SPN Fic: Telling myself it's not as hard as it seems

[deirdre_c]

I wrote this as a pinch-hit for spn_summergen and at first felt so much pressure! What was I thinking, volunteering to write something in a week?!? Outrageous. But then it suddenly just flowed and flowed and I'm quite proud of how it turned out, particularly because I always worry about being able to capture Dean's voice. *pets wee story*

***

Title: Telling

Comments

[estei]

Baby, you break my heart with your awesomeness!

[deirdre_c]

*mends you up with scotch tape and Elmer's glue*

♥♥♥

[thehighwaywoman]

Ohhh, heartbreak. So poignant -- I love how you so subtly compare and contrast Dean and Jess with Sam as the linchpin. Beautiful!

[deirdre_c]

Thank you so much, my dear! I'm delighted you liked it. Sam's a lucky man to be so well-loved by two such as they.

[apreludetoanend]

This was beautiful! Dean's anger at Jess feels very true, and I love how he latches onto the fact that Sam has no clothes, and then later, he stops at Wal-Mart. It's just a small detail, but somehow, Dean shopping for Sam like that is just inexplicably lovely.

[deirdre_c]

I think Dean's lashing out at the universe for breaking Sam this way, and Jess is a handy target to lay the blame on. But even he recognizes how good she was for Sam and he's torn between wanting those things for Sam and wanting Sam with him on the highway. Poor conflicted boy. *feeds him pie*

Also, I often think about how Sam went about replacing all of his everyday things-- socks, nailclippers, stuff you don't even think about until it's not at hand (and thus having to borrow your brother's disgusting bubble-gum flavored toothpaste). And how he finally gathered enough to fill one duffle and realized he had arrived right back when he'd been in high school. Poor thwarted boy. *feeds him whatever small bit of pie Dean left in the plate*

Anyway, thank you for reading, my dear. And for the lovely feedback. <3

[apreludetoanend]

Hey! Sorry, I never meant to imply that you were asserting that Dean was literally mad at Jess, only that I thought his sudden burst of anger (including its misdirection) rang very true. This is why I don't comment enough, I always make a mess of it! Forgive me?

[deirdre_c]

Oh bunny, no! I was just agreeing and expanding on the theme, not arguing with you. *smish* No mess, not a'tall. I knew what you meant.

[tsuki_no_bara]

(i read this when you linked to it in the comm, but figured i'd wait until you reposted it to comment. anyway.)

man, this is so sad, with all the things sam had and lost and the little dean can do for him. i love that dean is pissed at jess because (paradoxically) she made sam happy enough to stay, and i especially love that her music taste so closely matches his. my s1 theory was that sam loved her because she reminded him of his brother, and i like the universe kind of giving dean a nudge in that direction. i think it's telling that dean gives sam the mix tape he made and not the one jess made, even tho he hangs on to jess' cd for another time. (i think it's a really good, really dean-y detail, tho.)

[deirdre_c]

YAY, Cindy! I'm so glad you liked it. *joy* Thank you for giving me all your thinky-thoughts about what's happening in the story. sam loved her because she reminded him of his brother yes yes yes (but not necessarily in a Wincestuous way, but in a feels-like-home way)

Also, I feel like there's a number of interpretations a reader can make about why Dean would keep Jess's CD and give Sam his tape, and that's why I left it open that way. I'm glad you believed it was true to Dean.

♥

[tsuki_no_bara]

>>(but not necessarily in a Wincestuous way, but in a feels-like-home way)<<

exactly! she has a personality and preferences he's familiar with and can deal with, and i imagine it might have been comforting to meet someone you can kind of understand. plus which, you know, he might have possibly missed having dean around, and we know the boys love each other (i myself subscribe to the non-'cesty love, but you can take it either way), and with jess, sam could kind of get the parts of dean he liked without all the baggage.

...sometimes i miss the boys as they were in s1. fewer dead people.

[embroiderama]

Eeeep, so much love for this. It feels like finding Jess's music collection makes Jess a real person to Dean for the first time, and that's so fitting.

[deirdre_c]

Oh exactly. It makes her more than just a random girlfriend. Yes!

Thank you for stopping by to read, sweetheart! :)