Azucar!
Yesterday I did a reading of a children's book about Celia Cruz at some community center in Hamden. With Aaron Jeffaris, Dexter, this kid Daniel who I'll be working with in What Do You See (and who asked me to a party that I couldn't go to), and Joan's son Charlie and his fiance. It was very cute, and now I really want to learn how to salsa.
I am looking forward to acting again, but I just really want to be doing something more. I can't judge this play yet, since rehearsals haven't even started. But I just want to...I don't even know. I want to do something else. I wish I was acting in something amazing at some incredible college. I wish I was doing something more with myself. I can't help seeing me ten years down the road, still in the same position I am in now. Still working low-income shit jobs, low-income acting jobs, and without any future goals. Still living in a trailer and trying to get my life in order. Two years flew by so fast and I feel like I haven't grown or changed at all. I want to visit people at ECA, but I've been avoiding going back because I'm still in the same place I was when I graduated and it's embarrassing to say that. People keep asking me what I'm doing with myself and I don't know what to say. I just hate it. I need to do the FAFSA now and get in Southern. At least it's something. I just can't wait anymore. I can't sit here and hate myself because of this. With my luck and procrastination, it's probably too late to do it for the spring. There's another fucking semester I'll be sitting at home. GAH.
I do have my license. And Laura's car (finally). Though I can't drive the car because it's a standard. I attempted it for the first time today, and almost burnt out the clutch. Within FIVE MINUTES. Ahhh lord. My mom is driving it for now because she needs a car until she can find a new one. The rental goes back on Monday. I am going to practice on this car every day and if I still can't drive it in two weeks, we'll see how I feel about it. I want to keep it, and I know I can learn. I'm just afraid I'm going to ruin it before I can truly drive it right.
Off to work. Oddly enough Little Italy has almost become my favorite job. They seem to like me more now. Whenever I buy anything my discounts are slightly larger. I hope I can keep some self-control today and not eat anything because I've lost some more weight and I'd like to keep it off for a while before I start divulging in bread and pasta.
I am looking forward to acting again, but I just really want to be doing something more. I can't judge this play yet, since rehearsals haven't even started. But I just want to...I don't even know. I want to do something else. I wish I was acting in something amazing at some incredible college. I wish I was doing something more with myself. I can't help seeing me ten years down the road, still in the same position I am in now. Still working low-income shit jobs, low-income acting jobs, and without any future goals. Still living in a trailer and trying to get my life in order. Two years flew by so fast and I feel like I haven't grown or changed at all. I want to visit people at ECA, but I've been avoiding going back because I'm still in the same place I was when I graduated and it's embarrassing to say that. People keep asking me what I'm doing with myself and I don't know what to say. I just hate it. I need to do the FAFSA now and get in Southern. At least it's something. I just can't wait anymore. I can't sit here and hate myself because of this. With my luck and procrastination, it's probably too late to do it for the spring. There's another fucking semester I'll be sitting at home. GAH.
I do have my license. And Laura's car (finally). Though I can't drive the car because it's a standard. I attempted it for the first time today, and almost burnt out the clutch. Within FIVE MINUTES. Ahhh lord. My mom is driving it for now because she needs a car until she can find a new one. The rental goes back on Monday. I am going to practice on this car every day and if I still can't drive it in two weeks, we'll see how I feel about it. I want to keep it, and I know I can learn. I'm just afraid I'm going to ruin it before I can truly drive it right.
Off to work. Oddly enough Little Italy has almost become my favorite job. They seem to like me more now. Whenever I buy anything my discounts are slightly larger. I hope I can keep some self-control today and not eat anything because I've lost some more weight and I'd like to keep it off for a while before I start divulging in bread and pasta.