(no subject)
Today i realized something. and its funny how it is so easy to forget. today i actually remembered something. its something so small but makes a big difference. its what...SMALL and what...CONTRACTED. to be quite honest, i did not learn as much belly dance as i learned about how to approach it.
let me tell you about my daily routine:
i wake up hating the day
go to work
hate the day
remain at work
hate the day
remain at work
after a whole bunch of that
i go home
clean, look for jobs, cook, eat,
go to bed
im just not happy. one of the reasons is cause i cant get any dance gigs, all my focus was on that for about a year. my focus in college was also on getting ajob and not being an entrpreneur. but why am i really dancing? is it just to get gigs? the illusion is so strong i can feel it, it has texture, its lucid. why am i really dancing? is it to be in the futile world of no gigs or teaching jobs? hating myself every step of the way. to be honest, i'm not loving myself at all. and who is gonna love me, if i dont even love myself. who the hell is gonna appreciate the art if there is no love in it, cause im just not loving myself and that has been going into my art.
screw gigs, teaching. i need to focus on my style, take the time to look at costuming, dance, and medidate. because this has brought me so much confidence, if i keep working at it, think of what other positive qualities it can bring.
let me tell you about my daily routine:
i wake up hating the day
go to work
hate the day
remain at work
hate the day
remain at work
after a whole bunch of that
i go home
clean, look for jobs, cook, eat,
go to bed
im just not happy. one of the reasons is cause i cant get any dance gigs, all my focus was on that for about a year. my focus in college was also on getting ajob and not being an entrpreneur. but why am i really dancing? is it just to get gigs? the illusion is so strong i can feel it, it has texture, its lucid. why am i really dancing? is it to be in the futile world of no gigs or teaching jobs? hating myself every step of the way. to be honest, i'm not loving myself at all. and who is gonna love me, if i dont even love myself. who the hell is gonna appreciate the art if there is no love in it, cause im just not loving myself and that has been going into my art.
screw gigs, teaching. i need to focus on my style, take the time to look at costuming, dance, and medidate. because this has brought me so much confidence, if i keep working at it, think of what other positive qualities it can bring.