(no subject)
Movies give us this perception that love is easy, perfect even. And it's not. Don't get me wrong, it's easy sometimes. Really easy other times. But there are times you have to work at it. In fact, one of the best parts of loving another person is the desire to be a better person. I'm not saying change yourself for them, but you're able to realize some of your shortcomings and work on those. For example, I am inevitably, though miserably, a pessimist. I'm downright cynical. And though, deep down, I believe there is an optimist trying relentlessly to escape, I suppress it. The idea that things could go right, that they could be wonderful, it's more that I can understand. For so long, with so many of my relationships, things have not gone right. Here's a wonderful quote to exemplify what I mean: "It's like she's always waiting for the bottom to drop out of things." I've used this many times before in my livejournal so if you're an avid reader, you've seen this. It's from Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. And it is me. I am. I believe that nothing works out, true happiness is an illusion, and heartbreak is inevitable. I say I believe this, and yet, there is this hesitation in me. That is my optimist, my "incurable" romantic. I am no stranger to love. I have felt it all my life. There has always been at least one person whom I loved who loved me back. However, there have been many who have not felt the same way. And in my romantic relationships, I have been afraid to let go of the fear that someone will not love me back. I would push them away, or keep my distance. I always figured if I didn't get too close, I couldn't get hurt. But that is a miserable life to live. There are some risks in life that person must take. And this is one of them. The risk to love and be loved is the greatest of all risks because the rewards are endless. However, these rewards do NOT include a work-free relationship. Relationships are hard in their very nature. They are the joining of two lives while the people who are joining attempt to remain autonomous. For those who have had long-term relationships, you understand this. You want to be who you are and be loved for who you are. However, somewhere around the year mark, you realize the person loves you in spite of who you are. Because the masks come down and you can't hide. And the person realizes you aren't perfect and they love you despite that. And that, if you've never had it, is an amazing feeling. Well, back to the movies. The movies show that two people who fall in love can overcome all odds just on love alone. They merely need to be romantic and they can have this unattainable love. But clearly this is not true. Because romance cannot cover up all mistakes. It rarely hurts, but it doesn't make up for mistakes. In true, crazy love, you must work at who you are as well as who the couple is. The couple must be a priority to both people and the other person should be at very least, an equal priority. You must make time for each other. You must do the little things. You must work through the disagreements by telling each other what's wrong in clear words. You must trust. You must trust. You must be honest. You must be honest. Okay, I said both of those twice (1) because the first one is my big issue and (2) because they are both IMPERATIVE to a good relationship. You cannot simply sit back and believe that love will conquer all. Belief, desire, and hope for the relationship conquers much more than the metaphysical term love will ever conquer. The feeling, love, is what creates belief, desire and hope. So indirectly maybe, love manages, but directly, no dice. And now onto my next quote, "life is not like the movies...everyone lies..nice guys always lose, and love....doesn't conquer all." This quote appeals to my cynical, nothing-works-out side. Because life is NOT the movies. Everyone does lie at some point. And love does NOT conquer all. As for nice guys, somewhere in my journal there is a rant about nice guys. Read it. But so these "nice guys" know, it's not the nice part that makes you "lose". Because I know lots of nice guys who have won. And they would say that in heartbeat. So all this is true, and yet, this glimmer, this tiny light inside me tells me that you gotta have a little faith, a desire to work at it, and ALOT, a WHOLE LOT of love. Because relationships aren't always easy and if they were, they wouldn't be as worth it.