(no subject)

[deguise]

today started as a very good day. like my whole school day was good, great, really cool. wasnt sleepy at all in school. i did tho sleep in biology, but thats only cause we werent doing anything. this is probly going to be a short entry. well later in the evening when i got home. my parents signed me up for an ACT review class at bradley. i was kind of nervous at first, but there was people there i knew. not people that i talked to much, just jenny, someone at my school, and a few others. well after it i got picked up by my mom. something must be up with me cause i snapped on my mom and idk why. something must be screwing with me and i dont kno what it is or why its even doing it. maybe it was that class. maybe it was something else. i felt like a dumbass when i got home because of that class. i was so sad i cant explain it. i was talking to chris. i said i think i might turn out to be a failure. then idk why but in my head i said the worst thing i could say to myself: "what if i wasnt" if you dont kno what that means, it means what if i didnt exist. i dont kno why that thought came to mind, but it made it feel as tho i were going to cry. i was about to, but just a few minutes later my parents came in cause the suspected something was up im guessing. and also my dad wanted to help me with something. be he talked about the ACT class and that if i dont do well or anything that he'll still love me. in a sense it made me feel better, but some things felt a bit worse. like i dont kno. he said i was acting depressed. i dont want to be depressed. i havent been for such a long time now, i hope it doesnt kick in. he said he was affraid i was going to do something, and i told him i would not kill myself. that is out of the question. i've promised it to many and i cant bare the thought of what it would do to so many. he said that killing yourself isnt the only bad thing you can do when you're depressed. i better not be depressed or nothing. hopefully this will just be a one day thing and it will pass on. hopefully whatever is up with me will just go away and i'll return to normal. i wonder if anyone can understand what i just wrote.

i love you paris <3

leave me comments of anything, preferable good news.