it's an outreach program. we're here to help.
"i'll torture you," i said
with a smile, with a grin
or maybe with a frown,
but you can't see the state i'm in.
i've been thinking lately that i should try to get to know more people - to go up and say hi and try to start a conversation that isn't about "what you've been up to." you know, the conversations where you pretend you're catching up with someone, but you're really not because all of the questions are intended to have two sentence answers at most. i've realized though that i'm pretty afraid of people. actually, i guess i've known about this for a while (and d. and i had a really good conversation about it, even), but knowing the fact hasn't helped me deal with it in the slightest. funny how knowledge isn't always power.
i guess i'm most afraid of being rejected. typical, no? it would crush me if i started talking to someone about something i thought was really great in some fashion or another, and they replied with, "wow, you're really not worth my time."/"wow, i'm totally uninterested in anything you have to say." i have a problem with making small talk - i always feel pressured to come up with meaningless things to say because i feel that the other person doesn't want to make the commitment to really share something. which, ironically (or is it?), is what i do - i don't want to share because i don't want to be rejected. what a vicious cycle.
what's wrong with me? i'm funny, fairly intelligent, and easily amused/impressed. it would seem that i could be friends with just about anyone. are all the people that i pass in stores, on the streets, in my classes over thinking these things like i am? or am i right in thinking that for the most part, people are totally uninterested in things outside their bubble?
24 i's. ugh.
this all isn't to say that i'm unhappy. i'd just like more people to talk to.
26.
so of course this is the part where you realize that it's so rare for me to *really* talk to anyone, or to be around anyone long enough to feel close. i'm not spouting a "you should feel lucky" speech here - i wanted you to know that i feel lucky to have met you.
i'm figuring that if you read this, i'm pretty much talking to you. not too many strangers wander around these parts. so thanks.
with a smile, with a grin
or maybe with a frown,
but you can't see the state i'm in.
i've been thinking lately that i should try to get to know more people - to go up and say hi and try to start a conversation that isn't about "what you've been up to." you know, the conversations where you pretend you're catching up with someone, but you're really not because all of the questions are intended to have two sentence answers at most. i've realized though that i'm pretty afraid of people. actually, i guess i've known about this for a while (and d. and i had a really good conversation about it, even), but knowing the fact hasn't helped me deal with it in the slightest. funny how knowledge isn't always power.
i guess i'm most afraid of being rejected. typical, no? it would crush me if i started talking to someone about something i thought was really great in some fashion or another, and they replied with, "wow, you're really not worth my time."/"wow, i'm totally uninterested in anything you have to say." i have a problem with making small talk - i always feel pressured to come up with meaningless things to say because i feel that the other person doesn't want to make the commitment to really share something. which, ironically (or is it?), is what i do - i don't want to share because i don't want to be rejected. what a vicious cycle.
what's wrong with me? i'm funny, fairly intelligent, and easily amused/impressed. it would seem that i could be friends with just about anyone. are all the people that i pass in stores, on the streets, in my classes over thinking these things like i am? or am i right in thinking that for the most part, people are totally uninterested in things outside their bubble?
24 i's. ugh.
this all isn't to say that i'm unhappy. i'd just like more people to talk to.
26.
so of course this is the part where you realize that it's so rare for me to *really* talk to anyone, or to be around anyone long enough to feel close. i'm not spouting a "you should feel lucky" speech here - i wanted you to know that i feel lucky to have met you.
i'm figuring that if you read this, i'm pretty much talking to you. not too many strangers wander around these parts. so thanks.