(no subject)
I become so tense sometimes that it feels like every muscle in my body is pulling against me..
but that comes with the territory of working all day and then heading home to spend an hour busier than i was at work, and then heading straight to wichita to donate and see seth, and then im headed straight back to El Dorado to hang out with Rachael and then go to bed so i can work all day tomorow again..
maybe its just Mondays, maybe thats why im such a nervous wreck, but what explains the depression then?
i think that has more to do with how the end of the Weekend went.. i started feeling depressed but couldnt find the cause, then i realized it was probly just after-effects from the weekend before last when i killed so many brain-cells..
depression always comes to me after a weekend like that, but usually it comes a few days later, not a week.. and it really threw me off..
but more than anything, i think i just feel guilty..
i feel like my morals have gone down the drain the past few days, and not in usual ways.. but i think i just hide too much, and my conscious is eating at me like always..
i hate having a conscious, but it cant be ignored..
so im gonna try and make this week a lil better by trying to relax and hide from it all, just like i always do.. but the work is never done, so im always rushing and when i finally sit down i wonder why i cant relax..
somethin has to be done about this
my relaxation needs to come natural
but that comes with the territory of working all day and then heading home to spend an hour busier than i was at work, and then heading straight to wichita to donate and see seth, and then im headed straight back to El Dorado to hang out with Rachael and then go to bed so i can work all day tomorow again..
maybe its just Mondays, maybe thats why im such a nervous wreck, but what explains the depression then?
i think that has more to do with how the end of the Weekend went.. i started feeling depressed but couldnt find the cause, then i realized it was probly just after-effects from the weekend before last when i killed so many brain-cells..
depression always comes to me after a weekend like that, but usually it comes a few days later, not a week.. and it really threw me off..
but more than anything, i think i just feel guilty..
i feel like my morals have gone down the drain the past few days, and not in usual ways.. but i think i just hide too much, and my conscious is eating at me like always..
i hate having a conscious, but it cant be ignored..
so im gonna try and make this week a lil better by trying to relax and hide from it all, just like i always do.. but the work is never done, so im always rushing and when i finally sit down i wonder why i cant relax..
somethin has to be done about this
my relaxation needs to come natural