Lately
So work has pretty much consumed my whole summer. i don't even really want to work at all, but i suppose that if i didn't work i would be a lot more depressed than i already am. when i am often unproductive it makes me really depressed, but at least i'm accomplishing things. It's a distraction from certain other people/things in my life. and then after summer is over....i may or may not be working. but even if i'm not, 5 classes at hancock will for sure keep me busy. It's definitely a lot to handle for my first semester of college, but i'm ready and i'm really excited. i would much rather want to keep busy rather than have a lot of free time to do nothing, because when that happens i tend to think about things that i don't want to think about and spend all my time on myspace and livejournal.
I think about givng up on life a lot, but then i change my mind. not because i want to continue living my life and grow up and start a family and al that shit. because i know that it would negatively affect other people and i can't have that happen due to the fact that i often just don't really feel like living anymore. I live for other people and not for myself. But..whatever. Hopefully things will be looking up soon. Plus, i wouldn't even know how to end my own life anyways. And i wouldn't want anyone doing it for me either. Sometimes i wish there was just a place you could go to get away from the world, and if you stayed their long enough you would simply cease to exist. I get the feeling i would spend a lot of time there....
well it's 4am...so i'm gonna go to bed. its been a long night. if anyone wants homemade chocolate chip cookies, i made a bunch tonight and they're really good.
I think about givng up on life a lot, but then i change my mind. not because i want to continue living my life and grow up and start a family and al that shit. because i know that it would negatively affect other people and i can't have that happen due to the fact that i often just don't really feel like living anymore. I live for other people and not for myself. But..whatever. Hopefully things will be looking up soon. Plus, i wouldn't even know how to end my own life anyways. And i wouldn't want anyone doing it for me either. Sometimes i wish there was just a place you could go to get away from the world, and if you stayed their long enough you would simply cease to exist. I get the feeling i would spend a lot of time there....
well it's 4am...so i'm gonna go to bed. its been a long night. if anyone wants homemade chocolate chip cookies, i made a bunch tonight and they're really good.