Dilemma...
I know I don't post here anymore, mostly because I have another blog through msn.spaces. But I have come back, so I can post about this problem I am having, and maybe one of my old friends can help me out.
Ever since I met Melanie I have known she was bi-sexual. It's never bothered me, never really made me like her less or more. She's always just been Melanie. Well, she came out only about a year before I met her, which didn't give her much time to explore and find a girlie-friend. Right before her and I met she was out browsing the lady market. Some how I came along and pussy-blocked her. Four months later and we are all in love and having some splendid times. She sleeps at my house 80% of the week, and we always go out and do things. We probably would make some people sick, or some people jealous. Hugging, jumpin, running, skipping, and my favorite, frollicking on the beach just her and I. We party together, go on trips together, eat a lot of wonderful food together, and have a fuckin great time. This whole time, in the back of my head, I have known that she at sometime would need to go out and experience her bi-sexuality. To me I never saw that as I problem, because to me I see it as purely sexual. I've always thought of it like that and have never had problems coping with it in my mind.
Last night after hanging out with Kevin and the crew (and four beers) Melanie and I met up in my bed so as she could sleep here. We had an amazing talk abou the infinite possibilities of the universe, and the whole thing being a amazing spiral of chances. After that, she proceeded to tell me about how she was looking at some lesbian porn earlier in the day. I noted that she had been doing that more often lately, not a problem to me I added. She said she knew and it grew a little quiet. I asked her if she had been thinking more about having a experience with a same sex partner, and she said she had. We talked about it, and it all finally made sense to me. She explained to me that if she was to have one, it would not be purely sexual, but more than that. I said that I wouldn't be jealous because it's a girl and it just doesn't seem like cheating or falling in love, but to her it would be. I told her I didn't want to stop her from doing what she wants because of the fact it might hurt me. She reminded me that the reason I don't go cheating on her is because of the fact it might hurt her. Touche.
So now in the back of my mind I can't get this out. Should I break now and let her out on the world to try a different approach at life, and stand by just in case she decides it's not her thing. Or do I hold on as long as I can and enjoy it as much as I can until that time comes. I see it hurting less now if she was to say she didn't want me back after her new experiences, but I see myself having a year full of fun with this amazing girl, yet the chances of me being hurt even more after a year full of these experiences.
I have never felt so unsure about what to do in a relationship before...I neeed help.
Ever since I met Melanie I have known she was bi-sexual. It's never bothered me, never really made me like her less or more. She's always just been Melanie. Well, she came out only about a year before I met her, which didn't give her much time to explore and find a girlie-friend. Right before her and I met she was out browsing the lady market. Some how I came along and pussy-blocked her. Four months later and we are all in love and having some splendid times. She sleeps at my house 80% of the week, and we always go out and do things. We probably would make some people sick, or some people jealous. Hugging, jumpin, running, skipping, and my favorite, frollicking on the beach just her and I. We party together, go on trips together, eat a lot of wonderful food together, and have a fuckin great time. This whole time, in the back of my head, I have known that she at sometime would need to go out and experience her bi-sexuality. To me I never saw that as I problem, because to me I see it as purely sexual. I've always thought of it like that and have never had problems coping with it in my mind.
Last night after hanging out with Kevin and the crew (and four beers) Melanie and I met up in my bed so as she could sleep here. We had an amazing talk abou the infinite possibilities of the universe, and the whole thing being a amazing spiral of chances. After that, she proceeded to tell me about how she was looking at some lesbian porn earlier in the day. I noted that she had been doing that more often lately, not a problem to me I added. She said she knew and it grew a little quiet. I asked her if she had been thinking more about having a experience with a same sex partner, and she said she had. We talked about it, and it all finally made sense to me. She explained to me that if she was to have one, it would not be purely sexual, but more than that. I said that I wouldn't be jealous because it's a girl and it just doesn't seem like cheating or falling in love, but to her it would be. I told her I didn't want to stop her from doing what she wants because of the fact it might hurt me. She reminded me that the reason I don't go cheating on her is because of the fact it might hurt her. Touche.
So now in the back of my mind I can't get this out. Should I break now and let her out on the world to try a different approach at life, and stand by just in case she decides it's not her thing. Or do I hold on as long as I can and enjoy it as much as I can until that time comes. I see it hurting less now if she was to say she didn't want me back after her new experiences, but I see myself having a year full of fun with this amazing girl, yet the chances of me being hurt even more after a year full of these experiences.
I have never felt so unsure about what to do in a relationship before...I neeed help.