European History somewhere around 1936-1939 and why it is merrily tromping all over my life....
My life is currently a series of events that can be best described as appeasement. As most people know appeasement was the policy of Britain toward Hitler before WWII. It was done because nobody wanted another war, nobody wanted more death and mayhem, and most of all nobody had the bus fare to ship a large army to the nearest battlefield. Currently I have enough bus fare to be able to ship myself, and a good stock of wine, to Salma Hayeks' Bedroom. But enough of my fantasies and back to the harsh reality of Appeasement. Having recently ended my almost 3 year relationship, but at the same time attempting to maintain a friendship, people have noticed an increase in my alcohol consumption, an increase in my spare time, and an increase in my young lady consumption. Appeasement is maintaining the illusion that I am still adrift at sea when my Ex is at the bar, never letting her know that I have sailed by many different lands, and/or islands, since our Bon Voyage. It's not fair when an intriguingly shaped peninsula (That appears unexplored might I add) suddenly disappears off the horizon when the Ex steams into view. Don't get me wrong, I like her (A lot to be honest.) But I believe Neville Chamberlain did not have the right idea when he confidently stated: "I have in my hand a piece of paper."
I am currently holding that piece of paper and it states: "Trying to hide your womanizing ways from an Ex is futile and stupid. Why not give her part of your apartment as lebensraum to keep her happy." I know I only seem to write in this journal when I am drunk, yabbering on about my love life, or both. Currently it's both. One of my wine reps had a deal on some really nice Napa Merlot, so I am nicely smashed with a firm oaky tannin coating to my cheeks. Anyway back to the failing appeasement policy. At some point she must be confronted with the truth about my avid exploration of foreign petite archipelagos, but from a long way away and before she invades Poland.
On an unrelated note, I have decided that should I ever attempt to conquer the world by force I will never fight a Russian land war in winter. There was a conclusion to all of this rambling, but damned if I can remember what it was. Something about having Ex's not visiting you at work, or not working to visit your Ex. Either way, I've done both and recommend neither. So onto the easy part of the entry....
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
"Once you've tried it in front of an audience a couple of times you'll realize that it's perfectly safe."- Scams and Fantasies with Cards by Darwin Ortiz.
Although it could just as easily have been "Liontaming for Dummies."
"A circus gang-bang with the midget eunuchs."
"Public Speaking for the exceedingly shy."
"How to discreetly light your farts in a public elevator."
"Naked Urban Hangliding for beginners."
I am currently holding that piece of paper and it states: "Trying to hide your womanizing ways from an Ex is futile and stupid. Why not give her part of your apartment as lebensraum to keep her happy." I know I only seem to write in this journal when I am drunk, yabbering on about my love life, or both. Currently it's both. One of my wine reps had a deal on some really nice Napa Merlot, so I am nicely smashed with a firm oaky tannin coating to my cheeks. Anyway back to the failing appeasement policy. At some point she must be confronted with the truth about my avid exploration of foreign petite archipelagos, but from a long way away and before she invades Poland.
On an unrelated note, I have decided that should I ever attempt to conquer the world by force I will never fight a Russian land war in winter. There was a conclusion to all of this rambling, but damned if I can remember what it was. Something about having Ex's not visiting you at work, or not working to visit your Ex. Either way, I've done both and recommend neither. So onto the easy part of the entry....
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
"Once you've tried it in front of an audience a couple of times you'll realize that it's perfectly safe."- Scams and Fantasies with Cards by Darwin Ortiz.
Although it could just as easily have been "Liontaming for Dummies."
"A circus gang-bang with the midget eunuchs."
"Public Speaking for the exceedingly shy."
"How to discreetly light your farts in a public elevator."
"Naked Urban Hangliding for beginners."