(no subject)
Love is a really strange, twisted, sarcastic thing. It is soo easy to fall in love, yet so hard to fall out of. I have always had things pan out for me the way I want them to. If I got dumped, moving on was no problem. I think of how many tears I have shed for guys and I would say fifty percent of them were on Joe. I know Dan is just a rebound. I know that nothing would come of it because Joe is the one I want to be with. I wish I could like Dan, I mean hes nice and he likes me and we are working towards something...its just everytime I see him, or I talk to him...I think of Joe. I think of how easy it is to talk to him, I think of how many nights Ive spent up til four in the morning talking about everything. I look at him and I know. I know with no doubt in my mind that I love him.
It makes me so mad that I push people away. I don't mean to but I know I did it to Joe. I hid my feelings for him, I made him feel like I didn't need him, that all I needed was myself. I am soo afraid to let people in, to take a chance. I would think that I would learn that me not taking chances only breaks my heart too.
I want to be brave and tell him how I feel. Every detail. I want to tell him that the thought of living without him drives me nuts, that I still light up inside when he walks into a room, that every second that we are not together, I die inside thinking that my love for him went unnoticed.
But yet Im soooo scared of rejection, of ruining our friendship which has already been sent through too many loops. I don't think I could live without him being in my life, even if it is just as my friend.
For things being as clear as they are, why am I still confused?
It makes me so mad that I push people away. I don't mean to but I know I did it to Joe. I hid my feelings for him, I made him feel like I didn't need him, that all I needed was myself. I am soo afraid to let people in, to take a chance. I would think that I would learn that me not taking chances only breaks my heart too.
I want to be brave and tell him how I feel. Every detail. I want to tell him that the thought of living without him drives me nuts, that I still light up inside when he walks into a room, that every second that we are not together, I die inside thinking that my love for him went unnoticed.
But yet Im soooo scared of rejection, of ruining our friendship which has already been sent through too many loops. I don't think I could live without him being in my life, even if it is just as my friend.
For things being as clear as they are, why am I still confused?