cruelty.
Such bittersweet tears.
web counter
-
this is dedicated to black_wind123 because you wanted an onkey and my inspiration earlier on was all just for jongkey/minkey - and bam! inspiration! i hope you like it!
also, i need everyone's help with 2 polls im doing because im not sure about the characters i'll be featuring in future works. so i would really appreciate if you guys could vote in the poll - let me know who you want to see more of/read more about! =) thank you!