[One-Shot] Perfume (JunDa, RyoDa)
Title: Perfume
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: JunDa, RyoDa
Disclaimer: I only own the plot~ (wish I owned the boys >_>)
Summary: That single scent that was there all the way through- the meeting, the loving, the parting and the heartbreak- comes back to haunt him just when he thought he’d gotten over him. (sucky summary, I know, but I’m no good at not giving away the plot xD)
A/N: inspired by body lotion I was scared to use up because I loved it so much and hadn’t seen that brand anywhere else… and then my mom refilled it :D
...That smell… is it…? The man spins quickly in the bookstore, seeking out the source of the fragrance. He spots the other: same slender frame, same delicate-looking hands, reaching out for a familiar book, but different hair-long, loose and black now, curling over his shoulders- and the forearm extending past the short sleeve looks harder, stronger than before. Junnosuke’s heart clenches painfully at the sight of the gentle, nostalgic smile that graces Tatsuya’s face as he pulls the book-the first book Junnosuke ever gave him- toward him. Junnosuke wants to call out, say something, catch Tatsuya’s shoulder, anything, but someone else bumps Tatsuya’s shoulder, knocking him from his daze, and the slender man sets the book back on the shelf again. Yet, his fingers linger on the spine of the book, almost longingly. At least, that’s what Junnosuke would like to think, but he can’t even see Tatsuya’s face clearly from here. Do I go to him? Do I call out? What would I say, besides, “I’m sorry,” all over again? Would he get mad if I told him his new look makes him look more beautiful?
Ueda Tatsuya’s phone chimes once and he pulls it hurriedly from his pocket, a brighter smile stretching over his face, lighting up his eyes as the screen blinks some message. He types a brief reply and, without looking back at their book, he rushes from the store. Junnosuke’s hand that just a second ago was ready to reach out falls to his side, clenched into a fist. Something in his chest aches horribly and he bites his lip, sets his shounen manga on a shelf and exits the store. The soft fragrance is gone and the sweetness that a mere minute ago made Junnosuke’s heart soar burns his lungs. Just remembering it- some cheap hand lotion Tatsuya always carried around that Junnosuke used to lovingly tease him smelt like a girl’s and clashes with his Gackt-fan rocker-look- can almost bring tears to his eyes even now.
“Ryo! You’re back early!”
Junnosuke whips around again, just to see some short, dark man smile widely at Tatsuya and hug him around the shoulders. To anyone else, it would look like two friends, but Junnosuke sees the brush of the man’s fingers down Tatsuya’s arms and the way they stand just a little too close together. The man has a friendly, laughing smile that feels like he’s almost embarrassed. The man’s smile flashes white teeth a little goofily, a little crookedly. His pitch-black hair is worn a little long and combed perfectly into place but in a casual style. The man’s whole appearance is simple and somehow mysterious.
The stranger, Ryo, seems to feel someone staring and looks up, lips slightly parted and eyes wide in a drowsy, almost puppy-like expression. Junnosuke quickly turns away and heads in the other direction.
“Ryo? What is it?” Tatsuya turns in time to spot Junnosuke’s retreating back. He shivers at the shock of sudden loneliness through his chest. For the briefest second, Tatsuya feels a rush of panic, of fear, seeing the tall man getting farther and farther away… “Don’t leave me… not again…” he whispers ever so softly. He can’t help it- his voice is acting on its own, again, like his heart and its stupid spluttering beat.
“I just thought someone was… Hime? Did you say something? Hime?” Ryo waves a hand in front of Tatsuya’s face, bringing the elder back.
“Sorry, what did you say?” he blinks almost owlishly at Ryo.
Ryo chuckles fondly at him, tilts his head just a little and ruffles Tatsuya’s immaculate hair, making the other pout, puff-cheeked, at him. “It was nothing,” Ryo says. “I just thought I felt someone staring. Anyway, let’s go home, I’m tired!” he whines.
Tatsuya laughs at Ryo’s suddenly childish actions. “Alright, alright. But I don’t really have much for dinner…”
“I should hope not, I don’t quite trust you in my kitchen yet.”
“Baka!” Ueda smacks his shoulder and they head off for the trains.
Tatsuya and Ryo enter their shared apartment and Tatsuya calls a, “We’re home!” and his retriever Eli trots up to the door excitedly. When she sees Ryo’s home, her tail wags doubly fast and she gives a short not-quite-bark and tries to lick his face.
“Eli, down!” Ryo chuckles, catching the dog mid-jump. He kneels in the hall and rubs her ears and neck down and she butts her head against his chest.
“Eli, don’t jump up! Come on, let’s go to the living room!” Junnosuke called with a laugh.
“She really likes you; guess you’re not so bad after all,” Tatsuya smirked at the kicked-puppy look Junnosuke gave him.
“Uepi! What does that mean?”
Tatsuya doesn’t know whether to smile or cry at the memory. He chooses neither, in the end, settling for forcing his face to remain straight and bringing the groceries to the kitchen. He’s just standing after putting away the last of the stuff-beers, of course- when arms wrap around his waist and Ryo nuzzles his neck from behind. “Mmm… you smell great, as usual. Of course, I still don’t understand why you stick to that sakura-scented lotion: if you hate being called ‘girly’ and ‘cute,’ why don’t you go for a more masculine scent?” Tatsuya can feel Ryo’s chuckle rumbling comfortingly against his back. “I mean, I can’t even go flower-viewing without getting a hard-on anymore, you know,” he adds.
Tatsuya’s weary, lonely expression turns bright and he laughs and turns around in Ryo’s grip. “I’ll bet girls wouldn’t smell this great wearing this stuff anyway,” he teases with a quirky smile. “Besides, I guess I’m used to this one now. I’ve always worn it…” he thinks he does a pretty good job of hiding the tremor in his voice, this time.
Yet still, Ryo catches it. He frowns and takes Tatsuya’s arm from around his waist and kisses his palm, eyes closed, breathing in the perfume of Tatsuya’s wrist. “’Always,’ huh?” he whispers against the elder’s skin.
Tatsuya twists his arm and lifts Ryo’s chin, leans in to steal a kiss. “It’s nothing,” he murmurs against his boyfriend’s lips.
“Junno? Oooii… Junno? Junno, you lost that round…” Koki tries to bring his friend-and roommate- back to reality.
“Huh? Oh, sorry. I-I’m feeling a little tired. I think I’ll turn in early tonight…” he stands as if in a daze and retreats to his room.
Yuichi pops his head out of the kitchen where he’s making them coffee. “None for Junno, I guess? What’s up with him? He’s been spaced-out and gloomy all day since he got back.”
Koki shrugs, frowning. “I dunno…” he stands and knocks softly on Junnosuke’s door. Hearing nothing, he goes in a little hesitantly, only to see Junnosuke standing over his night-table with something small in his hand. Koki walks up and sees a small bottle of lotion, almost empty but for maybe a half-centimetre on the bottom. Sakura scented hand-lotion? “An ex-girlfirend’s?” he asks.
Junnosuke starts, instinctively hiding the small bottle. “W-what?”
Koki doesn’t know what to make of Junnosuke’s pale face and tear-bright eyes, not to mention his defeated posture earlier. “I already saw it,” he says. “The lotion, is it an ex-girlfriend’s?”
Junnosuke looks away, wraps the small bottle in a scarf Koki’s never seen the man wear and stuffs it away in his drawer. “No, it’s not like that…” he mumbles.
Koki smiles a little, sympathetically. He slings an arm over Junnosuke’s shoulders. “It’s okay, man, I know how it is sometimes- she leaves too soon or leaves you hanging after-”
“I-It wasn’t like that!”
Koki’s voice dies away at the intensity of his friend’s voice, the violence of the denial, the desperate tremor at the end. Junnosuke shudders away from Koki and away from his grip and sits on the bed, head in his hands and elbows on his knees. “J-Junno…?”
“It wasn’t… like that,” Junnosuke repeats, and Koki thinks he sees a spot of water suddenly appear on Junnosuke’s jeans. “It was all my fault… I could never tell what he was thinking, what he wanted…”
“…’He’?”
Junnosuke starts to shake. “Just… leave. Please…”
Koki backs away, against all instinct, and closes the door quietly behind him. “Yuu?”
“Yeah?”
“…I think we should leave him alone for a while,” Koki walks stiffly to the couch and turns the TV to some variety show.
Yuichi doesn’t reply, just frowns and brings out Koki’s coffee.
Maybe… maybe if I come back here… the stupid thoughts just keep coming and all day he’s been trying to resist. Yet here he is at the same bookstore, in the same aisle, staring at the same god-damn book.
Again.
It’s only been a few days… maybe, maybe he came here for something, and couldn’t get it because that-that guy texted him. I mean, it’s possible, right?
“J-Junnosuke…?” the voice, even shocked and a little rough, maybe with cold, maybe with shock, melts Junnosuke’s heart and freezes his blood all at once.
He turns, just slightly, tearing his eyes from the book to meet Tatsuya’s surprised caramel-coloured eyes. “Tatsuya…” he breathes, and he’s so afraid- yet feeling so complete- that he can’t even feel embarrassed yet. “Long time no see,” he murmurs with what he hopes is a warm smile.
“I’ll just go see it, just this once, and then that’s it…” Tatsuya mumbled to himself on the way to that aisle. “Just for today, I’ll-” he stops dead in his tracks, seeing the tall lonely figure staring at the single copy. “…J-Junnosuke…?” oh, how his voice loves to betray him. The man seems to freeze, then turns slightly to face him better.
“Tatsuya… Long time no see,” Junnosuke’s expression is so soft, so warm and so desolate Tatsuya can’t think what to do.
“I-I… the other day, you were…”
Embarrassment, at last. “I- your lotion… before I could tell if it was really you, you left…” he mumbles.
“You saw… Ryo,” Tatsuya states.
“Yeah, I did.”
“He’s really nice, really sweet, only he… he understands me better,” Tatsuya feels some urge to explain, to defend. He regrets the words when Junnosuke’s lingering awkward smile twists into pain and finally a blank stone mask. “Why don’t we… why don’t we go get a coffee or something and catch up?” Tatsuya suggests, against his better judgement.
Junnosuke wants to decline, say he was just about to hurry off somewhere, but he’s never been good at lying anyway. “Sure.”
Junnosuke follows Tatsuya out of the store and next door, resenting the strong smell inside for the sole reason that it makes it harder for him to keep Tatsuya’s own scent in mind. Even if all it seems to bring is a heart-rending emptiness in his chest and the urge, the need to reach out and hold Tatsuya close and breathe in the reminiscent perfume, just like he used to.
“Just over here?” Tatsuya gestures to a table to their right. It faces the street, so they have small flower-boxes with red tea-roses in them.
He always did like red roses… “Sure,” Junnosuke forces the thoughts away. Suddenly, he wonders, “What about R-Ryo? Won’t he wonder where you are?”
Tatsuya gets a faraway look. “He’s back in Osaka for work…”
Junnosuke forces the urge to hold the suddenly lonely-looking man close away. “I see,” he says. They sit down, and when Tatsuya takes off his jacket, the small gust carries the scent of sakura blossoms across the table. Junnosuke’s hand clenches into a fist unconsciously on the table-top.
“So, have you… found anyone new?” Tatsuya forces out. Junnosuke gives him another one of his broken looks. Don’t look at me like that… don’t make me want to-
“No, no one,” Junnosuke whispers, looking away. “There’s never been… anyone else.”
And that’s all it took, back then, wasn’t it? A single doubt in that simple question. The denial of that simple answer. Tatsuya’s brow furrows and he looks down. “I-I’m sorry, that time, I was-”
“I know,” Junnosuke’s voice is suddenly cold-guarded, protective, just for a second. Then it breaks. “I just… I wish…” We could’ve had more time.
Tatsuya closes his eyes. “I’m sorry… I know now, I was wrong.”
“Not that it makes a difference,” that steely voice again. “You have someone new, after all.”
“…I do.”
Just for a second, Junnosuke’s guard drops again. His voice is a little high, and a little unsteady when he asks, “Do you love him?”
And just like that, Tatsuya wants to cry. “Yes… I do. I really do.”
“Do you love him like… like you did me?”
It’s not fair for you to suddenly look so vulnerable. Do you know how long it took me to forget you? “No,” Tatsuya shakes his head. “Nothing like you.” He suddenly feels crowded and cramped, like an animal in a cage. “Let’s… just get something and walk, what do you say?”
Junnosuke just nods. He watches Tatsuya go up to the counter and get them their orders- of course I wouldn’t have to tell him what to get me, Junnosuke muses. It’s not like I’ve gotten anything else, even after all this time- and only once Tatsuya returns does he seem to notice what he did. He apologizes and Junnosuke tells him he got the right thing anyway, and they leave. Junnosuke looks up at the clouds just as it starts to rain-not much, just enough to bring some chill into the air. They decide it’s not so bad, so they walk around, ignoring the weather, until they come to a certain apartment building. They stop and Junnosuke stares up to one window that still has a little chime swinging and tinkling in the wind. Junnosuke looks to Tatsuya just as the elder shivers. Junnosuke feels guilty of a sudden, not having noticed that Tatsuya would be cold in this weather, especially if he’s been training more as it looks like he has. “Um… my place is near here,” Junnosuke says hesitantly. “I share a small flat with two other guys; they wouldn’t mind if you stayed just to warm up… I could get you an extra jacket, too…”
“I…” shouldn’t. Is what he’d like to say. But he looks away to his feet and finds himself saying, “Okay.”
“This way, then,” Junnosuke leads a little shyly. I shouldn’t be doing this… he’s got someone else, for gods’ sakes…
“The roses are liking this weather,” Tatsuya remarks, voice forced as he follows the younger man.
“Y-Yeah, they’ve been really fragrant,” Junnosuke tries to focus on the roads and not Tatsuya’s dreamy expression or the sudden subtle shine of tenderness in Tatsuya’s eyes. Another time, not my time… I’d know, if he was remembering something I did… he shakes his head and looks away from Tatsuya to the streets and street signs.
“I’m back…” Junnosuke calls, opening the door wide. “Hello?” a cold rush hits his gut when he realizes no one else is home. “Koki? Yucchi? They must be working… but I thought it was their day off…”
“They’re… not home?” Tatsuya’s voice holds the faintest breath of panic.
“Yeah… it’s okay, I’ll just start the kettle for some tea, if you like, and get you something to wear…” Junnosuke kicks off his shoes and closes the door behind Tatsuya. Their sudden proximity makes Tatsuya shiver and look away, crossing his arms over his chest but Junnosuke takes it as his still being cold. “The kitchen is just in here,” Junnosuke motions, shows Tatsuya the table and grabs the electric kettle to fill it up. “Go ahead and sit down. Once this is plugged in, I’ll get that sweater…”
Tatsuya nods, sits and watches Junnosuke run out of the kitchen. He looks around, deciding that the apartment has a nice feel to it. There’s a note Junnosuke missed on the fridge and Tatsuya stands to read it. It’s just a notice that Junnosuke’s roommates had to go cover for some people at work, they’ll be back later. Tatsuya moves to go back to the table just as Junnosuke comes through the door right next to him and almost runs into him, stopping just a few inches from Tatsuya, who instinctively backs up against the counter. Tatsuya looks up at Junnosuke as if to speak but he’s distracted when he sees something-what, exactly, he can’t tell- chance in the younger man’s expression. “Junnosuke…?”
This close, and with Tatsuya’s hands up- one on the edge of the counter, one by his head on the fridge- nearer, the light fragrance of that damn lotion reaches Junnosuke impossibly strongly and he can’t help it- after so many years, so much wishing, so much wanting and hoping and grieving- something in him gives way and his reason leaves him. Never mind that Tatsuya broke his heart. Never mind that Tatsuya is someone else’s. Never mind that Junnosuke broke Tatsuya’s heart too, all those years ago. None of it matters anymore when Junnosuke crosses those last few inches and wraps an arm securely around Tatsuya’s waist as his other hand gently lifts Tatsuya’s chin. Junnosuke’s lips stop millimetres from Tatsuya’s and the younger’s eyes are half closed when he feels the lightest breath against his lips after Tatsuya’s slight gasp. Then he holds the smaller man closer yet and kisses him.
No… no, this isn’t right… this shouldn’t be happening… yet still… Tatsuya can’t stay still, can’t not respond to the tenderness and longing in those always-smiling lips he’s missed so much the last few years. The arm around his waist just feels right and their bodies fit together perfectly, as they always did, even now. Heartache and remorse steal Tatsuya’s breath but he can’t pull away, he can’t leave those shy kisses hanging, he can’t help but answer Junnosuke’s unspoken, “I’ve missed you,” in kind.
“Tatsuya…” Junnosuke whispers, eyes closed and lips roving gently, so gently over Tatsuya’s cheek. “Tatsuya, I’m sorry, I still love you…” he kisses those intoxicating lips again and breathes in that sakura scent he’s missed so much.
Tatsuya starts to tremble and a tear-then two, and yet another- slips down his cheek, leaving an itchy salted trail. “I-I can’t do this, Junnosuke…” he murmurs, breaking the kiss. “I can’t do this to Ryo…”
“Just a kiss, Tatsuya, please…” Junnosuke’s voice is at once tender and pleading, “That’s all I’m asking for. Just a kiss tonight, and after that I’ll disappear again, for good this time, I promise. Just give me this chance…” he tilts his head to kiss Tatsuya’s jaw and then his neck, the silken scent of petals making him almost lightheaded and drunk with need. But he doesn’t push, and some little part of his mind must still be conscious because he restrains himself. He reaches up for Tatsuya’s hand on the fridge and brings it to his cheek, turning his head to kiss the knuckles.
On some unexplainable instinct, Tatsuya brushes Junnosuke’s cheek with the backs of his fingers before running them through Junnosuke’s chocolate hair, his nerves tingling at the familiar softness. His heart flutters lightly in its aching cage and Tatsuya finds himself pulling Junnosuke closer and kissing the man again. He feels Junnosuke’s hesitation, his uncertainty, and tosses reason to the wind, kissing his once-lover harder, more desperately, nipping lightly at Junnosuke’s lips until the younger’s tongue caresses his own and Tatsuya loses himself in sensation. Tatsuya presses forward and brings his other arm up around Junnosuke’s shoulders. He tilts his head so Junnosuke can kiss him more deeply yet and Tatsuya shivers- No… I’ve never loved Ryo like this, the thought crosses his mind almost defiant in its passion. But it’s that thought, that realization, that has Tatsuya pulling back and away, winding his arms around himself almost protectively. He shivers again and tears accompany the tremor this time, and a light sob. He slides down the counter to the floor. “Why?” he asks, and his voice is shaking as badly as his shoulders are. “Why do you do this to me? How can you do this to me? After all I did to forget you… you…” he chokes off, hiding his face in his arms over his knees.
Junnosuke swears he feels his heart breaking all over again. He can feel the confusion, the hurt, in chest as if they were his own. “Tatsuya…” he whispers, kneeling in front of the man and reaching for him. His hand hovers over the black locks, uncertain, before finally coming to rest gently between cheek and shoulder. “I guess… it’s because I love you too much?” his voice is barely more than a whisper. He picks up the tossed jacket and settles it over Tatsuya’s shoulders. When Tatsuya looks back up at him questioningly, he leans in and kisses Tatsuya one last time, pulling him close. He feels a tear of his own slide down his cheek and smear onto Tatsuya’s. “I’m sorry I love you…” he murmurs, and Tatsuya rests his head against his chest, listening to Junnosuke’s too-fast heartbeat.
“…You still smell the same,” Tatsuya mumbles.
Junnosuke kisses the top of his head, winds his fingers almost lazily through Tatsuya’s hair and a sad smile touches his lips. Tatsuya nuzzles closer, wrapping his arms around his waist and Junnosuke’s heart splutters. “You too,” Junnosuke manages. He closes his eyes and sighs softly. “I’ve missed you so much…”
Tatsuya feels drowsy of a sudden, wrapped in Junnosuke’s familiar, comforting presence. He sniffles and unconsciously snuggles closer, his whole being craving more of the warmth, the smell and the love. But he can’t bring himself to echo Junnosuke’s words, no matter how loudly his heart cries out for it.
Suddenly there’s a scrabbling of keys against the door and they hear it open, and then Koki’s, “I’m back… anyone home?”
Tatsuya stiffens in Junnosuke’s loose hold; he tries to move, but his body won’t let him. He feels his heart clench guiltily. His mind struggles, trying to escape-trying to flee.
Koki comes into the kitchen, sees the pair. His eyes go wide in shock and confusion. “J-Junno? What’s going on?”
Koki’s words break the spell and Tatsuya shoves himself away from Junnosuke and forces himself unsteadily to his feet. He stumbles on his way to the door and Koki reaches out instinctively to help him but Tatsuya flinches and shies away from him like a spooked animal. He sticks his feet into his shoes, not caring that they aren’t on right and stumbles out the door, Junnosuke’s jacket still slung over his shoulders.
Koki turns to Junnosuke and takes in the man’s defeated posture. Junnosuke’s staring at the floor between his empty hands, shoulders slumped and head bowed as if he’s carrying some impossible weight. “Junno? Who was that?”
The man doesn’t look up at him, doesn’t move. The only sign he’s even alive is the occasional shallow rise of his chest. “Tatsuya… I’m sorry…” he whispers, his voice dead. And then he breaks down: arms wrap around his chest to his shoulders and gripping in claws, his shallow breaths turn ragged and sobs rip themselves from his chest while tears stream down his face. “Tatsuya… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I’ll do it this time, I’ll keep my promise…”
Koki stands stunned and torn for a moment-Junno? Crying? - before rushing over in hopes of consoling his friend.
Junnosuke shakes his head violently and shoves him away, curls into a ball and continues crying. “Not again… I’ve lost you again… why did I even…?” he continues muttering to himself between sobs and coughs and Koki sits back on his heels, confused and lost as to what he should do.
When the door opens again and Yuichi comes in, Koki rushes over and drags him in, explaining all the while what he saw and asking what he should do, how he should help. Yuichi kneels beside Junnosuke and touches his shoulder gently. Junnosuke flinches away. “Junno? You shouldn’t sit out here. Do you need help getting to your room? You’ll feel better after some sleep…” Yuichi murmurs softly.
Junnosuke shivers. “I-I’ll… go myself…” he goes to stand but falls. He doesn’t let anyone touch him still, and eventually staggers into his room before locking the door and falling in a heap on his bed.
“Yuu… do you smell… sakura blossoms?” Koki frowns after Junnosuke moves past him.
“Sakura…?” Yuichi echoes. “You’re right. But where’d it come from?”
Tatsuya eventually finds himself in a neighbourhood he recognizes and heads for a coffee-shop. He just sits down to watch the city night-traffic when his phone buzzes in his pocket.
“Hey! They cancelled tomorrow’s meeting:
I just got back to the Tokyo station.
Where are you?
-Ryo”
Tatsuya feels like falling into a deep, dark hole. He texts his location to Ryo- who asks him to wait there- and stares into his coffee-cup. Half an hour later, his ears prick up to the sound of a familiar voice calling his name. He looks up. “Ryo…” his voice is hoarse and barely above a whisper. His smile is relieved but pained.
Ryo frowns. “Hime, your eyes are red. Have you been crying? What happened? Did someone do something to you? Hime…” he pulls up a chair next to Tatsuya and pulls him against his shoulder with one arm, eyes roving the older man’s face for some kind of answer. There’s something else different about Tatsuya Ryo can’t quite put his finger on. Tatsuya looks away from him, and in trying to meet his eyes again, Ryo catches sight of the jacket. “Hime, where’d that come from?”
Tatsuya bites his lip, hearing Ryo’s defensive tone. “I… I’ll explain everything when we get home. Please, let’s just go home?”
Ryo’s frown deepens and a flash of rage sears his chest, hearing Tatsuya’s broken, pleading tone. It’s when he hugs Tatsuya closer, protectively, that he realizes the other difference. “Hime… you smell different,” Ryo tries not to get angry, tries to clear his head of the surge of hurt at least until Tatsuya’s explained himself.
But hearing his words, Tatsuya drops his head and tears course over his cheeks. “Please, let’s go home… I want to go home, Ryo…”
“What happened, while I was gone, Hime? You were with someone, weren’t you? What did you do?” Ryo tries to keep his voice even but he sees Tatsuya cringe across the table. Eli, at Tatsuya’s feet, whines upon feeling her master’s tumultuous emotions and paws his leg, licks his knee.
Tatsuya’s fingers curl into her fur, rubbing comforting circles behind her ears in an effort to soothe himself. “Just today… today, I went to that bookstore, the one I always go to…” Tatsuya forces himself to speak. “I… I saw someone there, someone I hadn’t seen for a long time. Someone I hadn’t wanted to see for a long time…” At least, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself…
“And you… went home with him?” Ryo’s voice betrays him again with a tremor. His hands and clenched together in fists on his knees.
“We were just walking, aimlessly, and then it started to get colder…” Tatsuya says. “He shares the apartment with two other guys, he thought they were home, but turns out they weren’t…they’d left a note for him, I saw it even before he did…” his voice is tight with anxiety and worry.
Ryo relaxes slightly, understanding Tatsuya’s need to explain. He didn’t mean for it to happen. Neither of them had.
“Nothing happened,” Tatsuya insists, finally meeting Ryo’s eyes. “I told him… I told him I love you, I told him I couldn’t do anything to hurt you, but we couldn’t help it… he only kissed me, I promise you, Ryo. I-I couldn’t control myself, I let him, but… but then I thought of you, and I-I couldn’t take it…I-”
Ryo stands and crosses to the other side of the table. He wraps his arms around Tatsuya’s shoulders and whispers, “I understand. It’s okay. You came back for me, you didn’t lie to me. It’s alright now…”
Tatsuya releases Eli’s fur and stands, turning towards Ryo. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have… but I did, and-” he’s interrupted by a kiss and immediately responds, clutching Ryo’s shirt tightly in one hand while the other wraps around his shoulders tightly. He relaxes against Ryo as the younger’s arms weave around his waist, holding him securely in place. When Ryo pulls back, Tatsuya leans his head on Ryo’s shoulder. “I love you, Ryo. I-I think I still love him too, but I’m never going back to him, I promise. Besides, he promised to… disappear… for good, this time…” his eyebrows knit together and he clutches Ryo tighter as the tears return. Why am I such a cry-baby? I have Ryo, that’s enough for me, so why do I feel lost now that I’m out of his-Junnosuke’s embrace?
Ryo just rubs Tatsuya’s back comfortingly, feeling the tears soaking his shoulder. He still smells that foreign scent on Tatsuya’s clothes, but hidden underneath, he can still pick out the cherry blossom perfume. “I understand, Tatsuya,” Ryo whispers. “I love you too… and even if he does come back, I’ll fight to keep you. I promise. Now, let’s go clean up and go to bed. It’s late,” he kisses Tatsuya’s hair and the man stiffens and looks up.
“Ryo?”
“Hmm?”
A faint blush, and utterly uncertain eyes. “…Kiss me again?”
Ryo smiles tenderly at him. If it didn’t hurt so much, I’d like to see him act this cute more often. He just brushes the other’s lips with his own, enjoying the way Tatsuya’s eyes flutter closed and his lips relax instinctively welcoming his touch. Ryo lifts a hand to Tatsuya’s neck just behind his ear and plays with the silken hair before he tilts his head to kiss Tatsuya properly. His heart beats faster when Tatsuya sighs softly and smiles ever-so slightly against his lips.
I’m sorry Junnosuke, but I can’t leave Ryo after all…
[End]