reposted from sf_drama
OTT: Doctor Tiller and Womens' Battle for the God-damned Mutual Understanding Already
My until-recently fiancee (of sorts) and I have had a long and complicated relationship. Our mutual faith and love have been tried and tested on many occasions.
Dr. Tiller's murder can only be described as an act of terror, perpetrated by the willfully ignorant, and cheered on by the hateful and controlling elements of our society. I came to this conclusion after having a long time to think about one of the most trying events of my relationship to the woman I love.
At a time when we were both jobless, strapped for cash, and afraid for the future, she found out she was about a month pregnant. Naturally, we discussed our options; our feelings on abortion (both of us did not believe it to be murder), the possibility of carrying it to term, our ability to give a child a good future, etc. The conversation was not an easy one, but it was a necessary one, as you could imagine.
After that I hadn't heard from her for about three days. When I got a hold of her she told me she had cashed in a paycheck and terminated the pregnancy. As she was already on the road, I suggested she come over to see me.
I wasn't angry or upset with her, more worried and a little puzzled. She isn't by any means a weak, dependent individual, but of course the whole experience had left her shaken and distant. Until that time I had never really given much thought to the abortion debate, as my opinion was based on a simple premise; a fetus is not a human being, a woman has a right to end an unwanted or illogical pregnancy with the proper tools in a safe, professional environment. That was pretty much the end of my prior consideration. My mistake was that I didn't push her to open up to me, I didn't try to make her understand that I was there, I was worried, and I wanted to comfort her. We talked only briefly, we fell asleep in each others arms, and by the time I woke up she had left for work. After that, neither of us ever brought it up again.
What stood out to me was the feeling that, on some level, she felt like she had to go through the abortion process alone. That I wasn't open or understanding enough to accompany her to the clinic, to hold her hand, to assure her that she was making the right decision. To assure her that I would always love her and would never in a million years let her even think for a second that I resented her decision on some level. It certainly never once occurred to me that it was anybody's decision but hers. If she didn't want to have an abortion, it was my responsibility to respect that decision and do everything in my power to help. Simple enough, right?
The truth is, I don't believe we ever recovered from that. My faith in myself was shaken, and I believed her trust in me was compromised. All this, because I was afraid to ask more questions, afraid of understanding the real horror of living in a society that does not hesitate to call her a murderous slut on a whim. It was after this that I put effort into understanding the many justifications of the abortion procedure, the psychology of the women who go through it, and the prejudices of the anti-choice movement.
The gung-ho pro-war hypocrisy of these ignorant, judgmental stonethrowers culminated on Sunday with the murder of one of the three doctors in the country who understood the medical necessity of the late-term abortion procedure, one of the few doctors who saw reproductive rights as the greatest civil rights battle for women to date. In addition to the outpouring of disgusting, vicious hate-speech present all over the internet and media, there were a quiet few who dared to share their stories of the real Dr. Tiller, the sympathetic lover of people, of women, who was there when no other doctor would be.
Dr. Tiller had been shot twice in his life, prior to Sunday. He had a bodyguard and he wore a flak jacket to and from work. His name and address have been published on every "pro-life" hate site, his blood called for by the mob of blubbering intolerant morons, and as a result he received a bullet in the head, in a church, in front of his family.
His children had once asked him, "Daddy, if something happens to you, who will help these women?"
The purpose of this post is to encourage everybody to share stories of women who have had to make the hard choices, while they still had the right to do so, and to condemn the terrorists who would have it taken away. Share knowledge of the medical and economic complications that can and do arise in pregnancy, so at least nobody here can be excused by their ignorance any longer.
My until-recently fiancee (of sorts) and I have had a long and complicated relationship. Our mutual faith and love have been tried and tested on many occasions.
Dr. Tiller's murder can only be described as an act of terror, perpetrated by the willfully ignorant, and cheered on by the hateful and controlling elements of our society. I came to this conclusion after having a long time to think about one of the most trying events of my relationship to the woman I love.
At a time when we were both jobless, strapped for cash, and afraid for the future, she found out she was about a month pregnant. Naturally, we discussed our options; our feelings on abortion (both of us did not believe it to be murder), the possibility of carrying it to term, our ability to give a child a good future, etc. The conversation was not an easy one, but it was a necessary one, as you could imagine.
After that I hadn't heard from her for about three days. When I got a hold of her she told me she had cashed in a paycheck and terminated the pregnancy. As she was already on the road, I suggested she come over to see me.
I wasn't angry or upset with her, more worried and a little puzzled. She isn't by any means a weak, dependent individual, but of course the whole experience had left her shaken and distant. Until that time I had never really given much thought to the abortion debate, as my opinion was based on a simple premise; a fetus is not a human being, a woman has a right to end an unwanted or illogical pregnancy with the proper tools in a safe, professional environment. That was pretty much the end of my prior consideration. My mistake was that I didn't push her to open up to me, I didn't try to make her understand that I was there, I was worried, and I wanted to comfort her. We talked only briefly, we fell asleep in each others arms, and by the time I woke up she had left for work. After that, neither of us ever brought it up again.
What stood out to me was the feeling that, on some level, she felt like she had to go through the abortion process alone. That I wasn't open or understanding enough to accompany her to the clinic, to hold her hand, to assure her that she was making the right decision. To assure her that I would always love her and would never in a million years let her even think for a second that I resented her decision on some level. It certainly never once occurred to me that it was anybody's decision but hers. If she didn't want to have an abortion, it was my responsibility to respect that decision and do everything in my power to help. Simple enough, right?
The truth is, I don't believe we ever recovered from that. My faith in myself was shaken, and I believed her trust in me was compromised. All this, because I was afraid to ask more questions, afraid of understanding the real horror of living in a society that does not hesitate to call her a murderous slut on a whim. It was after this that I put effort into understanding the many justifications of the abortion procedure, the psychology of the women who go through it, and the prejudices of the anti-choice movement.
The gung-ho pro-war hypocrisy of these ignorant, judgmental stonethrowers culminated on Sunday with the murder of one of the three doctors in the country who understood the medical necessity of the late-term abortion procedure, one of the few doctors who saw reproductive rights as the greatest civil rights battle for women to date. In addition to the outpouring of disgusting, vicious hate-speech present all over the internet and media, there were a quiet few who dared to share their stories of the real Dr. Tiller, the sympathetic lover of people, of women, who was there when no other doctor would be.
Dr. Tiller had been shot twice in his life, prior to Sunday. He had a bodyguard and he wore a flak jacket to and from work. His name and address have been published on every "pro-life" hate site, his blood called for by the mob of blubbering intolerant morons, and as a result he received a bullet in the head, in a church, in front of his family.
His children had once asked him, "Daddy, if something happens to you, who will help these women?"
The purpose of this post is to encourage everybody to share stories of women who have had to make the hard choices, while they still had the right to do so, and to condemn the terrorists who would have it taken away. Share knowledge of the medical and economic complications that can and do arise in pregnancy, so at least nobody here can be excused by their ignorance any longer.