(no subject)
i feel at anymoment im going to lose it.for some reason lately i feel like a roller coaster of emotions have been going thru my head.i feel so torn for some reason i dont even know what to say anymore i cannot describe this feeling.im utterly sick and i just feel like locking myself in my room and writing about everything in my journal and just painting to try to block everything out.i feel like a wreck so much is going on and bothering me.i feel like i cannot express my feelings towards anyone at the moment nor talk about certain things.everyone is so used to taking me as the funny guy and just cracking jokes all the time but at times i just want to be serious.and well maybe just talk about whats going on in my head.instead its just like lets go out and laugh and crack jokes and i just cant act like im happy all the time doing it.cause inside i know im just hurting and needing to say some shit thats on my mind for my well being.i feel so not healthy and very non motivated to do anything.its like all i do is sit and think and just drive around to try and forget it.but in the end it just comes and catches up to me whether i want it or not.pills wont help nothing at this point is helping me its just think think think.sleep sleep sleep.i feel like ive lost a lot of people and it sux but i guess its just a part of life.i think at times i just want to be happy but i know that i cant always be like that thats just part of life.alot of the things that make me happy i feel are fading away from my hands that i just can grasp them anymore.at times i wish icould just close my eyes and kiss the world goodbye.sure i have my parents and stuff but i feel like i cant really talk to them about certain shit and they just tell me i should be doing this or that and why am i doing this its just frustrating me.i feel like im very unsocial anymore and i just dont know what to do im just going insane i feel like ive lost something that i need but i guess thats just a part of life.im at the point where its just not fun being around anymore.i guess this is where ill let it be.and until i feel like saying anything more ill just end it farewell.