Birthday fic for Fififolle: Anatomy of an Argument
Title: Anatomy of an Argument
Author: Athene
Fandom: Primeval
Pairing/characters: Ryan/Connor, Abby, Dan Robinson
Rating: 18
Warnings: Language, smut, angst.
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Not mine. ITV and Impossible Pictures own them.
Word count: approx 5840
Summary: “You say I talk too much? You’re probably right. But it’s better than not bloody talking at all.”
AN: Birthday fic for fififolle. She asked for angst with a happy ending, and I’m fairly sure at some point she has said she likes fic where the characters argue and break up. So I wrote this *evil grin*
Ryan woke up slowly. His head hurt, and he didn’t want to think too hard about what his mouth tasted like. He tried to open his eyes, and squinted against the light seeping in through the curtains. He winced, and closed his eyes again just as quickly.
Definitely a hangover. It had been nothing more than a dull background ache until the moment when he moved too sharply, and then it was like screaming sirens and a pneumatic drill in his head. Ryan kept his eyes closed and took a few deep breaths until it subsided into dull ache territory again.
Sod it. It was Saturday. Another quarter of an hour in bed wouldn’t hurt.
He carefully rolled over onto his side, reaching out for the warm body next to him... that wasn’t there.
Ryan frowned and opened his eyes again, squinting at the empty space in the bed beside him. The duvet wasn’t even rumpled on that side. It hadn’t been slept in at all.
It took him almost five minutes to remember what had happened the night before.
The night before:
“Ryan?” Connor’s voice was soft. Tentative. “Are you okay?”
For fuck’s sake. Not this again.
“I’m fine.”
Connor sighed quietly. “Liar.”
Ryan spun round and glared at Connor.
“Why the fuck did you bother asking if you’ve already decided the answer?”
“Because I don’t understand and I want to help you if I can. I don’t like us being like this, Ryan.”
Something in Ryan snapped.
“You know what? Me too. I’m sick of you and your questions and your constant prattling about nothing. I’m sick of your clothes and books and CDs and mess all over my flat. I’m sick of you leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor. I’m sick of never getting any time to myself any more. Just because we’re shagging, doesn’t mean we have to spend every bloody waking moment together.”
Almost as soon as he’d finished speaking, Ryan regretted it.
Connor stared at him with those big kicked puppy eyes for several seconds before he finally looked away.
“Fine,” Connor mumbled. He went and grabbed his bag and shoved a small pile of books and CDs into it. “I won’t hang around making your flat look untidy, then.”
Wait. Don’t go. Ryan couldn’t make the words come.
Connor was almost at the door when he stopped.
“For the record, Ryan, I’m sick of you and this macho hard man act. You say I talk too much? You’re probably right. But it’s better than not bloody talking at all.”
He walked out, shutting the door only slightly harder than was strictly necessary.
Five minutes later, Ryan had hit the scotch.
It was nearly lunchtime when Ryan called Connor. It rang once... twice... three times. Ryan was starting to think he wasn’t going to pick up when suddenly Connor’s voice was there.
“Hi, Ryan.” He sounded calm. Friendly, even. But it was definitely not the usual bouncy enthusiastic greeting that he normally got from the young man.
“Hi, Conn.”
It suddenly occurred to Ryan that he had no idea what he wanted to say.
“Ryan? What’s up?”
Ryan could hear something in the background. It took him a moment to recognise the sounds of one of Connor’s favourite fantasy swords and magic computer games.
“I... No, nothing’s wrong. Just wanted to see if you were okay.”
There was another brief silence. Ryan’s imagination supplied the image of Connor’s expression morphing through confused, relieved, maybe, he dared to imagine, pleased.
“Oh, okay.”
That didn’t sound pleased. Or relieved.
Somewhat belatedly, Connor added, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, fine.” Apart from the headache. And the fact that you aren’t here. “Are you going to come over today?”
There was a definite hesitation before Connor replied.
“I’d like to. But not if we’re just going to fight again.”
“You’re the one who walked out,” Ryan shot back before his brain fully realised what he was saying.
“What? Well, yeah, but...” He heard a frustrated noise on the end of the line. “You know what, I think maybe you were right. Besides, I’ve got stuff I need to do. For university. I should really...”
Ryan opened his mouth, and for a moment the words I’m and sorry floated to the surface of his mind. Ryan closed his mouth again without speaking.
Eventually, Connor was the one who filled the uncomfortable silence.
“Right. Okay. Bye, Ryan.”
“Yeah. Bye.”
Ryan was still on the line when Connor hung up several seconds later.
Fine. You go back to your sodding computer game. ‘Got some university stuff to do’. Yeah, right. Probably just working on his high score at D&D. And yet, even through the distorting filters of his own anger, Ryan wasn’t entirely sure he believed that.
Ryan turned the TV on and found some football. By the end of the match he couldn’t have told anyone the score, or even who had actually been playing.
Connor wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He thought he’d done rather well to hold it together while he’d actually been on the phone, no matter how much he’d wanted to shout and cry and just grab his coat and go straight over to Ryan’s flat and hug him until all this went away.
A steaming cut appeared in his field of (slightly blurred) vision, and Connor looked up to see Abby with a sympathetic expression and a packet of biscuits.
“Was that Ryan?”
Connor nodded, not trusting himself to speak yet. He accepted the drink, and inhaled the scent of tea as Abby moved the game controllers out of the way and curled up next to him on the sofa.
“Want to share, or should we just kill stuff as noisily as possible for an hour or two?” Abby indicated the video game, still paused in mid fight.
Connor smiled at that, and then his stomach rumbled and his attention went straight to the biscuits. Abby rolled her eyes and opened the packet, and they munched in silence for a moment or two, Connor savouring the soft melting chocolate after he’d dunked it in the tea.
“I don’t know what to do,” Connor finally admitted, looking at his half-finished tea, because it was easier than looking at Abby.
“Is this your first real fight?”
“Yeah. I mean, we’ve had disagreements in the past, but not about anything important.”
“Feel free to tell me if it’s none of my business, but what was this one about?”
Connor shrugged. “That’s the stupid thing, I don’t even really know. Ryan went off on one about me leaving his flat in a mess, and yeah, I admit maybe that’s true. But it’s been like that for ages and he’s never said anything before.” Connor took a breath and drank some more tea. “It’s not even really about that. That was just an excuse, I think. He’s been acting weird, and I don’t know why, and when I try to talk to him about it he just shuts down. Until last night, and then it all blew up.”
“Acting weird?”
“Yeah.” Connor tried to pin down exactly what it was, but the more he thought about it, the more he realised that most of it was just a feeling, a sense that something had changed between them. Something in the way that Ryan looked at him, or touched him. Or, as had been the case recently, not looked at him, and not touched him.
“I can’t really explain it,” he eventually said. “He’s just been really quiet, and sort of distant.”
“It’s not like Ryan talks a lot normally,” Abby pointed out.
“Yeah, but even on a Ryan scale of quiet, he’s been, well, off the scale!”
“He won’t tell you what’s wrong?”
Connor snorted. “He won’t even admit that there is anything wrong.”
They sat in silence for a while, Connor increasingly aware of Abby studying him.
“Look, Connor,” she eventually said. “I’m not going to pretend that I’m any good at relationship counselling, but I do know that since you started seeing Ryan you’ve been happier than I’ve ever known you. Until the last few weeks, admittedly, but before that, you were happy. And I think Ryan was as well. He certainly seemed to smile a bit more than he did before, at least.”
Connor nodded, trying to ignore the sick, miserable feeling in his stomach that their happiness might be over already. Trying not to think about the smiles that Ryan kept only for him when they were alone together.
“So try to talk to him again. And keep trying, until he gives you a proper answer.”
“That might be easier said than done.”
Abby nudged him with her shoulder.
“Hey, whatever happened to, ‘Han Solo wouldn’t quit before the job was done’?”
Connor couldn’t help the small chuckle.
“Okay. Fine. I’ll try again.”
“Good. Now, how about we kill things for a while?”
“Oh, god yes!” Connor slurped down the rest of his tea and grabbed the nearest controller.
There was only so much emotional stuff he could deal with before even he started to feel decidedly unmanly.
Connor had picked up a few of his things before he left, but even so, Ryan couldn’t seem to go anywhere in his flat without seeing some reminder of Connor’s presence. Eventually he stuck a loud heavy metal CD in the player, and started to tidy.
Ryan didn’t like mess. Admittedly, not all of the clutter in the living room was Connor’s. But, he decided, it was definitely Connor’s fault that the place had got into this state. How was Ryan supposed to tidy up when Connor was sitting there on the sofa with his laptop, looking distracting, or chattering away about something? And that was another thing - the noise. It was almost impossible to get any sodding peace and quiet when Connor was around. How was it possible for one person to talk so much? How did he not run out of things to say eventually?
By the time Ryan had tidied the living room and progressed into the bedroom, he was starting to feel like he had imposed a little more order on his world again. Connor was great, but he was also noisy and messy and distracting, not to mention needy and attention seeking. The constant touching and cuddling and sex was nice... hell it was better than ‘nice’, but for god’s sake, it wasn’t like they were still in the first stages of this. They’d been together for months, and yet Connor was still acting like it was all new and exciting, and why the hell was he standing in the middle of the room holding Connor’s t-shirt?
Ryan glared at the item of clothing for a full thirty seconds before he sat down on the edge of the bed and lifted the t-shirt to his face so he could breathe in that scent was unmistakably Connor.
Fuck.
When had this stopped being a bit of fun, and started being so fucking complicated?
Somewhat to Ryan’s surprise, Connor came round on Sunday afternoon.
“Wow, where’s everything gone?” Connor commented as soon as they were in the living room.
“I decided to clean the place up.”
“Oh.” Connor’s gaze seemed to have fallen on his things, left in a neat pile on one side of the room. It suddenly occurred to Ryan that was probably going to give entirely the wrong impression. It was just that he hadn’t known whether Connor was going to come back, and some part of his brain had decided that if Connor came to collect the rest of his stuff, it would make things easier if they were all ready and waiting to go. Okay, so maybe it was actually giving the right impression of what he’d been thinking, but certainly not the impression that he wanted to give.
“I missed you,” Ryan blurted out before Connor had time to comment further on his tidying.
“I missed you too.” There was that small, shy smile and adorable brown eyes that never failed to melt Ryan’s heart. “It was weird being in bed on my own. I kept turning over and expecting you to be there.”
“Me too,” Ryan admitted. He stepped closer and tentatively stroked Connor’s arm. “Can we forget the last couple of days ever happened?”
Connor’s expression somehow managed to look both relieved and disappointed at the same time. What the hell?
“Yeah. That’d be good. But...”
“But?” Ryan frowned.
“I want to forget about the fight, yeah, but I think we need to talk about whatever it is that’s causing the fights in the first place.”
That, Ryan reflected, was probably the most mature thing he had ever heard Connor say. It was also the last thing he wanted to hear right then.
Ryan leaned down and captured Connor’s lips in a long, soft kiss, while his hand trailed along Connor’s jaw. He heard a soft moan from the younger man, and suddenly there were hands everywhere. They stumbled towards the sofa and fell onto it in a tangle of limbs and want and need. Connor’s hands were still scrabbling in a thoroughly uncoordinated way over Ryan’s t-shirt when Ryan rolled his hips against Connor’s, and slid his fingers underneath Connor’s shirt, and began caressing his skin. As he expected, Connor was whimpering and wriggling impatiently under him within moments, and Ryan gently lowered Connor back to lie on the sofa. Then he made short work of unbuttoning his shirt and trousers so that he could kiss and lick his way down Connor’s chest while his hand went to work on Connor’s cock. Connor thrust up against him, his soft mewing noises becoming ever louder and more insistent. His hands finally gave up on Ryan’s t-shirt, and somehow he managed to worm a hand between them and undo Ryan’s jeans.
“God, yes,” Ryan murmured, as Connor squeezed and stroked as best he could given the awkward angle. He ducked his head and bit down on Connor’s shoulder. Connor arched up and his hand spasmed into a tighter grip on Ryan’s cock, and suddenly they were both coming messily on Connor’s chest, gasping out each other’s names.
They both slumped onto the sofa, Ryan on top and not quite caring that he was effectively pinning Connor down. He didn’t want Connor going anywhere.
“Wow,” Connor breathed a few moments later.
Ryan felt fingers playing along his shoulder and down his back, and allowed himself a smile. As reunions went, he thought it had gone pretty well. And if Connor had been distracted from their previous conversation, well, it wasn’t his fault if Connor had the attention span of a goldfish.
Connor waited for Ryan to switch the light off and pull the duvet close around them. He’d spent most of the evening doing everything possible to get Ryan relaxed and in a good mood before they went to bed, and once they were in bed, Connor made sure that the sex was just how Ryan liked it. He was still feeling a little sore in all the right places, but it was more than worth it.
Besides, after the distraction trick on the sofa that afternoon, Connor had decided Ryan wasn’t the only one who could play dirty.
He cuddled up closer, nuzzling Ryan’s shoulder. The darkness in the bedroom wasn’t complete, and they could see each other, but there was enough shadow to hide the details. Connor thought this might easier in the dark.
“Ryan?”
“Hmmm?”
“Are we okay?”
He felt Ryan tense immediately. There was no reply.
“Ryan, I don’t want to fight again, but there’s something going on and I’m pretty sure it’s got practically nothing to do with me being a bit messy. Look, I know you don’t like talking about stuff, and I’m not expecting you to suddenly start gushing about your feelings or anything. And, yeah, I’m not as experienced at all this relationship stuff as you, but I’m not an idiot and I know there’s something going on that you’re not telling me. Just... please don’t shut me out, okay?”
“Relationship stuff?” Ryan said. “Did you actually just say ‘relationship stuff’?”
He sounded surprised. Or possibly just faintly incredulous. It occurred to Connor that maybe talking in the dark hadn’t been such a good idea after all.
“Yeah,” Connor said slowly, trying to work out if this was a trick question. “Why? Shouldn’t I have said it? Isn’t that what this is?”
Ryan turned his head and actually looked at Connor for the first time since the conversation had started.
“Why don’t you tell me, Connor? What is this?”
Connor felt something cold and horrible twist inside him. What the hell was Ryan saying?
“It’s... well, you’re my boyfriend.” Ryan was still staring at him, and Connor heard his mouth starting to run away ahead of his thoughts, the way it always did when he was nervous, or off guard. “We hang out together. We have fun. We have lots and lots of sex.”
All plus points in a relationship as far as Connor was concerned.
Ryan suddenly looked away and went back to staring up at the ceiling.
“Sex and fun. Yeah,” Ryan said, his voice unreadable.
And everything else, Connor wanted to say, but something stopped him. Maybe that was what this was really about. What had Ryan said to him a couple of days ago? In the middle of all that shouting about mess and noise. Just because we’re shagging, doesn’t mean we have to spend every bloody waking moment with each other. It suddenly hit Connor like a punch to the gut. What if that was all he was to Ryan - a good shag. No wonder Ryan had been getting pissed off at him moving his stuff in and staying over so often.
He had thought... this time he had really thought it was something special.
Fuck.
Connor turned over onto his other side, facing away from Ryan. He wasn’t going to get up and leave. He wasn’t going to make a scene. And most of all he wasn’t going to bloody cry.
He wasn’t.
It was a good thing the anomaly didn’t seem to have produced any creatures, because even Ryan had to admit that his mind wasn’t entirely on the job. Much as he tried to stop himself, he couldn’t prevent his gaze wandering over to where Connor was standing with Cutter, their heads together, discussing something in quite an animated fashion. Normally, the sight of Connor in one of his bouncy, enthusiastic moods was enough to have Ryan smiling indulgently, enjoying the show. This time he had to look away. There was no point torturing himself with something he couldn’t have any more.
He knew it was his own fault. There was a good reason why he normally had rules about not getting involved with people he worked with. It all just got awkward when the inevitable happened. Connor had got under his skin, though. Connor had, somehow, and probably unintentionally, bent every one of Ryan’s rules until they broke. Connor was...
“Boss?”
Ryan suddenly became aware of someone talking to him.
“What?” he snapped, rounding on Dan Robinson.
Dan didn’t even look surprised by the outburst.
“The anomaly has closed.” He nodded to where the anomaly wasn’t any more.
Ryan hadn’t even noticed it had gone. He looked round and realised that a few people seemed to be giving him odd looks, including Connor. He suspected that he’d shouted louder than even he realised.
“Right. Good.” Ryan walked over to Claudia to discuss the usual post anomaly clear up. With no creatures to speak of, this one was going to be easy, just leave a couple of men to guard the site for another twenty four hours in case it came back, and then they’d declare it officially closed. By the time he had finished talking to Claudia, he was glad to note that people had stopped looking at him.
All except for one.
Dan cornered him almost as soon as he’d gone back to the cars.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Dan said in a way that somehow made it sound far more like an order than a question.
“Home,” Ryan muttered, trying to ignore Connor getting into a car with Cutter and Abby and Stephen.
“Wrong. You’re coming with me.”
“I don’t need this right now, Dan.”
“Tough. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“Fuck off, Dan.”
“You know you don’t really mean that. Now get in the car and stop being a stubborn bastard for once in your life.”
Ryan closed his eyes for a moment, and then sighed. “Remind me why the hell we’re friends?”
“Because I always have beer in the fridge,” Dan grinned.
They went back to Dan’s house, and as promised, Dan thrust a can of beer at Ryan as soon as they’d got cleaned up and changed. Ryan dropped into his usual spot on Dan’s sofa, but, unusually, Dan opted for the armchair across from him rather than next to him on the sofa. Sneaky bastard.
“Right, what the fuck is going on with you?” Dan demanded.
“Nothing.”
Dan shook his head. “You get that one for free. From now on I want the bloody truth. I know there’s something because you’ve been miserable as sin for the last week. You’re distracted, you’re snapping at everyone, and you damn near bit Josh’s head off over a simple mistake the day before yesterday. Oh, and Ryan? If at any point in this conversation I hear the words, ‘I’m fine’ coming out of your mouth, and I will punch you. Clear?”
Ryan slumped back into Dan’s sofa, and took a swig of beer.
“Again, remind me why the hell I put up with you?”
“Because you need someone who talks sense when you’re acting like a twat.” Dan’s expression softened a little. “Ryan, have you and Temple split up?”
Ryan sighed. “Not yet,” he admitted. “But I expect it’s only a matter of time.”
“I thought the kid was looking almost as miserable as you when I saw him at the anomaly today.”
“Could have fooled me,” Ryan muttered.
Dan managed to look surprised. “What? Don’t tell me you bought that act? You really must be in a bad way if you didn’t see what he was doing.”
Ryan must have been staring at him with a blank expression, because Dan elaborated.
“Every time you weren’t looking at him he was watching you with that sodding kicked puppy look he does so well. All that bouncing around with Cutter and Stephen was probably an act to hide how he’s really feeling.”
“How the hell do you know how he’s feeling?” Ryan heard the tone of accusation in his voice, and it occurred to him that maybe Dan was right, and he really did need to get himself sorted out.
Dan just watched him carefully for a few moments, and then said softly, “What’s going on, Ryan?”
Ryan took another swig of beer. What the hell, he’d never been able to hide anything from Dan anyway.
“I think I’m really serious about him, Dan. It might have started out as a bit of fun, but now that’s not enough for me. I want it to be more. Fuck, Dan, I know this is going to sound soppy as hell, but I think I’m in love with him. When I’m with Connor, I want to talk about ‘forever’.
It was Dan’s turn to take a long drink of beer.
“Bloody hell, mate. You’re right, that was soppy.”
For a moment they both grinned at each other. Then Ryan shook his head.
“It doesn’t matter, though. It’ll never work. He’s young, he just wants a bit of fun. He’s not looking for forever.”
For a moment Ryan thought he saw Dan’s face twist into a smile, but it was rapidly covered up.
“Has he actually said that? Have you actually talked to him about this?”
“Sort of.”
Ryan knew that wasn’t true, though. That conversation they’d had in bed almost a week ago probably didn’t count, even after what Connor had said about it just being sex and fun and hanging out together. And, now he thought about it, it wasn’t until after that night that Connor had really started to pull away from him. It was after that night that Connor started spending less time at Ryan’s flat, and bit by bit his things had started to disappear with him every time he left.
What if he had read the entire situation wrong?
He glanced up and realised Dan was just watching him work things through in his head. Suddenly he remembered something from the anomaly earlier, and it all fell into place.
“You’ve been talking to Abby, haven’t you?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Dan replied, smirking slightly as he downed the rest of his beer.
“Bastard,” Ryan muttered, but he was smiling at his friend when he said it.
“You’re welcome.”
Ryan contemplated his beer for a few moments, and then finished it off.
“Oh, shit, Dan. I actually have to talk to him, don’t I?”
“If you want him to stay, then yes you do, I’m afraid.” Dan looked like he was enjoying this a little too much, the traitor.
“I think I’d rather face a whole herd of T-Rexes.”
Dan chuckled. “I never knew Temple was that scary.”
Ryan stared into the empty beer can and gave a wry smile.
“Scary? Mate, you have no idea.”
When Abby answered the door, her expression didn’t seem to know quite whether to settle on a protective glare or an amused smirk. She really had been talking to Dan, Ryan decided.
“Is Connor in?” Ryan asked, rather redundantly, since there was practically no other reason why he would turn up at Abby’s flat.
“Yes, he’s here.” Abby blocked his way into the flat for another few moments, her expression appraising this time. Eventually she stepped aside and let him in. It was only then that Ryan noticed she was already carrying her jacket, and she put it on and headed out.
“I’ll give you two some time alone,” she said. She hesitated a moment and then pinned him with a serious stare. “Ryan, I know you’re a big tough soldier guy and everything, but right now you’re one step away from getting the ‘if you hurt him’ speech. Please don’t make me actually have to use it, okay?”
Ryan nodded and gave her a mock salute. “Loud and clear, Ma’am.”
Abby giggled. “Go on. He’s up there.”
She closed the door, and Ryan took a deep breath before he headed up into the flat.
“Who was it?” Connor called out, still sitting on the sofa, his back to the entrance, when Ryan went in.
“Hi, Connor.”
Connor practically jumped off the sofa, and spun round to face him. Connor had got the startled rabbit expression perfected, Ryan decided.
“Ryan! I wasn’t expecting you.”
“So I noticed,” Ryan said, hoping to put Connor at ease with a smile.
Instead, his expression slipped from rabbit in headlights to something far more tense and guarded. Much as he hated to admit it, after the last few weeks, Ryan didn’t blame him.
“What do you want?” Connor asked.
“Believe it or not, I want to talk to you.”
Connor just stared, his mouth hanging slightly open. Okay, Ryan decided he probably deserved that reaction, but still, it was slightly insulting.
Ryan suddenly realised he’d had it all planned out in his head, what he was going to say and how he was going to say it. And now he was here he couldn’t think of a damn thing.
“You were right,” Ryan said eventually. It was as good a place as any to start. “There was something wrong, and I was refusing to talk about it. I shouldn’t have... That wasn’t...” Oh, shit. Why the hell was this so difficult? Ryan scrubbed a hand through his short hair and shook his head. “I said a lot of things that I didn’t mean because I was too bloody scared to say what I really did mean. You deserved better than that, and I’m sorry.”
“Okay,” Connor said slowly. Now he looked puzzled. Ryan decided that was probably better than shocked.
“Connor, I know I’m older and more experienced, but that doesn’t mean I’m any good at this sort of thing. I’m not good at long term relationships. I don’t do commitment. Most of the time I’m just looking for a good night.”
Connor abruptly turned away, but not before Ryan saw the way his face fell.
Shit.
Ryan darted forwards and grabbed Connor’s arm and swung him back round to face him.
“That was what I’m normally like. That’s not what I want with you, Connor. It took me a while to work it out, but you were different to every other guy. I’m no bloody good at relationships, and then suddenly I realised that all I wanted was to spend the rest of my life with you, and it scared the shit out of me.”
“You... you want to spend the rest of your life with me?”
Ryan didn’t miss the barely concealed hope in Connor’s big, dark eyes.
“Yes,” he said, feeling ever so slightly ridiculous. “Despite the fact that you are messy and noisy and half the time I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. Insane as it sounds, when I think about you, I keep thinking that this is actually it. You’re the one. You’re the person that makes me think ‘forever’.”
Connor seemed to be taking a moment to process that. Ryan suddenly wondered if this was all going to backfire horribly. What if Connor didn’t want the same thing? What if Connor was going to laugh in his face?
Then Connor smiled at him. Not the big, enthusiastic grin. This was a far softer smile. A smile that was full of hope and trust and vulnerability, and damned if that smile didn’t make Ryan want to hold Connor close and keep him safe and never let go.
“Me too,” Connor said, looking up at him from under his dark eyelashes. “I want you to be my ‘forever’ as well. And if it helps at all, I can try to be less messy.”
It took a moment for the words to sink in. Then it took all of Ryan’s willpower not to just pick Connor up and swing him around the flat. He had a horrible suspicion that a big, stupid, soppy grin had appeared on his face, but just this once he didn’t bloody care.
He reached up and caught Connor’s jaw and tilted his face upwards and then Ryan leaned down and kissed him softly. He felt Connor’s hands slip around his waist as his mouth opened, inviting Ryan in. Ryan didn’t want this moment to end, ever.
Eventually, though, Connor broke away.
“Wow,” he breathed.
Ryan thought he would never get tired of seeing that look on Connor’s face.
“So,” Connor said, his smile suddenly turning a little cheeky. “Is this the part where we have lots of make-up sex?”
Ryan laughed, and pulled Connor into a tight hug.
“Hell, yes.”
Ryan had a moment to notice the clutter of books and DVDs and miscellaneous Star Wars stuff that filled Connor’s bedroom. Then Connor tipped the pile of clothes off the duvet and onto the floor, and dragged Ryan over and pulled him down onto the bed. Ryan let Connor kiss him again, neither of them pushing for control or dominance. He ran his hands down Connor’s side until they rested on his hips.
“Too many clothes,” Ryan said when they finally parted.
Connor quickly tugged Ryan’s t-shirt up, and Ryan lifted his arms and let Connor pull it all the way off.
“I like your body,” Connor said, running his hands over Ryan’s chest.
Ryan chuckled. “I like yours as well. When it isn’t hidden underneath fifty layers.”
Connor pouted. “Slight exaggeration there.”
Nevertheless, he quickly fumbled the buttons of his waistcoat open and pulled it off, along with the t-shirt.
While he was doing that, Ryan quickly divested himself of the rest of his clothes, and then pounced on Connor and distracted him with another kiss while he popped open the button on his trousers. Connor lifted his hips and wriggled out of his clothes, somehow managing to kick everything else off without breaking their kiss.
Ryan pushed him to lie back on the bed, and then, starting at Connor’s jaw, proceeded to kiss his way down Connor’s body. By the time he had reached Connor’s hips, his lover was wriggling and making the happy, needy mewing noises that Ryan loved to hear. Connor’s cock was already hard and leaking, but Ryan let his fingers trail a path along Connor’s thigh and rub at his hole. That was when he realised the flaw in the plan.
“Um, Conn? Do you have anything we can use?”
Connor stared at him blankly for all of five seconds before he worked out what Ryan meant.
“Oh! Yeah.” He reached for the bedside drawer, and Ryan immediately pushed him to lie back down, and went to the drawer himself and found the lubricant.
He prepared Connor slowly, drawing out the sensations until Connor was writhing and begging and using those big demanding puppy eyes.
“Patience,” Ryan murmured with a chuckle. It felt like they had all the time in the world.
“Sod patience!” Connor growled back at him, and without warning he pushed himself harder onto Ryan’s fingers and moaned.
“All right, I get the hint,” Ryan said with an affectionate laugh.
He quickly slicked his cock, lifted Connor’s hips a little, and pushed slowly pushed in until he was filling Connor. Their noises of mutual pleasure mingled together, and Ryan took his time, setting a slow pace and drawing out the sensations until Connor’s words had become a constant stream of, “God, Ryan, please, more, love you Ryan, please.”
Ryan faltered for a second, and then thrust in one final time and suddenly Connor was clenching around his cock and Ryan ducked his head to rest his face against Connor’s neck as he rode out his orgasm.
Eventually, when Ryan was capable of forming coherent thoughts again, he gently pulled out of his lover, and rolled to lie beside him. Connor snuggled closer, his arms worming their way around Ryan’s chest, heedless of the sticky mess they were both in.
“Mmmmmmm. Nice,” Connor mumbled, his eyes still closed, and a ridiculously content smile on his face.
Ryan kissed the top of his head, and wrapped his arms around Connor.
It took him a moment to work up the courage, and then he said quietly, “Love you, too.”
Connor just hugged him a little tighter, and Ryan decided maybe this wasn’t quite so scary after all.