itza sunday
hmm.. today is sunday the 9th of january. and lets see what has happened today. i had chris over last night, and we just chilled and stuff and watched a movie later. hum.. that leaves alot out, i'll start from yesterday evening.
ok. now its saturday, the 8th of january. it is in the evening, and i just came back turning in my job applications i just signed and stuff. i didnt think much on the subject at the time, but now its like there. and yea. now chris is here, but the internet is dead, so the computers are useless, cept for playin blackjack lol. well my love paris called me a few times, and she found out an interesting thing about me. uhm. skippin a few hours.. ok. now the internet works finally. im online, talking to heather. just about what if i got a job and stuff. thing that could happen and then how i would react. also talked about two other individuals that arent really much on what im talking about. i was on the verge or breaking lastnight, but i cooled down and stuff cause i just did. i talked to paris for awhile just about stuff cause she was on, talked a little to stef about i forgot lol, and listened to a few songs. but i really wasnt in the mood for them, but they helped a little. turns out that during all this, i was doing something i should have been doing. so i told people i had to go and stuff, and got offline. by that time chris was sleeping, but i woke him up. we watched part of a movie and it helped some too. i laughed cause it's a really funny movie. we fast forwarded alot of it, and got to the parts chris wanted to see. chris was falling asleep, so i just turned the movie off and we went to sleep. i had thoughts on yea. but i'll explain that for my description on sunday. ok. we fell asleep and that was the end of saturday.
wow. its sunday already. im awake, but i dont want to get up. im called up to eat breakfast and i eat it. it was chocolate hot cereal. chris left while i was eating to go home. during all of this im feeling like misreable cause of what i was thinking about. i faked being sick, cause i didnt feel like going to church. i was forced to go. first my dad dumped a ton of water on me, then he started to take my computer. then i cussed at him, and got dressed and left. i was then very angry. i caused my mom trouble on the way to church. when we got there, i threatened to walk home, even tho its a few miles. i started to, then came back to say thanks for letting me be in the family, but i was leaving it. i didnt mean that tho, that really messed things up. like my mom talked to this one man at our church, his name is mr. johnson. yea, cool name, but he talked to her and stuff. then he came to me and i said i didnt really want to talk, he talked some to me and told me to apologise to her. i did, but she was downstairs in her classroom, so i like took her out, like into the church kitchen. then we started talking, i said i was sorry, and she wanted to kno why i was acting so strange. then she put her arm around me, and i broke down and started crying. i could barely talk. then she realy knew something was wrong. she asked if something happened between me and chris. i said no. she asked if something happened between nolan and i said no. she then asked if something happened between me and paris. i said no, then i tried to get out that something might happen. you kno its very hard to talk when you're crying. well i got a little out that she could understand. i said that once i get a job that i wont be able to talk to her as often and she means so much to me. like, i was depressed before i knew her, she is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. she brings me so much happiness, and if i were to lose her.. well i cant even think about that. because of her, im not depressed anymore. how could i be when i am with so awesome of a person. but yea. i said most of that, and like we went into the boiler room so that people wouldnt disturb me. then she said if i wanted to talk to my brother tim, that she would tell him to meet me in there. i said ok. i sat in there, alone for about 10 mins. then he came and we talked. at first it was hard cause i was still crying, but i stopped cause things seemed to be heading for the better. i told him what was up, and how much she means to me and stuff. already said that, but i told him that when i get a job, it will be hard to talk to her. then he had the idea of getting her schedule and comparing it to my work schedule. im not even hired yet, and she said her schedule changes alot. there are ways to keep in communication, but im affraid of that decreasing, thus causeing the word change to take place. things would change. such as she might not find any attractiveness in me, or not that, just like have it decrease and her find it in someone else. that is my one and almost only fear. cause i kno that that wouldnt and couldnt happen to me. but the lack of communication could cause that to happen. that is the reason why i dont want a job. i kno i need one, but if it costs me the one thing in the world i treasure most and i do mean most, i will not get one. no one will truely kno how much she means to me, and i dont think anything could change that. i like her, i've stuck to liking her ever since i've known her, and i dont like anyone else the same way. yea, there's been a couple distractions, but there are none anymore. im solid, im in love with her. when you're truely in love with someone, you pay no attention to any one else. you cant be in love with two people, that is impossible. wow i got a little off topic. well back to talking with my brother. i talked to him about how both mine and paris's parents dont kno jack about eachother. to paris's dad i could be someone who would mess up her daughter, and to my parents, yea. i dont need to say anything. parents always assume the worst, no matter what. if there was only some way to get her dad to kno that i have good intentions and i would never ever do anything to hurt his daughter. and she is probly the same on that. i kno she would not hurt me, or not mean to deliberately hurt me. and i keep going off topic. back to my brother again. we talked about a few verses in the bible. here is one particular part in the bible i like.. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." i cant help but notice how true that is. and how i apply to alot of that. reading just that helped me. i read more on other things too, but i especially liked that. then me and my brother prayed, then he left. i read that and yea. i stayed in the boiler room for an hour or so, until the service was over, then my mom came down and talked to me some more. not much happened after that. after i sat in there alone for a long time, i thought alot about alot of things, and i think things will happen as i wish them to. comment on advice or anything. i believe that no matter what happens, in the end, things will still be the same, just a little different. ..if you get what i mean..
hmm.. i just wasted how much of your life now..? sorry for that. but this whole issue is out in the open and if anyone wants to say anything, let them speak out. i may have said a few things i didnt mean, if to you they seem negative, please talk to me about them, ask questions, and i'll do my best to explain. ahh.. not another long paragraph. must end this one. um. srry people, im a crybaby, and if you dont want to help me, thats ok. yea.
paris, you kno i love you, you kno you mean alot to me, you kno i intend to be with you until death do us part. i intend to marry you. i intend to be the father of your children. i intend to be everything you ever wanted. i intend to give you what you deserve. there is so much more too, but i dont want to freak anyone out, or like well yea.
chris, i plan to make paris my wife, that will not make you her official brother, or her your offical sister, but it will make her your sister. she is not that yet, nor is heather, but eh. sure for heather, i have no jurisdiction over her. and lol, this is a little wierd to talk about. oh yea, heather said something that made me feel good lastnight, she said that someday i'll be her brother :) she's so cool, sometime in cali, we'll all hang out and stuff and yea.. ;)
um.. i might write some more stuff later.. but for now im closing this entry finally, be prepared for more long entrys in the future. now for the real end of this entry.
i love you so much paris!!!!!!!!
then paul kicked himself for writing so much.
ok. now its saturday, the 8th of january. it is in the evening, and i just came back turning in my job applications i just signed and stuff. i didnt think much on the subject at the time, but now its like there. and yea. now chris is here, but the internet is dead, so the computers are useless, cept for playin blackjack lol. well my love paris called me a few times, and she found out an interesting thing about me. uhm. skippin a few hours.. ok. now the internet works finally. im online, talking to heather. just about what if i got a job and stuff. thing that could happen and then how i would react. also talked about two other individuals that arent really much on what im talking about. i was on the verge or breaking lastnight, but i cooled down and stuff cause i just did. i talked to paris for awhile just about stuff cause she was on, talked a little to stef about i forgot lol, and listened to a few songs. but i really wasnt in the mood for them, but they helped a little. turns out that during all this, i was doing something i should have been doing. so i told people i had to go and stuff, and got offline. by that time chris was sleeping, but i woke him up. we watched part of a movie and it helped some too. i laughed cause it's a really funny movie. we fast forwarded alot of it, and got to the parts chris wanted to see. chris was falling asleep, so i just turned the movie off and we went to sleep. i had thoughts on yea. but i'll explain that for my description on sunday. ok. we fell asleep and that was the end of saturday.
wow. its sunday already. im awake, but i dont want to get up. im called up to eat breakfast and i eat it. it was chocolate hot cereal. chris left while i was eating to go home. during all of this im feeling like misreable cause of what i was thinking about. i faked being sick, cause i didnt feel like going to church. i was forced to go. first my dad dumped a ton of water on me, then he started to take my computer. then i cussed at him, and got dressed and left. i was then very angry. i caused my mom trouble on the way to church. when we got there, i threatened to walk home, even tho its a few miles. i started to, then came back to say thanks for letting me be in the family, but i was leaving it. i didnt mean that tho, that really messed things up. like my mom talked to this one man at our church, his name is mr. johnson. yea, cool name, but he talked to her and stuff. then he came to me and i said i didnt really want to talk, he talked some to me and told me to apologise to her. i did, but she was downstairs in her classroom, so i like took her out, like into the church kitchen. then we started talking, i said i was sorry, and she wanted to kno why i was acting so strange. then she put her arm around me, and i broke down and started crying. i could barely talk. then she realy knew something was wrong. she asked if something happened between me and chris. i said no. she asked if something happened between nolan and i said no. she then asked if something happened between me and paris. i said no, then i tried to get out that something might happen. you kno its very hard to talk when you're crying. well i got a little out that she could understand. i said that once i get a job that i wont be able to talk to her as often and she means so much to me. like, i was depressed before i knew her, she is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. she brings me so much happiness, and if i were to lose her.. well i cant even think about that. because of her, im not depressed anymore. how could i be when i am with so awesome of a person. but yea. i said most of that, and like we went into the boiler room so that people wouldnt disturb me. then she said if i wanted to talk to my brother tim, that she would tell him to meet me in there. i said ok. i sat in there, alone for about 10 mins. then he came and we talked. at first it was hard cause i was still crying, but i stopped cause things seemed to be heading for the better. i told him what was up, and how much she means to me and stuff. already said that, but i told him that when i get a job, it will be hard to talk to her. then he had the idea of getting her schedule and comparing it to my work schedule. im not even hired yet, and she said her schedule changes alot. there are ways to keep in communication, but im affraid of that decreasing, thus causeing the word change to take place. things would change. such as she might not find any attractiveness in me, or not that, just like have it decrease and her find it in someone else. that is my one and almost only fear. cause i kno that that wouldnt and couldnt happen to me. but the lack of communication could cause that to happen. that is the reason why i dont want a job. i kno i need one, but if it costs me the one thing in the world i treasure most and i do mean most, i will not get one. no one will truely kno how much she means to me, and i dont think anything could change that. i like her, i've stuck to liking her ever since i've known her, and i dont like anyone else the same way. yea, there's been a couple distractions, but there are none anymore. im solid, im in love with her. when you're truely in love with someone, you pay no attention to any one else. you cant be in love with two people, that is impossible. wow i got a little off topic. well back to talking with my brother. i talked to him about how both mine and paris's parents dont kno jack about eachother. to paris's dad i could be someone who would mess up her daughter, and to my parents, yea. i dont need to say anything. parents always assume the worst, no matter what. if there was only some way to get her dad to kno that i have good intentions and i would never ever do anything to hurt his daughter. and she is probly the same on that. i kno she would not hurt me, or not mean to deliberately hurt me. and i keep going off topic. back to my brother again. we talked about a few verses in the bible. here is one particular part in the bible i like.. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." i cant help but notice how true that is. and how i apply to alot of that. reading just that helped me. i read more on other things too, but i especially liked that. then me and my brother prayed, then he left. i read that and yea. i stayed in the boiler room for an hour or so, until the service was over, then my mom came down and talked to me some more. not much happened after that. after i sat in there alone for a long time, i thought alot about alot of things, and i think things will happen as i wish them to. comment on advice or anything. i believe that no matter what happens, in the end, things will still be the same, just a little different. ..if you get what i mean..
hmm.. i just wasted how much of your life now..? sorry for that. but this whole issue is out in the open and if anyone wants to say anything, let them speak out. i may have said a few things i didnt mean, if to you they seem negative, please talk to me about them, ask questions, and i'll do my best to explain. ahh.. not another long paragraph. must end this one. um. srry people, im a crybaby, and if you dont want to help me, thats ok. yea.
paris, you kno i love you, you kno you mean alot to me, you kno i intend to be with you until death do us part. i intend to marry you. i intend to be the father of your children. i intend to be everything you ever wanted. i intend to give you what you deserve. there is so much more too, but i dont want to freak anyone out, or like well yea.
chris, i plan to make paris my wife, that will not make you her official brother, or her your offical sister, but it will make her your sister. she is not that yet, nor is heather, but eh. sure for heather, i have no jurisdiction over her. and lol, this is a little wierd to talk about. oh yea, heather said something that made me feel good lastnight, she said that someday i'll be her brother :) she's so cool, sometime in cali, we'll all hang out and stuff and yea.. ;)
um.. i might write some more stuff later.. but for now im closing this entry finally, be prepared for more long entrys in the future. now for the real end of this entry.
i love you so much paris!!!!!!!!
then paul kicked himself for writing so much.